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Please help. Dd been assaulted.

(212 Posts)
MandatoryMongoose Sat 04-Jan-14 18:05:51

My DD is 14, one of her friends called me today to say she was worried about DD, that she'd self harmed and I needed to speak to her.

So the story turns out to be - she went to a 17yr old boys flat when she was on her way to a friends house 2 days ago. It seems this boy has been asking her repeatedly to go around there (trying to get her to tell me she was staying at a friends and go there for the night - which she wouldn't).

While she was there he was physically violent towards her, took photographs of her (crying and partially clothed) then threatened to post them online unless she performed a sex act on him. DD was scared, crying and saying she didn't want to.

He deleted the pictures afterwards (she thinks all of them).

He also text her after he let her leave saying 'don't tell anyone' and that he was 'just joking' (I assume about the threat to post pictures).

DD is obviously very upset (she had scratched her arm with something - no real physical injury, 2nd time she's ever tried self harming, 1st time was a couple of years ago).

She thinks she's partially responsible (shouldn't have gone there, should have stopped him). I've tried to reassure her she's in absolutely no way responsible no matter what she did and that there's nothing she could have done.

What do I do now? I feel sick and tearful. I want to support DD the best I can - I've asked her to consider reporting it, she's not sure she wants to. I really want her to but I don't want to pressure her.

I don't even know what help I want here. I guess just some advice on how to support her, what might happen if she reports it, do I encourage her to or not?

Lweji Mon 06-Jan-14 21:40:28

It is no surprise at all that he is lying. The police may be able to get him to admit to it eventually, but I doubt it.
Hopefully, they will find evidence, on his phone for example.

In any case, he will know that she didn't cow for embarrassment and has fought back. If it comes out, maybe even other girls he has attacked will feel the strength to complain. Or it may deter him from doing it again.

In any case, take care of yourselves and keep an eye on her. As someone said, counselling may be necessary before the normal channels.

Loggins Mon 06-Jan-14 22:39:08

Did they say they will retrieve the photos from his phone? That would be enough to prove he is lying!

Hope all is well at school tomorrow. Lots of hugs for you x

BakerStreetSaxRift Mon 06-Jan-14 22:39:34

Mandatory, you are a great Mum, and your DD has done so well.

I'd also pitch in for a jumper, or a new different one if she'd rather not have the memories.

flowers

LittleNoona Mon 06-Jan-14 22:43:52

What a little bastard.

Nothing can be permanently deleted - police have the resources to retrieve all deleted data on mobiles with the exception of blackberry's.

Fingers crossed he doesn't have a bb

cjel Mon 06-Jan-14 23:18:22

Hope you can concentrate on your lovely dd and not whether he lies or not.xx

livingzuid Mon 06-Jan-14 23:24:15

So sorry to read what you and DD have been through. And how brave and strong to report it to the police.

I just wanted to mention the counselling point. It's all to easy when faced with abuse to try and normalise what happened and bury it deep down. I 100% understand her reluctance to talk about it again but it is only through talking with an experienced professional in a safe environment that it won't haunt her.

You may not wish to get her there straight away but if possible do try and ensure she speaks to someone at some point or it cold have long-term implications. She has suffered a severe trauma and can manifest in ways that won't be helpful to her in the long run.

Apologies for sounding like a doom lord so soon after what you have been through and you have coped amazingly well.

horsetowater Tue 07-Jan-14 11:56:22

Following on from livingzuid's advice on counselling, perhaps your daughter would be happier to talk to someone online - Childline have a good system set up.

The website has a lot of information that is appropriate for her age.

donnie Tue 07-Jan-14 12:08:52

OP just wanted to add my voice to all the others who are commending you for your strength and fabulous mummy skills!

In the months/years to come, your dd will be so glad that the whole nasty event was not buried and hidden but addressed and confronted. She will know that she was believed and taken seriously and that will mean the world to her. It will give her strength and help her see that she did not have to just accept abuse. She will know and remember that you, as well as the police etc believed her and fought for her. That is really important.

I really hope she is able to get some peace of mind and that you are too. keep us all posted.xx

Greenkit Tue 07-Jan-14 16:10:12

First hurdle jumped, keep strong the truth will out x

candycoatedwaterdrops Tue 07-Jan-14 16:30:13

You're an amazing mum. flowers I feel very strongly that your DD will get through this with such a lovely mum by her side. She also sounds very mature and she is very brave too. x

annielouisa Tue 07-Jan-14 18:32:41

You have done so well and been so supportive for your DD. I hope things go well for you both but there will be sad days, angry days and just can't be ars*d days. Just remembered he is the only one to blame for all this!!

cees Tue 07-Jan-14 22:47:48

Oh Mandatory, I'm so sorry, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. You are both being so strong.

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