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Advice please ! Is this moving too fast

(145 Posts)
Tia2005 Thu 02-Jan-14 19:18:15

I met this guy 2 weeks ago this sat I've met him when I was out and I've met up with him 1 other time we talk on the phone everyday , he's says he loves me and wants kids with me and to marry me , he's told me a lot about himself he says he gets injections for stress and he says the doctors said he's got mental health . I just think this is moving too fast I told him that and it upset him I need advice please

Tinkertaylor1 Sat 04-Jan-14 21:58:23

do not meet up! My ex used this line loads,

'i agree we need to split, i just want to talk it through with you and finish on good terms, one final meet up''

it was bullshit, he just used it to beg - then turn nasty

Perfectlypurple Sat 04-Jan-14 22:09:11

From a police perspective this will be taken seriously and dealt with. I would pop into your local police station or ring 101 and report it. They will tell him to stop contacting you. If he continues after that they will take it further.

Or, if you don't want to go straight to the police do what the others have said and give him one chance to stop contact. A text saying I do not want any more contact from you, if you continue I will be reporting you to the police then if he continues and you do report it he can't say he didn't know you didn't want contact.

Good luck.

cees Sat 04-Jan-14 22:36:57

You have a little girl to protect, he sounds very unstable, keep your resolve.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Sat 04-Jan-14 23:35:37

Tia, please do not be manipulated by how upset he will be. That is a caculating, manipulative, control tactic. He can choose his own degree of upset (or even lack there of)...you can not control that.

Calling you a mean bitch is a strategy to tighten the leash and make you heel...and it works on some people because they might do Anything rather than have someone think they are a mean bitch.

But at the end of he day, they are just words. Like in a script. Someone is trying to be the director of your actions (no, you do not need to meet him face to face). You Do Not have to participate in this dynamic. Your gut instinct is right, and championship ribbon to you for honoring it. That is the what part done.

The how part seems to be new territory for you and that is where MN shines so brightly: the previous posters are wrighting a policy/boundary manual for you that is based on prior experience on what does work, as well as what does not work. I hope you understand that having correct boundaries is the healthy form of selfishness that will protect you (and your dd) from abusive relationships. For some, it is black or white: Bitch or Door Mat? Go Bitch, every time. Good luck and sorry you are going through this.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Sun 05-Jan-14 00:08:31

And to clarify, by bitch, I do not mean uncivil, vulgar, abusive behavior. I mean standing your ground and honoring your own boundaries (that you found necessary to create). The "bitch" part is refusing to bending to manipulation to put the other one first at your own expense, and it is not actually being a bitch, but the one not getting his way will use the label to attempt to influence your choices. Perhaps it is also known as having a backbone. What he thinks about it is irrelevant.

I don't mean to spark a debate with this, and sorry for not being able to describe what I mean very clearly or briefly. blush

Tia2005 Mon 06-Jan-14 14:35:18

I saw him in town and he said he's got schizophrenia I told him it was over and things were moving to fast to soon he says we can take things slow should I give him another change ?

Offred Mon 06-Jan-14 14:37:08

Are you kidding? No, of course not! Run like the wind.

SeptemberFlowers Mon 06-Jan-14 14:37:25

Tia : No. I wouldn't go near him.

TalkativeJim Mon 06-Jan-14 14:37:42

Er, no.

Perfectlypurple Mon 06-Jan-14 14:39:40

No way. Huge red flags.

Tinkertaylor1 Mon 06-Jan-14 14:40:35

tia read my post a few up ^

Run for the hills, this man is not mentally stable. You need to look at your self why you are contemplating this relationship when you have an instinct it's not right for you.

Get out now while you can

pictish Mon 06-Jan-14 14:41:35

Um...how can I put this?
NO!

Lazyjaney Mon 06-Jan-14 14:59:16

No. There are just too many red flags, as everyone says.

TalkativeJim Mon 06-Jan-14 15:03:18

He will tell you ANYTHING he thinks will get him back in your life.

He isn't stable.

By letting him in, you'll not only gain a frankly unsavoury character as your boyfriend, but possibly put your safety at risk.

Why would you want him back? Does the thought of spending your free time actually WITH this guy make you think 'Wow! Great!'

Isn't it much nicer, safer, simpler and MORE ENJOYABLE an option to find someone who is actually pleasant and non-creepy?

Wuxiapian Mon 06-Jan-14 15:04:34

Yes.

Way. Too. Fast.

MadIsTheNewNormal Mon 06-Jan-14 15:11:58

The responses on this thread are awful considering the fact that the man described apparently suffers from a mental illness

I disagree. The OP is the one asking for advice here, not the person suffering from poor MH.

She does not have to make any allowances for him at all - she's known him five minutes and his met him a handful of times. He's behaving irrationally, intensely and has become over-invested emotionally in a scarily quick timeframe, and it's weirding her out.

Therefore, the perfectly appropriate advice is for her to keep away from him. Whatever problems he may have are not her problem.

SandyDilbert Mon 06-Jan-14 15:32:27

the responses here are nothing to do with any mental illness - but they are to do with his disturbing, frightening and quite frankly stalkerish behaviour.

Op why on earth did you even speak to him? Please have nothing further to do with him - it will only end in tears, yours...

Offred Mon 06-Jan-14 17:07:18

Please speak to the police on 101. It's so unlikely that this was a chance meeting. He is your stalker not your boyfriend.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Mon 06-Jan-14 17:37:33

Why are you even considering it? Be honest with yourself as it seems like you are desperate for a relationship and will take anyone.

Logg1e Mon 06-Jan-14 18:11:54

I was wondering if you're just in the mindset of pleasing others before yourself OP? Are you thinking that it be nicer for him and easier to give him a chance? This really, really isn't the criteria you should use for a relationship, especially just before it starts.

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