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I beat my husband today please help me

(1000 Posts)
Ashamedofviolence Sat 11-Jan-14 11:41:21

I have NC

I don't want to be flamed. I know I was wrong.

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand and I punched him repeatedly. I feel dreadful. He was calm and left the house.

We have huge problems that I can't go into as it will out me, its no excuse I know but we are both under immense pressure, tired and stressed.
I love him and I feel so ashamed. What do I do now? Where do I seek help for this, I don't want it to happen again.

If he had done it to me I'd be terrified and would leave.

How can I ever make things better?

Go to the police.

You'vs assaulted him. You should be arrested.

HavantGuard Sat 11-Jan-14 11:44:38

Exactly what Walter said.

Fairenuff Sat 11-Jan-14 11:44:47

We had a bad night and a bad morning, both stressed and argued. It got out of hand

You can stop making excuses for your behavioiur. There is never a reason to punch someone like that.

Have you spoken to your gp about it? That would be the first step.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 11-Jan-14 11:45:11

That you realise it's wrong is a good start. Was he hurt? You talk about immense pressure, tiredness and stress. Did you hit him out of anger? frustration? malice? And is this a one-off or is this normal behaviour for you?

HotCrossPun Sat 11-Jan-14 11:45:12

You can't love him. You punched him repeatedly. There is no going back from that.

GotMyGoat Sat 11-Jan-14 11:46:46

Taking yourself to the police will prove to your husband that you are truly ashamed of what you have done.

AngelinaK Sat 11-Jan-14 11:46:54

I think u guys need to talk and get help.
Talk to your gp, cancelling.

Ruprekt Sat 11-Jan-14 11:47:19

Where is he now?

He must be devastated. Has he ever hit you?

You need some serious help. Would he phone the police to have you arrested? Do you have children? Where are they?

Blushingm Sat 11-Jan-14 11:47:28

Have you ever lost control like this before?

KareKare Sat 11-Jan-14 11:47:33

I think you need to speak to your GP.

I hope he keeps away from you now OP, for his sake.

MillyONaire Sat 11-Jan-14 11:47:35

seriously?? What would being arrested cure??? Genuine question - I am afraid I have no words of wisdom for OP just that surely prosecutions and jail sentences are aimed at punishing and rehabilitating people.
OP how about counselling instead????

I'm going to get really fucking angry if people start making excuses for this because you're a woman and rest assured anyone who tells you that there's ANY excuse for this or tells you that your poor dh should do ANYTHING other than report you to the police is gender discriminating and it's fucking disgusting.

Go and see your GP. You say you are stressed and under immense pressure, go and see your doctor immediately. Do not brush this aside. Be prepared for your partner to leave though. He deserves to live free from abuse.

She's committed a violent assault.

You don't get to beat the shit out of someone just because you're stressed.

She needs punishment and rehabilitation and I hope to god someone in her dh's real life tells him this.

KareKare Sat 11-Jan-14 11:49:34

Walter, sadly there is always a huge gender disparity on MN on dv threads.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 11-Jan-14 11:49:51

It's not gender discriminating to want to know more about the circumstances. If you've got some small woman lashing out at a big man who is being provocative & aggressive it is different - and would be treated differently in a court - than if it is the other way around.

Jaffacakesallround Sat 11-Jan-14 11:50:00

Oh don't be silly- go to the police?

Why would anyone do that? Not helpful advice at all.

OP- you need some help but best get it through counselling and anger management- go and see your GP and tell them you have a problem with your temper.

BillyBanter Sat 11-Jan-14 11:51:21

You can be respectful of his feelings and any requests he makes that you give him space or leave the family home while he recovers/has a think.

If you are both at tethers end with each other and so being unkind to each other, losing your tempers etc, then this needs to be addressed but I have no idea how, especially without any details.

There doesn't seem to be much advice out there for the people who do the punching.

I agree a visit to your GP might be a good place to start.

Jaffa if OP had come on here and said her dh had punched her repeatedly would you tell her to go to the police?

He was calm and left the house

It doesn't sound like he was aggressive, I'm sure OP would have mentioned that?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 11-Jan-14 11:52:53

Yes we would because a fair working assumption is that a man is stronger and bigger than a woman.

Well it's not as if we get to speak to many male abusers here is it? I would tell a man to seek help and prepare for his partner to leave. We don't know what level of stress this is at all and that's not an excuse its a fact. She needs medical help for the stress. Its up to her partner to go to the police

GotMyGoat Sat 11-Jan-14 11:54:23

Jaffacakes - would you say that if OP was a man? Honestly, I'm agreeing with Walter here - OP has committed a crime, there is a victim here, by being up front about that and reporting the crime herself she will not only be justly punished but also be able to more readily access the support she needs to make sure that she never uses violence again. Her husband may have some respect for her from this and the relationship may be able to move forward if that is what her DH wants after rehabilitation.

That's the fucking point.

And to be clear, there have been plenty of posts on here where the poster was terrified of her aggressive husband/partner and lashes out and I have been fully supportive.

I don't get the impression that that's what happened here.

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