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Don't know what to think anymore

(23 Posts)
WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 09:47:58

I am a regular, I have been here a few years but have name changed.
If you recognize me please don't out me.

Over the last few months things between dh and I have been a struggle. Short of money, in each other's pockets and just generally not getting on as well as we should be.

Over the new year dh told me that he'd had an offer from someone over fb that she had something that he would love to see her in! (I.e a sexy outfit)
Dh said he told her 'unless my wife's in it then you've no chance' or words to that effect. But I know my dh and I know he wouldn't have said that. Yes he told me about the 'offer' but think he told me what he 'said' in order to spare my feelings.

I noticed that he added this woman, yet he said she added him and he's known her years.

Dh has form he's done it before, flirting over fb and text so it wouldn't surprise me. He also told me that he has thought of moving to his mothers.

Right now you'd think id fight for my marriage as beg to give it ago. But with the way he's been the last few months and the moods he's been in ad th stares I get if I say or do something - like shout at the kids for misbehaving. You know the saying 'if looks could kill'

With the way I'm feeling if he wants to move to his mums he can!

Wrt to first part what would you do? Say something or forget it? Or keep an eye on it?

MairzyDoats Sun 12-Jan-14 09:50:03

I'd ask to see the conversation myself. Why did he tell you about it?

Handywoman Sun 12-Jan-14 09:50:30

I would aim to keep my self respect. And chuck him out!

JeanSeberg Sun 12-Jan-14 09:51:45

I'd make that decision for him, pack his bag and drive him to his mother's while you crack on with the divorce.

onetiredmummy Sun 12-Jan-14 09:53:38

Why did he tell you, what's his reasons for doing that? Is he reminding you that he is so desirable other women want him & you'd better rethink your ideas & starting treating him like the demi god he is? Or is he worried you would find out so he had to tell you? Is he starting to think of leaving so the comments about going to his mums & then telling you this is trying to prepare you for him leaving?

Enough of him, what do you want? Are you happy with this relationship? It doesn't sound like it tbh....

WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 09:55:15

He's deleted the message! As he does with all messages on fb.

Take instance yesterday he was moody, why? Because he had to get up with the kids because me doing it all Xmas holidays and the school run back and forth, walking a mile each way twice a day isn't enough for him to allow me to have a lie in.

WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 09:57:19

Tbh I'm a single mum up to 6pm at night. I get up everyday for school do breakfast dressed walk to school. I do cleaning washing cooking shopping paying bills, I do it all. He just puts the older two to bed. I'm at the end of my tether. I've told him time again why I'm moody, the fact I do everything is a factor yet I still don't get help.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Sun 12-Jan-14 09:57:25

Yep I would be telling him his fortune too. If you feel like this, even if the fb thing is nothing (it is unlikely to be nothing by the way) you need a fresh start.
The fact that he has mentioned it to you sounds like mentionitis and I have had a front row seat with someone who behaved just like your 'D'H and I learned t my cost how it works. New year new start Wwyd

WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 10:00:16

Right now the way I feel is I want to walk. I'd happily move to my mums for a week or two and Let him take the reins of the children and do what Ido daily 7 days a week. He says he'd find it easy!

WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 10:01:22

He only mentioned it because he asked if I'd have any offers and if I had would I tell
Him. Yes I said I would tell him and no I haven't had any offers.
So he told me about his.

onetiredmummy Sun 12-Jan-14 10:01:26

Why on earth are you still with him?!

WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 10:01:43

Because I love him.

onetiredmummy Sun 12-Jan-14 10:02:10

Do you love him the way he is now? Or the way he used to be?

WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 10:04:15

Ha!! They way he used to be!

But he's always been a flirt. It's shocking he told me to be honest. He wouldn't normally say anything and he only told me because he was drunk! I bet if I was to mention it to him he would say something completely different to what he said about her over new year!

Marma1ad3 Sun 12-Jan-14 10:05:27

It depends on what you want to happen, really? Have you both considered counselling? Together ideally.

WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 10:06:15

No not considered that.

Marma1ad3 Sun 12-Jan-14 10:06:18

Also I will add all relationships go through shit bits, they can't always be good, that's not how life works. That why I suggest the counselling, it helped me and my OH so much.

onetiredmummy Sun 12-Jan-14 10:06:51

Take a good long look at the way he is now & do some cold hard calculating as to whether you want to carry on with him...brew

WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 10:07:29

When were good were very good. I just can't stand his moods. Feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Wondering what mood he's gunna be in when he wakes up! I shouldn't have to live like that! He's not violent but I can't be doing with the silent treatment not knowing if I've done something wrong or not

onetiredmummy Sun 12-Jan-14 10:07:51

Just out of interest, if you had lied & told him you have had offers, how would he react?

WwydAboutThis Sun 12-Jan-14 10:10:40

Honestly. If I'd have said yes I have had offers he would want to know who by and probably end up messaging them. I have one friend on Fb who comments or likes my statuses a lot, said friend is very gay. He said he's messaged said friend and they said their not gay.
They are. I used to work with him.

onetiredmummy Sun 12-Jan-14 10:15:38

Just because he's not violent is not a plus in a relationship, you don't need me to tell you that smile

Re the silent treatment of course you haven't done anything wrong! He's just keeping you nervous & quiet around him so he can do wtf he likes.

Fairenuff Sun 12-Jan-14 10:26:28

I'd happily move to my mums for a week or two and Let him take the reins of the children and do what Ido daily 7 days a week. He says he'd find it easy!

If he is agreeable to this I would definitely take him up on the offer. Maybe not two weeks, just do one.

Seriously.

You need the break and he is taking the piss. Call his bluff and take the time for yourself. Whilst you are there book some counselling for yourself and find out where you would stand if you did separate.

Put yourself first for once.

Of course, if he won't agree to this after all, then tell him that you need to sort out a more even spread of the childcare and housework.

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