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Advice please ! Is this moving too fast

(145 Posts)
Tia2005 Thu 02-Jan-14 19:18:15

I met this guy 2 weeks ago this sat I've met him when I was out and I've met up with him 1 other time we talk on the phone everyday , he's says he loves me and wants kids with me and to marry me , he's told me a lot about himself he says he gets injections for stress and he says the doctors said he's got mental health . I just think this is moving too fast I told him that and it upset him I need advice please

Tia2005 Thu 02-Jan-14 19:56:32

I ain't got his mums number or address I deleted it or I would of done that do u think its best to tell him face to face

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 19:56:45

She's walking away, not because he allegedly has MH issues but because he is unstable and potentially dangerous.

Casmama Thu 02-Jan-14 19:59:04

You have deleted the details of the only method you have to contact him!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 19:59:06

You cannot afford to be face to face with a man like this when you end it. Emotionally unstable = dangerous. Polite text then drop.

TurnipCake Thu 02-Jan-14 19:59:49

I wouldn't tell him face to face-to-be honest, no. Yes, there's human decency yadda yadda, but with some cold hard context: you've met the guy twice, known him for a fortnight and your personal safety comes above everything else.

doasyouwouldbedoneby Thu 02-Jan-14 19:59:55

No don't do it face to face. text or phone. you don't need to give a reason-simply say this relationship is not working for me. Then block delete ignore.
I hope he doesn't know where you live or stay--or even work. he sounds obsessive and you don't want him turning up.

Casmama Thu 02-Jan-14 20:01:56

Sorry think I misunderstood the mums contact details part.
Yes end it by phone - after two dates you don't owe any more than that and it is probably safer.

Tia2005 Thu 02-Jan-14 20:03:53

I've just deleted his mums details not his he don't no where I live or work I'm scared to tell him I no I have to tho

Casmama Thu 02-Jan-14 20:06:25

Do it now and get it out the way, you'll feel better once its done.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 20:07:49

End it simply, don't reply to any responses and you might be lucky and get him out of your life quickly. Say nothing and where most would take the hint, this one will probably keep trying.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Thu 02-Jan-14 20:10:27

You are scared to tell the man you have seen twice it is over?

What are you going to do then?

SweetSeraphim Thu 02-Jan-14 20:10:31

Do it now, OP. It's hanging over you like a motherfucker.

JeanSeberg Thu 02-Jan-14 20:10:37

So he's threatened suicide with the 'if anything happens to him' scenario?

JaceyBee Thu 02-Jan-14 20:14:09

There is no such thing as 'injections for stress' unless he's talking about a depo which is used for people with schizophrenia/delusional disorders or an ad hoc shot of benzos.

I would definitely end it by text asap, not because of his mh issues but because he clearly makes you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason and you need to listen to your gut.

Tia2005 Thu 02-Jan-14 20:16:43

I no I'm just gonna have to tell him I just feel like a bitch

SweetSeraphim Thu 02-Jan-14 20:16:55

Exactly what Jacey said. I would be saying the same if MH issues hadn't even been mentioned. OP doesn't like the way it's going and wants to stop. That's it.

JaceyBee Thu 02-Jan-14 20:30:11

You are not a bitch, and I'm afraid you are just going to have to sit with that feeling until it passes! Which it will, very soon.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 20:34:04

Why do you feel like a bitch? Is it because he's guilt-tripped you with the alleged MH issues?

Casmama Thu 02-Jan-14 20:36:43

You are not responsible for his feelings, you have only met him twice.

Try and think how much responsibility you would normally feel after 2 dates. That is the appropriate amount.

This talk of suicide is either extremely manipulative or indicative of severe instability- either way you are much better out of it.

Leverette Thu 02-Jan-14 20:38:17

It would be useful for you to think about why you seem to be feeling bad about listening to your gut instinct warning you about an abnormal/risky situation and that you are feeling bad about putting your comfort and peace of mind before his.

Please keep yourself safe.

Tia2005 Thu 02-Jan-14 20:52:45

Well I've just text him sayin this is moving too fast for me and it's not you it's me does that sound ok

Tia2005 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:03:15

I no this is bad but I'm gonna post his reply

Tia2005 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:05:37

yeah, i kind of agree.
today didnt feel like the days before, its almost like we burnt our selfs out.
your not hurting me, ive been thinking alot about it too.
ive been saying alot of things without really thinking about it and am kind of losing my self.
i thought i was ready but maybe am not if your talking like that.
i think we need to talk, it doent have to be bad but i think we have to talk.

TurnipCake Thu 02-Jan-14 21:08:24

Hmm, sounds like after the whirlwind he would have dropped you like a stone, at least you weren't sucked in by it.

No talking necessary, you've both said what you want to say, there's no 'have to' about it.

Casmama Thu 02-Jan-14 21:08:38

I don't think that text makes it clear that you don't want to continue. He will probably come back saying that he can slow things own, doesn't want to lose you etc.

I think you need to be really clear- "I'm sorry but I don't see any future in this relationship and I don't want to waste your time when you could be out meeting someone who could make you happy. I wish you the best of luck for the future and think it best if we don't contact each other again. Tia"

Something like tht?

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