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Now single, in the total shit....

(59 Posts)
oopsadaisyme Fri 03-Jan-14 16:20:38

Been left with nothing, now:

Getting £26 a week taken off income support for an unknown fine and ancient budgeting loan, now totalling 2000 apparently, and due to my ex -

I pay 30 per week to top up my rent (so have just cancelled out my child benefit) - I cannot move the kids again

20 + 25 for gas and electric per week on meter

Debts owing, tv and council tax clears out the rest -

So how the hell do I feed and clothe my family?

I'm crying my eyes out writing this - I have no extended family, and balliff letters a plenty right now -

What do I do??

foolonthehill Fri 03-Jan-14 16:24:37

Phone your health visitor or social worker right now and get referred to the local food bank...that will get you at least 3 visits to fill the initial gap.

do it now.

I'll be back, hopefully with any other thoughts.

DustyBaubles Fri 03-Jan-14 16:26:04

If you rent, and don't see the likelihood of ever getting a mortgage, I'd file for bankruptcy to wipe out the debts (although it won't cover council tax etc.).

In the short term, can you get a referral to a food bank? I think the CAB can refer, and they can help with your budget too.

lookingfoxy Fri 03-Jan-14 16:28:31

Get some debt advice.
pay your essentials, does your council have a welfare advice team you may be able to get a grant to help pay your rent.
Dry meters are usually much cheaper, can you strike a deal that you'll switch suppliers if they change the meters?
Buying food/gas/electric are all essential, do this first before paying any other bills.

foolonthehill Fri 03-Jan-14 16:33:07

family benefits check
I'm sure you've done this but just in case.....

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 03-Jan-14 16:34:35

Sorry you're struggling. I'd really recommend you contact CAB urgently for free debt advice. They're very good at helping people with debts, benefit issues and so on. Good luck

foolonthehill Fri 03-Jan-14 16:38:14

www.cheap-family-recipes.org.uk/. family of 4 fed for £100 per month.....actually you can do it cheaper we are 5 and i manage on £50 frequently (and my DC eat more than me)

value bread and beans for one meal a week and porridge for breakfast, jam sandwiches for a couple of lunches. And some serious debt advice.

moving your children may be something you have to consider. better than being cold and hungry

oopsadaisyme Fri 03-Jan-14 16:41:49

dusty how do I file for bankruptsy?

I hate to ask this, but I owe so much (not particularly down to me, but in my name, was a fool!)

I've got threatning letter from balliffs et al right now, in a world of shit -

fool no social worker, and don't particularly want to hit a health visitor for food bank, (although, embarrassingly enough I think I may need to) - and don't see this being a short term thing, I don't see anyway my financial situation will get better???

What has happened to my life????

Walkacrossthesand Fri 03-Jan-14 16:43:22

And why are you liable for an ancient budgeting loan and fine, if your ex was responsible? Why isn't he coughing up the £26/week? Can you challenge that?

oopsadaisyme Fri 03-Jan-14 16:45:55

fool I would work 10 jobs a week as long as childcare could be sorted for them and as long as I don't have to move the kids again -

You've no idea how important -

I just need to know how to go to work to be better off -

I don't know what to do

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 03-Jan-14 16:46:50

You really need CAB, CCCS, National Debtline or other free debt advice. They can walk you through all your options which may or may not include bankruptcy and, in the meantime, get the creditors & bailiffs off your back. If you are being charged for your ex's debts, they can look into that as well. Don't be embarrassed to ask for short-term help such as food banks. That's what it's there for.

oopsadaisyme Fri 03-Jan-14 16:47:45

walk I wish, but all in my name - I was that naive - my fault -

oopsadaisyme Fri 03-Jan-14 16:51:33

maybe should of listened to his ex wife of 16 years, but think after 6 ofe my own learned the hard way - was just a stupid 28 year old, on my own with a young son so fell into the confidence trap -

6 years on, in the shit -

lookingfoxy Fri 03-Jan-14 16:51:39

Use the link for the benefits checker.
Have you got 2 kids? I have 2 and im about 100 a week better off working 16hrs than on benefits, thats childcare as well.
you can put in the benefits checker as if your working and see yourself.

Butterytoast Fri 03-Jan-14 16:51:58

Go to cab and make sure you are applying for everything
Explore charities which give free debt advice- you should be able to reduce debt payments to a minimum based on your income
Are you getting csa?
Initially go to foodbank/ Salvation Army/ food kitchen (there are are charities that provide one hot meal per day for people in the local community, but it is area dependent. They will often have support workers there trained to help

gaygirlwales Fri 03-Jan-14 17:29:27

I wouldn't worry too much about the baiuliffs. No assets I'm assuming? (I work for bailiff company)

Leverette Fri 03-Jan-14 17:32:15

Great advice already given.

Try to reframe what's happened as at least your ex can no longer worsen your financial situation - that you are now at the lowest point and now it is in your hands, can't be screwed up by him financially manipulating/abusing you.

notapizzaeater Fri 03-Jan-14 17:36:17

Pop over to the money saving expert web site, the free debt people posting there with advice.

Loonytoonie Fri 03-Jan-14 17:37:38

OP I can't offer financial advice - I am so sorry for you - but please reconsider approaching the foodbank.

The church I attend does weekly donations to our local food bank and it's so important that you realise that these donations are given with love and care. Many of us are only a months cheque away from being on the breadline so food banks are essential. Go to yours, please.

I wish I could suggest more.

kscience Fri 03-Jan-14 17:48:07

Sweetie I am sending you a big hug to start with (and I am not a touchy feely/huggy person)

I have been there and made homeless with small child in tow. No family to turn to and sleeping on friends sofas, only a back bag with few clothes to my name. You can come through this, but it will be hellish hard and you will sink to depths you never thought possible.... but eventually you can get to "normal".

Go to CAB if you can get an appointment or look online for one of the GOVERNMENT RUN debt advice charities (watch out of businesses offering debt advice). They will not be shocked by anything and will deal with everyone on your behalf. They will also be able to help you check for anything you are not claiming but are entitled to.
To file for bankruptcy will cost you about £700 so don't worry about that for now.
Don't worry about moving kids again. They are remarkably resiliant and better you move to somewhere you can afford and can afford to heat water and have heating on etc

Phone social services and get help from food bank to tide you over.

Only pay gas/electric, any debt that will have you arrested for non payment. Let the bailiffs come, you have nothing they can take.

Good luck.

oopsadaisyme Fri 03-Jan-14 18:07:20

gay I just had a bailiff over on behalf of tv licensing (because it was in my ex name), and he said if I didn't let him in he was phoning police and a locksmith -

My friend then came over, and 'Bailiff' phoned police (not that he had any right to, just said he felt 'threatened' because my friend was a fella who asked why he was there, then police, bailiff using that to try and force police to give him access,- total rubbish - called solicitor and they said wrong -

But now just worried about everything - I don't want to do that again, 39p in the bank, gas and elec on emergency until tuesday -

Phone the benefit processing team, tell them you can't afford the level of deductions and they will reduce them.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 03-Jan-14 18:30:19

Could you contact your local church? I know our local one helps people in emergencies. Even has two flats that they use to house people in crisis.

They may help you out in the short term. Sorry if this is a useless suggestion- just feel for you.

Contact cab too ASAP.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Fri 03-Jan-14 18:31:36

I am sure, well, hopeful, that if you phone is and tell them about the extreme hardship this is causing you, they may reduce the weekly deductions.
maybe get the cab to call them?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 03-Jan-14 18:33:04

You're firefighting piecemeal at the moment and that's very stressful. Do get an appointment with a debt and legal counsellor who will be able to look at your full financial situation and give you advice how to get control of the whole thing.

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