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how to help someone when they don't want to help themselves.

(34 Posts)

can someone advise me on how I can support my husband who won't accept he might have depression or get help.
I think it's got to the point he needs help, he is not one to make many friends and spending alot of time on social media instead of enjoying real life.
I am committed to him 100% but he thinks I am the one that needs to change, but he can't see his own problems.
I have given him an ultimatum several times, but am starting to realise this attitude does not help someone who keeps things to themselves and won't get advice from other sources.
would appreciate advice from those who are going through this with their husbands or just how to understand the disease if he won't get help.

Preciousbane Sun 05-Jan-14 23:01:32

Personally I don't think it is actual depression, you can be stressed and down but depression is a whole different kettle of fish.

The point about others commenting on how you should trust him etc, no one knows what it is like in a relationship apart from the couple and even then people within the relationship dont always understand everything.

I think your almost hoping it is depression to excuse his behaviour, sorry op it isn't sounding a very healthy relationship.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 06-Jan-14 08:31:16

I don't think you're even getting 1% commitment to talking things through and working things out. You're being excluded in favour of social media and whoever it is on the other end of the phone.

yes you are right-
it makes me feel like shit I am trying to make it a balanced healthy relationship he is not contributing.
I said I was not happy anymore last night and I did not feel he was giving me a 100% of his commitment- I said he needs to work out what it is that is the problem and if he is not willing to talk to a professional he needs to self help himself and decides what he wants in life because I am not accepting this anymore.
I just had shrugged shoulders like a teenager then nose in the phone
ffs

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 06-Jan-14 10:32:04

OK... so you've said 'I am not accepting this any more' i.e. you've issued the ultimatum. So what does 'not accepting' look like? What changes now? He leaves? You leave? You see a solicitor? What are the next steps?

I think the next change will be if it's not this woman
then he has to go and see the GP
and if he doesn't make the appointment
I will.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 06-Jan-14 10:56:15

He shrugged when you told him to see the GP so I think you can save a little time there and make the appointment. But this is still about him. What are your next steps?

I think I will just focus on myself I don't want out even if he is withdrawing at the moment.
You are never going to believe this I was in a shop in town and the woman who we've been talking about came in the shop.
I have only seen her photo on social media, but I could tell it was her there was such an awkward atmosphere.
ffs though why did I just walk past and ignore her?...

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 06-Jan-14 14:09:47

She's not your concern really. You're married to him, not her.

yes that is true!! maybe just as well i ignored then ;-)

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