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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Does it matter to you how much your partner earns?

766 replies

brusslesprout · 07/01/2014 23:52

Not wanting to start a debate or anything like that just a general musing really if this is a really important factor for everyone?

I wonder when looking at the bigger picture does it make the relationship better/easier?

My bf doesn't earn much which bothers me a little sometimes but on the same merit has no debts or bad spending habits as he's always had to be careful.

Growing up my Dad had quite a well paid job but isn't too good with money so still is in a lot of debt when he should be relaxing into retirement.

So yes does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

OP posts:

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Twinsplusonesurprise · 07/01/2014 23:55

Well as a purist I say no. It matters more that you enjoy your job, after all it's what you spend most of your time doing.
But I'm now SAHM so yes, it now does matter as DH has to earn enough for all of us.
Guess it depends a bit on circs. Does it matter to your bf?

BunnyLebowski · 07/01/2014 23:57

Yes. The amount he earns allows me to stay at home.

LittleThorinOakenshield · 07/01/2014 23:58

It's not what would initially attract me to someone but the more they earn the easier life is.

Unless they are a spend thrift.

Anomaly · 08/01/2014 00:02

My DH earns a similar amount to me if I were to work full time. It would bother me if he earnt less because I would have to work more!

I like the fact that he has some ambition and I know he feels a sense of responsibility to provide for his family.

Money has caused enormous arguments at times though and even now can be a flash point.

Anomaly · 08/01/2014 00:02

My DH earns a similar amount to me if I were to work full time. It would bother me if he earnt less because I would have to work more!

I like the fact that he has some ambition and I know he feels a sense of responsibility to provide for his family.

Money has caused enormous arguments at times though and even now can be a flash point.

Only1scoop · 08/01/2014 00:04

I think I would struggle being the main bread winner. I love working part time in my career and its due to dp earnings that I can do that.

Lweji · 08/01/2014 00:10

It didn't when I married now exH.

Now, if I was going to marry, I'm not sure. It would have to be someone really special.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/01/2014 00:14

It would matter to me if I had a partner. I suppose it shouldn't but I'm way past seeing poverty as a romantic attribute. Had one DH that earned loads but spent more & that didn't work out. Had another DP that saw me as a meal-ticket & that didn't last long either. So high on my list of qualities I look for in a man is 'solvent'.

ShanghaiDiva · 08/01/2014 00:15

not so important - key issue is you have the same attitude to money e.g - large purchases, savings, pensions etc

Backonthefence · 08/01/2014 00:18

It's probably yes for most it's on par with height in attractiveness.

hoppinghare · 08/01/2014 00:20

I agree that a similar attitude to money is more important or good communication about finances. The amount of money my h earns is not important to me. Just as well.

MurderOfGoths · 08/01/2014 00:22

Nope. Be a bit fucked if it did.

brusslesprout · 08/01/2014 00:23

It doesn't matter to my partner but does bother me that I'm the main breadwinner, maybe just because I grew up in a house where the man earned the most.

I find money very depressing and hate even thinking about/worrying about it but unfortunately it's unavoidable

OP posts:

KareKare · 08/01/2014 00:29

Not something I considered when I fell in love with dh.

But now, yes it is important.

Joysmum · 08/01/2014 00:36

No.

When I got together with hubby, he was an apprentice on £55pw (19 years ago). I'd just relocated back home and was looking for a job. Then I got a job earning £300pw. Now I'm a SAHM and have been for 12 years but hoping to accepted to train as a nurse and hubby is earning loads of money (for the likes of us anyway!).

It doesn't matter. We're a team and our income is shared.

brusslesprout · 08/01/2014 00:37

MurderofGoths

OP posts:

MoJangled · 08/01/2014 00:45

I'd love it not to matter. In my soul it doesn't matter. But back here in real life, oh boy does it matter.

That bit in 'up in the air' when George Cloony's squeeze describes her perfect man and says (something like) 'strong hands, nice smile, and let him earn more than me, it just makes things so much easier'. What she said.

Lweji · 08/01/2014 00:50

You do have to consider what you'd do if you had children. Would you afford childcare? Would he be prepared to stay at home? And would he actually pull his weight as a sahp?

AcrossthePond55 · 08/01/2014 00:58

Nope, never bothered me a bit. I made more from the day we met and my pension is more than his now that we are retired. And I was the sole breadwinner for around 2 years early in our marriage when he was off work due to an injury. His yearly earnings were maybe 20% less than mine, give or take. It never bothered either of us. It wouldn't have bothered either of us if I had earned less than him, so why should it bother us when I earned more? What was important was that we loved each other and shared our life equally.

Double standard, IMHO. Doesn't matter who earns what as long as you have an equal partnership where it counts.

MurderOfGoths · 08/01/2014 01:02

"Doesn't matter who earns what as long as you have an equal partnership where it counts."

I like that :)

Logg1e · 08/01/2014 04:59

op Not wanting to start a debate or anything like that just a general musing really...

Oh, ok.

CoffeeandNumbers · 08/01/2014 06:07

When we first got together it didn't matter. He had a rubbish NMW job, came from a rough estate, family are dirt poor.
...but honestly, I don't think I would have gone out with him unless I'd seen that bit of ambition in him.
Now I'm a sahm, and dh has a well paid job, yes it matters a lot. (Not a popular view on here, but bottom line, I like being looked after.)

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BohemianGirl · 08/01/2014 06:29

Of course it matters. Same as lack of ambition matters. Personally I could never have a relationship with a plodder, I prefer someone with a little get-up-and-go.

Money (or lack of it) is the single biggest cause of relationship breakdown.

simmerdown · 08/01/2014 06:31

DH has recently started earning a lot of money. He has achieved it solely with his brain power and that I find powerfully attractive. I would still be with him if we had to live on pasta but if I am truthful, it is exciting to be able to plan a no-holds-barred future.

TheDoctrineOf2014 · 08/01/2014 06:39

Household income is important, yes.it's been great for is to both work and both earn similar amounts.

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