Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Save our sex life!! (contaception)

(60 Posts)
BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:17:35

I'm frustrated - literally!

DP and I used to be an 'every other day' couple. We've been together for 5 years but were friends for ages before. Initially we used condoms but tbh, quite quickly we 'relied on' withdrawal as neither of us were against having children (no step kids involved on either side)

We decided to ttc and I got a bfp after 6 months - all great, DS is now nearly 2.

BUT - our sex life is SHITE!

DP hates condoms and tbh, I think he'd rather not have sex than have to rely on them. I can't use the pill - I have high blood pressure. I don't really want to have the coil fitted as I've read lots of horror stories.

I am almost certain that DS will be an only, although we're gutted as we'd both like lots of children. My BP nearly killed me and DS - ended up with an emcs after a routine scan at 33 weeks. He was ill for a long time and the guilt was horrendous. Meds I'm on mean that I can't ttc whilst on them but would be at ris f stroke etc without them. Falling pregnant accidentally would be disastrous.

I can't face permanent contraception yet - it'd make things too final but what do we do? I miss our sex life, DP is less bothered and values a good night's kip more at the minute but I think it's because we're out of the habit.

Help!!

NickNacks Fri 03-Jan-14 15:20:16

Implant?

scaevola Fri 03-Jan-14 15:24:00

It's probably worth having a discussion with a doctor to see if any of the lower dose/lower fuss hormonal methods would be compatible with your blood pressure issues (implant or Mirena - on the basis they can be removed - rather than jab; or nuavaring).

Otherwise copper coil? Or diaphragm?

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:25:51

This is going to sound sill but I like having periods - you can set your watch by mine, between 12 and 2 o'clock every 28th day. I like that they are reliable, I know where I stand etc. Even after DS - straight back to normal!

I hate the thought of that reassuance not coming every month.

I also hate the thought of spotting or bleeding when not expecting it - I'd be constantly worried!

Probably sounds silly blush

NickNacks Fri 03-Jan-14 15:27:53

I have regular periods on my implant.

Is the implant an option for you?
I love it. I had to come off of the combined pill because I was too old and my lifestyle but the implant is fine (weird I think!)
But I think an appointment with your GP is required to get proper advice on this.

NickNacks Fri 03-Jan-14 15:28:20

Not that I'm fussed, would prefer none I guess but just so you know.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:28:41

Really NickNacks? My friend had one and never had a period?? Are there different types?

Any side effects?

I had on period on the implant but have had absolutely nothing for over a year now.
I don't have to worry about it at all.
Poor OH suffers as he has no 'break' at all - bless 'im!

One period - not ON!!! DOH!

scaevola Fri 03-Jan-14 15:31:36

As your cycle is that clockwork, if you combine calendar with temperature and mucus you might find NFP works for you (with diaphragm if periodic abstinence isn't your thing). Worth investigating? Or would you just not feel safe enough?

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:31:48

Hells - I'd hate the not knowing whether to expect a period... if I'm busy at work i often don't get chance to go to the loo for hours at a time, what if I came on and didn't notice for ages (crazy panic emoticon!!)

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:33:50

I've considered that Scaevola - but the meds I'm on mean that if I fell pg accidentally the foetus would not develop kidneys (tbh I'm quoting from my doc - never actually looked into it in detail, realise now that's crap of me) and I'd have to terminate. I'd be devastated to risk that just for a shag!

Dirtybadger Fri 03-Jan-14 15:34:51

Have you spoken to a Dr about this?

My BP was too high for CC's so I was given the options of the coil or implant. I wasn't offered the minipill because I was 'too young'. By which they meant 'we don't trust you to take it properly'. Anyway, I opted for the implant.

The first implant I had the Doctor told me that roughly 1/3 women had less or no bleeding, 1/3 women had regular or near enough normal cycle and 1/3 women had increased or troublesome bleeding.
I didn't have a period for 2 years but then bled almost constantly. I had another one put in and that carried on for another 2 years (pretty annoying) but, in its third year, has now stopped completely again. Fits and starts.
I use a minipill to control side effects (bleeding) if necassary. I know it sounds like a waste to have the implant and take a minipill but it works well for me. I am covered by the implant so it's not a big deal if I forget the minipill. And with a brain as scrambled as mine, they did have a point there!

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:36:41

Dirty - I take my hat off to you - constant bleeding?? My sex life weren't that amazing to want it back that much! ;)

Lweji Fri 03-Jan-14 15:38:03

There are quite a few methods of contraception around. Have you talked to your doctor?

The calendar + temperature + mucous can be quite good if you only stick to sex after ovulation. And if you are quite regular, then also before ovulation.

Lweji Fri 03-Jan-14 15:39:35

If you only have sex after ovulation has occurred, plus about 3 days, it's virtually impossible to get pregnant. Better than condoms during ovulation.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:40:22

Not been to the doctors yet - want to go armed with lots of info as I'm rubbish seeing medics. I never ask the right questions etc and just go along with the first thing they say (even though I am a fully functioning, professional adult)

Dirtybadger Fri 03-Jan-14 15:42:18

I would point out they offered to take it out! They said they don't like to take it out within the first year because the hormones can take a while to settle, but thereafter I think they were perfectly happy for me to have it out. I am too terrified of an unwanted pregnancy to have it out and rely on the minipill & my memory, though.

It was a bit of a catch 22 at some points but for the most part the minipill controls the side effects quite well so I can lead a normal life even when it's playing up.

I'd also assume I am an 'unlucky' one (the first couple of years were good though!!) and also someone who has never had any predictability with these things so possibly that has been something to do with it.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:43:28

My mucus (boak) is fairly noticeable, right in the middle of the month. Didn't know about fertility days etc until friend undergoing IVF mentioned that the days you feel least sexy (when thick stringy mucus is there) are the most fertile days... had sex that day and was pg that month. could be co-incidence. feels risky though

Sorry - I know I sound negative about all your suggestions, I just don't like the thought of bleeding constantly!

scaevola Fri 03-Jan-14 15:44:20

A browse in the MN contraception forum might help arm you with information.

And you might want to have a look at this table of effectiveness too

MinesAPintOfTea Fri 03-Jan-14 15:44:52

I'm on the mini pill as I had issues with the combined pill. Not had a period in a long while, I do a cheap pregnancy test at the start of each month for my own peace of mind.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Fri 03-Jan-14 15:50:40

Thanks Scae - didn't know there was a contraceptive forum! Doesn't look like people get many answers though, will give it a try smile

scaevola Fri 03-Jan-14 15:54:30

It's a bit hit and miss how many responses Family Planning threads get.

But it's great as a resource IYSWIM, because relevant threads are readily discoverable.

Casmama Fri 03-Jan-14 15:56:32

What about a diaphragm? Still a barrier method so no impact on your hormones. Never used one but might suit you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now