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is this normal? bedroom stuff.

(108 Posts)
wonderingquietly Sat 11-Jan-14 11:17:16

I've name changed for this, but am a regular poster.

Quite embarrassing, but I am wondering what's normal when it comes to how long a man lasts in bed.

I was married for a long time, and my ex husband lasted for an hour minimum, usually more like 90 minutes. This was whether it was penetration or other stuff.

My latest partner, well penetration has never lasted more than five minutes. I'm not timing him, obviously, but it feels very quick. He gets an erection easily so I don't think that is the problem, and he always works on me first for a long, long time before penetration. However, I can't orgasm without penetration so that is important to me.

He is touchy when I mention is; he says no me has ever complained before and that he has always given previous partners multiple orgasms, saying if he gets them to orgasm once before penetration, then they always come again during actual sex.

Is this normal? I know its relative but but would this feel like premature ejaculaton/some sort of problem if a man couldn't go longer than five minutes of penetratiin, or was I just spoiled by my ex? Lol.

wonderingquietly Sat 11-Jan-14 11:18:11

Sorry for the over use of the word penetraton! Ugh. I promise I am not a troll!

HoratiaDrelincourt Sat 11-Jan-14 11:18:58

Five minutes is more normal than ninety, I'd say!

wonderingquietly Sat 11-Jan-14 11:26:33

Yeah the 60-90 minutes walk weid, I know that. He was desensitised or something I think.

But it feels like I've gone from one extreme to the other and I don't know what's row status quo.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 11-Jan-14 11:39:06

'Normal' is actually less important here than how you feel about it. If you're unhappy with your sex-life, not being taken seriously, and this is particularly important to you then maybe you're just not a good match. Life is too short to settle for crap shags. smile

fiftyandfab Sat 11-Jan-14 11:40:38

He is touchy when I mention is; he says no me has ever complained before and that he has always given previous partners multiple orgasms, saying if he gets them to orgasm once before penetration, then they always come again during actual sex.

???

THEY are not YOU! Doesn't he know one size does NOT fit ALL (no pun intended).

OP what's 'normal' for one isn't for the next person. Clearly this is something you both need to work on? Is frequency an issue?

Loopylouu Sat 11-Jan-14 11:42:48

90 mins.

Wow. It's five mins of shit foreplay here (usually me to him as he is quite rough and just looks bored touching me) followed by 5 mins of shit sex. I've given up trying to talk to dh about what I like in bed. He has a low sex drive too so it's only once every couple of weeks, I'm trying to kill my high sex drive, it's getting easier as the ex gets shittier.

Loopylouu Sat 11-Jan-14 11:43:29

The sex, not ex.

Jaffacakesallround Sat 11-Jan-14 11:48:01

I'd say most men who can last for 90 minutes have some sort of problem ( sorry Sting if you are reading.)

5 minutes is sign perhaps of prem ejac. It depends whether he can delay- or just won't. Which do you think it is? Mnay men would like to get it over with in 5, but hold back for their partner.

I am sure he's touchy about it because he knows he has a problem.

nickymanchester Sat 11-Jan-14 11:51:11

Seriously? 90 mins of PIV?

As you say though, it has gone from one extreme to the other.

Five mins is a bit on the short side. I think that DH usually manages about 10 mins of actual PIV thrusting plus any time that we take to change to different positions or stop to do other things while changing position etc. Sorry that was probably way TMI

Have you thought about maybe getting into a spooning position - don't know if that's the right word or perhaps cowgirl - again don't know if that's the right term. My DH seems to take longer when we spend more time in those positions. Especially when I'm on top I can usually suss out when he's about to cum so I can slow things down if I want to.

Loopylouu Sat 11-Jan-14 12:14:50

Jaffa - unfortunately dh is not the kind to delay for me. It's not prem ejaculation with him, he's just very selfish in bed. Stems from the Internet porn addiction he had from 13 until he met me at 26.

He has no idea of what real sex is, just the porn version. I'm 6 years older than him and prior to him had relation ships with men 10-15 years older than him who hadn't had access to constant Internet porn from such a young age, so didn't have the same unrealistic view point.

Jaffacakesallround Sat 11-Jan-14 12:16:57

Loopy- maybe start your own thread on this because your experiences don't seem to be the same as what the OP is saying.

annieorangutan Sat 11-Jan-14 12:17:18

Dh can hold off for as long as we want. Its a learnt skill though I would say.

Out of interest was your ex in anyway controlling? My ex lasted that long and he was very controlling. I assume now that the two things were linked.

annieorangutan Sat 11-Jan-14 12:21:08

Most men want to get it over in 5? I very much dount thats true unless they are 14

pictish Sat 11-Jan-14 12:21:09

I saw an article recently which aimed to debunk the myths of porn sex...it was put together to help stop young people from having unrealistic expectations from sex via watching porn.

It said that the average time span an ordinary man will last during penatrative sex before ejaculation was less than four minutes.

pictish Sat 11-Jan-14 12:31:17

Sorry...it's actually within three minutes, not four.

Here is the video that accompanied the article at the time.

annieorangutan Sat 11-Jan-14 12:34:04

That cant be true I do not believe 75% come in 3 mins. Not a chance.

pictish Sat 11-Jan-14 12:44:17

Well...I haven't had a huge amount of sexual partners in my time - less than 10, so I'm no sexpert - but I can say in all honesty I've never had a sexual encounter that involved anything like an hour of penetration. Nowhere close, in fact.

The longest I can recall was probably around 10 minutes or so, after which I asked him to stop because it was becoming tedious and sore.

I don't think my sexual experiences, scant compared to some though they may be, are below par or lacking in any way. I've always enjoyed a good sex life with my husband...but no, he sure as hell doesn't go for an hour!

pictish Sat 11-Jan-14 12:49:02

I think part of the problem these days, is that many men want porn sex, and many women expect movie sex.
Neither of which are even a close approximation of actual sex.

Jaffacakesallround Sat 11-Jan-14 12:49:05

According to something in the book The Naked Ape, published ages ago, men can come in around 8 seconds of penetrative sex- roughly 8 thrusts.

So the evidence here of 5-10 minutes seems quite reasonable.

I think it depends what he's doing not how long it lasts.

pictish Sat 11-Jan-14 12:52:09

I'd have to agree that keeping it up for 10 minutes is good bloody going.

So in short OP...yes, you have been spoiled by your ex's freakishly good stamina! He is no way represents the norm. Not by a long shot.

annieorangutan Sat 11-Jan-14 12:55:21

Sounds like propoganda to me to put up with selfish sex

pictish Sat 11-Jan-14 12:56:51

Bollocks does it.

TheMagicToyshop Sat 11-Jan-14 12:58:27

I think the problem here has very little to do with the time and a lot to do with the fact that he's disregarding what you want, refusing to adjust or compromise, and telling you that because other women were satisfied you should be. I'd be worried about whether he disregards what you say in other areas of the relationship.

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