Can anyone help me to cope with this? I separated from H in July after 23 yrs together, 16 married, 2 dcs. He'd never been interested in family life, I did most things for dcs as well as working ft. Once the dcs came along he became emotionally cold, never wanted to do anything with me, no affection, v little sex. Caught him 3 times having online relationships with other women.
We called it a day in July, he wanted a divorce. I wasn't ready to accept it was over but then found yet another online affair so filed for divorce. He moved out in Sept.
He's been quite emotionally unstable since then, seems very down, still moaning and complaining about everything. No different to before. I've been much happier, things much calmer at home, kids fine.
The divorce should be through in the next month or so. So I've started seeing a new guy. It's nothing too serious but it's nice to have the odd fun night out, he's very affectionate and nice. I enjoy seeing him when I can.
H has been quite unpredictable over Xmas about when he can have the children. He's changed his mind a few times and it's been quite hard to plan anything (both work and social) because I never know when he's having them over.
So I had a talk with him yesterday, firstly to check we were still ok to divorce, that we've made the right decision in separating etc. Yes, both all fine, agreed we were moving on. I decided to tell him I was seeing a guy, because I hate lying about where I am and if there's a problem with the dcs while they're with him I'd rather be where I say I am rather than creeping about. I confirmed that I wasn't going to tell the children, and that new guy wasn't going to come to my (was our) house for a long time yet. But I'm not someone who can lie so I wanted it out in the open. He seemed ok about it.
Today however, exh has obviously had time to digest this and has come round and had a major meltdown. Apparently he's had the worst Xmas ever (so have I) none of my family want anything to do with him (both my mum and sister have contacted him and sent birthday cards & presents)
He didn't get any texts on NYE (can't believe that, but I certainly didn't send him one) and had an awful night (so did I) He's coming next week to throw out all his stuff that's left in my house so that there's nothing of his here when another man comes here. I've told him he's not been and won't be doing.
He wanted to know when I started seeing him (in Nov) and just looked like a broken man.
I'm worried about him. I know I shouldn't be but I hate to see anyone so upset, and even though he broke me into little pieces I can't bring myself to hate him
He cried and so did I, and we hugged. I don't ever want him back, but it's horrible seeing him like that. He doesn't appear to have anyone to talk to. (although the week he was leaving he was messaging some woman arranging to meet up so don't know what's happened to her)
Come on. Tell me to pull myself together. Please?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Exh losing it, what do I do?
RollerCola · 03/01/2014 20:49
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