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Another massive arguement

(27 Posts)
nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 13:00:15

Well, bit of a back story on my relationship, he's very nasty in an argument and shouts abuse at me.. I've never really said anything nasty back, just swear a lot and try to verbally defend myself against his ridiculous accusations.

Well this morning I went to help him with the bins, he snapped at me to leave him to it, so I went inside, a bit hurt as I was just trying to help before he left for the day.

He came in to say he was leaving now for the football (all day thing), and I was still pissed off and he asked what was up and I said I was annoyed he spoke to me like that. Well the abuse started as usual, even though he's promised not to.. blah blah blah..

Anyhow, he's come upstairs to my office, I've asked him to leave me alone about 30 times, he won't.. shouts at me that I'll be a shit mother one day and I fuck everything up and I'm useless, he's already been on dating sites to line the next one up etc etc, I got up and tried to close the door to get him out, he wouldn't get out, a scuffle ensued and I was trying to push him out the room, he won't leave, I push him with my hand under his neck, not sure why, but it seemed like a good way to get him to leave the room and now he has a red mark on his neck.

He's said I've abused him, despite the 5 years of mental abuse he's given me.. I've never hit anyone in my life and now I feel like I've done something really bad and everyone will think I'm abusive.

I've hacked into his iPad and he did go on plenty of fish last weekend, on saturday and sunday and also googled about 7 times the name of someone he works with who he's always said is a "minger", I've not met her.

I've cried so much, he's left for football now and I'm so lost and upset that it's come to this. I've spoken to my best friend and he's very supportive, but I'm so upset with myself for leaving a mark on him and also that he has that to use against me now.

I've not been interested in sex recently and he's been pestering me constantly, turning every conversation into a sex joke.. it put's me off so much, and he never comes to bed with me, even a couple of times a week would be nice for intimacy and cuddling, but never. He says he falls asleep, well on his iPad he looks at porn every night instead. I go bed at 12-12:30am, so it's not like I'm not up late, and he gets up at 6:30 for work, so he waits til I've gone bed to look at porn. I don't mind porn, I look at it myself now and again, but everynight? and he's looked at fleshlights online too.

I know I can't stay with him, but how do I get my thoughts together..

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 13:01:35

Lots of drip feeds to come, I just can't bring myself to write the whole back story out..

sooperdooper Sat 11-Jan-14 13:04:31

He sounds awful, what are you actually getting out if this relationship? I've never said this before but seriously LTB, you are worth so much more than this

While he's out at the football pack his bags

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 13:04:54

This is the man who wants us both to shower before and after sex each time.. he used to lie about visiting his mum.. He's secretive and his mum hates me it seems.

He is anti social and tries to split up and friendships that I have. He screams abuse in my face about how I'm a slag, a bitch, a thicko ~(just graduated with a 1:1 this summer, he is academic), says nasty stuff about my family, tells me he's ashamed of me.. just everything.. then says he didn't mean it and he just said it to hurt my feelings.

sooperdooper Sat 11-Jan-14 13:05:33

Or alternatively could you go and stay with your friend for z few days to gather your thoughts? Is the house rented in both your names?

sooperdooper Sat 11-Jan-14 13:06:29

Don't stay with this man, leave now

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 13:07:30

It's a rented house in both our names. I don't get anything but bad companionship I guess.. I've got so many options in life and he hasn't and I think he's jealous.

I'm very overweight, size 22, and I think he thinks it's okay to treat me like this.

YoniMatopoeia Sat 11-Jan-14 13:10:12

Honestly? Leave. Work on your self esteem. You will be happier without him.

MistressDeeCee Sat 11-Jan-14 13:11:43

OMG. Get away from this bully as quickly as you can. He's not good enough for you.

sooperdooper Sat 11-Jan-14 13:15:11

Your size is irrelevant, he's a disgusting bully

Why don't you call a friend and go and stay for a few days, and sort out moving out, if the house is rented its easy enough to get out of, move on with your life and take the options you know you've got, life can only be improved without him in it

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 13:15:49

I'm definitely leaving him now.. I've not been happy for a long time, even when we got together he was so awkward and weird about things, I just guess I stuck in there hoping it would get better.

He just text and blamed me for the dating site.

My self esteem is very low, but I know I'm a nice person, lots of people who want to be my friend, broad mix of hobbies.. it's just all died when I started seeing him, 5 years of crap.

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 13:17:40

My friend is married with 3 children, they have offered me to stay there but I'm not in danger here, and I run a business from home so I need to work still.

I got a huge tax bill that I have to pay by the end of the month and I've only got credit card money.

I want him to leave and I can pay for this house myself.

I also have the option to go to Australia, my sister is out there, but I have to apply for the VISA before my 31st birthday (end of may).

sooperdooper Sat 11-Jan-14 13:34:39

Blaming you for the dating site is classic bullying behaviour, ignore that, in fact you'll be so much better off without him that it's irrelevant and just another reason why you're leaving him

Is there somewhere he can go? Tell him to leave, ASAP, don't enter into a discussion with him over any elements of he argument, it's pointless and will only upset you, now you know you'll be better alone just focus on how quickly you can get him to leave

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 13:41:57

He just rang and said he's not leaving, I'll have to leave.

I can't afford to leave at the moment really.

He said he will talk about it tonight, and I said I don't want to talk about it, I want to just arrange what to do with the house.

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 13:47:44

He will never change. I've been on here a few times over the year wondering what to do about it, and had the same LTB replies, but I guess you just carry on and everything seems better the next day.

I've finished Uni now though, which means I'm free to do what I want.

He was an arse about my graduation and other important things in my life.

Enough is enough. I can do better.

Musicaltheatremum Sat 11-Jan-14 13:55:17

Well done on your degree. OP.
What ties do you have here in the UK? Could you start afresh somewhere else? Australia sounds interesting.
I am always horrified by the people some women live with. It is so sad.
Sorry, not giving you any help really but just want you to know you could make a good life for yourself and get rid of this idiot.

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 14:00:01

Thanks Musical smile

No massive ties really, mum and sister both live abroad in different places, don't see dad much and he lives 200 miles away.

I had a nice first relationship for 8.5yrs, it didn't work out for a lot of reasons, but it was NORMAL, and so I know what I'm missing, which makes it worse.

I could go Australia and live near my sister, she would help me loads, and I can use my degree to get a job fairly easily and then maybe get sponsorship for residency later on.

I guess I'm just so nervous about starting again.

ImperialBlether Sat 11-Jan-14 14:20:30

I think I remember your earlier threads, OP. Everyone told you to leave him then. Yes, he's nasty, yes he's jealous. You have absolutely no reason to stay with him.

Please, please, get yourself together and leave him. How much space do you need for your business?

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 14:24:16

I just need a room, double bedroom size. I have cutting machines that make a noise, similar to a loud sewing machine, so I'm a little limited as to where I can move, not sure if it would cause problems in a flat.

I've looked at houses and I can afford it, just not got any cash for a deposit, due to the tax bill, but I can save around £1000 a month, so won't take me long to save up.

I'm looking at Australia, could be good for me, I know my sister loves it and has been trying to get me to go over for years. I've not gone because of this relationship, but that doesn't matter now.

I know he'll bring out the tears and begging later and I'm worried I'll not leave just for an easy life.

Been discussing it all day with my friend and hopefully I can follow through with it this time because I'm sick of my life and him.

ExcuseTypos Sat 11-Jan-14 14:37:36

I remember your earlier threads too.

You say you hope you can follow and leave because you're sick of you're life and him.
Keep remembering that when you feel a bit wobbly.
You have no ties, you have a chance to start a new life, and to be happy!

Please do it. You really do deserve to be happysmile

ImperialBlether Sat 11-Jan-14 15:27:05

But when I read old threads they were exactly the same as this, OP. How unhappy are you going to get before you change your life?

MistressDeeCee Sat 11-Jan-14 15:47:04

Just go to Australia for god's sake. Youve no ties. Take a chance in life. Your partner is a disrespectful bully so your relationship is dead in the water anyway. He doesnt need you, he needs a victim. He'll be ok - he'll just seek out another victim who puts loving a man before loving herself. Although I think from your post, you have a child? Is he the father of your child/is there going to be a massive fuss re. taking child abroad?

CoffeeTea103 Sat 11-Jan-14 16:14:15

Read your post back and all of your responses. Is there a single reason that's good enough to stay. If you have to give advice to someone else in this situation what would you say? So why do you expect any less for yourself.

You're lucky in that you have options. Take one, because not everyone else has the chance to leave a situation like this.

nitrox Sat 11-Jan-14 16:17:13

I don't have children no.

I need to do it this time, and the dating site thing has really done it for me. sad I'm not sad that he's looking, I'm sad that it's come to this and I tried so hard to give him chance after chance because of some misguided loyalty.

Spoke to my sister just now and she wants me to go out asap and thinks I would love it and doesn't know why I'm with him.

I need to talk through who owns what in the house tonight, so I'll see how amicable that will be.

GoldfishCrackers Sat 11-Jan-14 16:18:03

Go to Australia! Get as far away as you can from this fucker. This is no way to live.

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