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Wit's end

(60 Posts)
ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:06:22

I don't know how to start, but I'll just ramble on just in case thers someone out there. I've been suffering from depression for many years, been on Prozac but got "Prozac poop out" and haven't been on antidepressants for a few years. History of PND. Now reaching menopause and feeling more and more unstable. Drinking very heavily at times.
Four kids, three live at home. All adults, oldest 28 and living with gf at our home. None of them helpful in everyday chores etc. I don't cook or do stuff for them, but none of them pay rent etc, instead they ask for money from my DH. Youngest son and daughter forever critical of me. Every day. Plus very jealous of oldest son for getting biggest room etc.we are well off, so that's not the issue but still.
On New Year's Eve I drank a bottle and a half of wine and got into an argument with youngest DS. He screamed at the top of his voice that he hates me and wishes me dead and I've spoiled his life. He's 24. I pushed him. He grabbed my throat and pushed me and I fell over and started screaming hysterically. DD ( 20 ) called ambulance. They arrived. I refused to go with them. It ended up with them calling the cops. Six policemen/women stood in my bedroom. It was like a nightmare.
I was arrested, spent nine hours in a cell then cautioned for having attacked my son. I never told them that he grabbed my throat and I never would. I don't know where to go from here. I'm desperate. Haven't eaten since New Year's Eve afternoon. Just want to die.

bragmatic Fri 03-Jan-14 00:09:13

Do you have a partner?

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:14:03

Yes I have DH we've been together 29 years

HopeClearwater Fri 03-Jan-14 00:14:39

Stop drinking.

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:17:49

I know, hopeclearwater

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:19:01

It's just that I don't drink regularly, I binge when things feel too hopeless. I know it's not an excuse or a solution.

joanofarchitrave Fri 03-Jan-14 00:25:37

What does 'Prozac poop out' mean?

ADs are very hard for the long-term but tbh I tend to assume that anyone who is drinking a lot is self-medicating for depression. And now you are self-harming. You sound in a crisis.

Is there anything in the house you might be able to face eating? A bit of banana, some hot sweet tea?

Do you have a psychiatrist? Is there a mental health crisis team locally? Will your DH make you a GP appointment tomorrow? Ask him to see what he can sort out as I doubt you are up to doing much of this. He could get good help at Rethink.

IMO your children should leave for the moment as more incidents could happen and you all need to be safe. Your DH could ask them to go and stay with family or friends, and they should start thinking hard about living separately from you and DH.

bragmatic Fri 03-Jan-14 00:25:50

Oh yes I see you mentioned him. How does he figure in all of this? What does he have to say about a house full of grown up children? Your drinking? What are things like when you don't drink?

DrNick Fri 03-Jan-14 00:26:11

Get your kids to move out if they hate you. And stop drinking

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:33:45

My DH is in hospital tonight, having minor surgery tomorrow. He is very softhearted, very weak and has always left me to discipline the kids. He travels a lot and has never been there for the everyday things. Never seen a school play etc, bath time.....but I got used to that. My mum used to come over to stay for weeks at a time so that was a great help.
He complains about the kids all the time. But only to me. When having to face up to things I try to challenge he just caves. As I said, money isn't the object but we're not rich by any means. I'd love for us to be able to save up for retirement and holidays...but it's not working. 28 year old is saving all his income for future dream (hopefully done in 2 yrs) second son is independent doc doesn't live at home, third son works fulltime not such good pay but ok, daughter works...I don't know. I feel that this is all too much.

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:36:33

I don't have a psychiatrist. Everything time I've tried to tell a doctor how I feel, they say that I seem ok. I'm not ok!
One doc said that unless you can't get out of bed you're not really deeply depressed. I almost can't get out but I do.

whitesugar Fri 03-Jan-14 00:40:39

Confused, I feel for you. None of what happened was great behaviour but if your DS is constantly critical of you and launched a verbal attack on you I am not surprised that you pushed him away. If someone grabbed me by the throat and I fell over I would scream hysterically. I would probably also have refused to go with the police.

I obviously haven't a clue what goes on in your home but I do know that my teenagers have both been verbally abusive to me and have both hit me on one occasion. It is a very long story but social services got involved. On both occasions when they hit me I grabbed hold of them and tried to put them into their rooms. Social services saw this as me being abusive and were highly critical of my actions. At no time did they tell my DC that it was completely out of order for them to hit me.

I have no answers but all I know is that parenting older children can be extremely hard. Your son is 24 and his behaviour was unacceptable. If he hates you so much why does he not move out. All I can say is that you are not alone. Try to get your strength together and eat some food whether you feel like it or not. Wake up tomorrow and put your best face on. Make no mistake you have been through a terrible time but you need to move on and get over this as best you can. Even though it will be tough you need to talk to your son. Maybe this crisis will be a turning point for everyone. Good luck, I hope things improve.

bragmatic Fri 03-Jan-14 00:40:43

Have you spoken calmly with the children since the incident?

joanofarchitrave Fri 03-Jan-14 00:40:45

I think you need to see a doctor. I think you are right to say you are unstable. I think everything feels so terrible, so bleak and without hope, because you are depressed.

I'm still not sure what 'Prozac poop out' means.

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:41:19

Sorry..Prozac poop just stopped working

bragmatic Fri 03-Jan-14 00:42:50

I think they should all move out, btw. They're adults. I can see a case for the 20 yo staying for a little longer, but the others need to grow up.

joanofarchitrave Fri 03-Jan-14 00:43:47

x post.
Try your GP again. Write down a few key points to say, if you need to;

I have been starving myself.
I binge drink when everything looks hopeless.
My son and I were violent to each other, leading to my arrest.
I am not coping.

joanofarchitrave Fri 03-Jan-14 00:45:09

Ok. that's shit re the prozac.

There might be other treatments that will help. Although you might find that if your children move out, if you can downsize and have space and time to think about your life now and what you would like, it might help how you feel.

ashamedoverthinker Fri 03-Jan-14 00:45:38

Go and see another doctor - thats bullshit about getting out of bed. you need to be properly assessed.

Im not surprised you find it all too much you have some spoilt (IMO) kidults living in your house who dont seem to respect that it is your house and respect you.

I would ask the DS who attacked you to leave, even just for a few days to calm things dowm - space.

Do you have a and y family or inlaws that cold help you to have some sort of meeting about how you want your family to live together - lay some rules down etc.

Most important thing is to get to the GP's.

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:45:53

This is exactly the impression I got. Even though my kids are adults they treated me as a child abuser and kept on about my poor children and how they felt. They're adults. Really. And I never told the police what really happened because I would never try to get my son in trouble.
My son is 183 cm and a body builder and I'm a short fat little woman with not a lot of physical power. I don't understand.
Thank you so much for posting. It helps a lot to know I'm not alone.

whitesugar Fri 03-Jan-14 00:47:07

Please don't think of yourself as a confused mad lady. You are a person who is just trying to get through a difficult situation. Change your name to lady going through a tough time. Go back to your doctor and tell her you are depressed and want medication, end of debate. That diagnosis of depression as not being able to get out of bed is total bullshit. Starting a course of medication might help you stop self medicating on wine. I have done the same and half the country is doing it too. Please stop beating yourself up and start to be really nice to yourself.

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:48:08 family at all, they are all overseas.
I will get to the GP once I can get dressed and face the outside world, right now I feel like it's all impossible. Not suicidal, because would never do that to my family but still dreaming about it, IYKWIM

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:48:59

I feel,like crying. Just because of your replies.

Mellowandfruitful Fri 03-Jan-14 00:50:13

"One doc said that unless you can't get out of bed you're not really deeply depressed"

This is complete rubbish. The doctors who have seen you till now have let you down. I know this will be hard but you need to persist in finding someone who will acknowledge that you are depressed and in real need of help.

I am not surprised that you are depressed given that you're surrounded with weak and critical people. Can you go and stay with your mum for a bit to get some space? Your kids are adults now, they can and should be able to stand on their own two feet. You make sacrifices as a parent, yes, but that doesn't mean completely sacrificing yourself and your entire life and happiness in order to not upset them.

ConfusedMadlady Fri 03-Jan-14 00:50:23

I am now crying, and it feels so good.

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