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Zero sex drive - how do I get it back?

(21 Posts)

Dh and I used to have a great sex drive, but almost as soon as I conceived dd (2.6) my sex drive disappeared completely. I think we've had sex about 6/7 times since her birth.

Dh and I had a long talk last night, he is really unhappy with the situation, and quite hurt that I no longer find him attractive. I love him, but he's right, I don't fancy him. I don't fancy anyone.blush

I need to sort this out, but how? Dh is 28, and I am 11 years older. He used to struggle to keep up, and now we haven't had sex for 4 months. sad Any suggestions gratefully received.

TheCrumpetQueen Thu 02-Jan-14 09:39:22

Have you seen your Gp? You could have your hormones tested

I haven't - would my gp really be able to do anything, even if my hormones were the cause?

TheCrumpetQueen Thu 02-Jan-14 11:34:59

I was prescribed testosterone patches after being on the depo injection for years which killed my sex drive - by wiping out my testosterone.

My friend got a course of hrt due to hormone imbalance but paid for this privately

I'll make an appointment then, thank you. smile

TotallyAddictedToLurking Thu 02-Jan-14 11:57:19

I am exactly the same. I am on anti-phsyc medication, only a low dose but it has killed my sex drive and I don't feel like a fancy DP anymore sad

I have no idea what to do about it.

greenhill Thu 02-Jan-14 12:13:05

Are you anaemic? Low iron levels and continuous tiredness can contribute to zero libido.

PrincessFlirtyPants Thu 02-Jan-14 12:14:53

Are you on the pill? My sex drive dismissed on the pill and bounced back as soon as I came off it.

manspointofview Thu 02-Jan-14 13:45:04

My wife and I love each other very much (both 40 ish) and I still fancy her a lot, I can only hope she still fancies me also but yes our sex life went bad for sometime due to her not being interested or thinking about it at all where I got to a point where that's about all I thought about. I got pissed off, she got pissed off as I was bothering her and she had no interest. I suggested she visit the doctors which she said "what will they do, nothing". Well after a few years of this she finally went to the doc's and yes she had low Iron and low thyroid, two months in on the pills and we are slowly getting back to are old selves. So get to the doctors and see what they can do.

Not anaemic afaik, have plenty of energy in the daytime, but am usually done in by 9.30pm.

Not on the pill, haven't been since ttc with dd. We use condoms so its not contraception related.

I'm not on any medication, except for asthma, and I've always taken that.

Within 3 months of conception I just completely lost interest. sad

gottachangethename1 Thu 02-Jan-14 18:36:54

Am in the same boat OP. have come off the pill (improved things very slightly) but realised I am probably trying to cram too much into my life. Work ft, look after elderly parent, do most of the housework, child care as dh has an awful job that pays little but demands a silly amount of hours.
I have tried to slow down a bit, read a bit of mild erotic literature and seem a bit more up for it now.
As things have been, I don't think my marriage would last much longer if things don't improve. Good luck.

CuntyBunty Thu 02-Jan-14 18:42:25

You need to "fancy yourself" again first. Can you buy a good vibrator for your clit? I'd recommend Anne Summers Ultimate O, lots of people on here swear by the Lelo ones. Sorry to be graphic, but the cock-shaped ones are crap. Have a look at Love Honey on line. Try giving yourself a few orgasms by yourself first and the see if you feel like sex; worked for me. Good luck.

BTW, search the vibrator recommendation threads on here.

Tried that Bunty - I invariably get bored, and give it up as A bad job. It's hard to explain, but I have no sexual desire at all anymore. sad

CuntyBunty Thu 02-Jan-14 21:12:57

Are you getting an "end result", so to speak?

lemmingcurd Thu 02-Jan-14 22:36:46

take up exercise. My libido was completely dead for 2.5 years after Dd2 and since starting martial arts it's gone through the roof. must be all the kicking

Mumtoh Thu 02-Jan-14 23:23:23

take up exercise. My libido was completely dead for 2.5 years after Dd2 and since starting martial arts it's gone through the roof. must be all the kicking

This might help. I don't have a partner currently but after my body balance class I really wish I did, makes me v horny (body balance - mixture of yoga, Pilates & tai chi)

Must be all the stretching....

Bunty - no end result, I get bored trying to be honest.

Will definitely try more exercise - not sure about the kickboxing, but Yoga and Pilates are definitely do-able! smile

BalloonSlayer Fri 03-Jan-14 18:31:20

try a zinc supplement.

warning - I tried one and ended up pregnant again

CuntyBunty Fri 03-Jan-14 18:43:55

God, I sound like a pervert, but have you orgasmed before all this started? You need to hone your techniques, perhaps?

No problems whatsoever previously - I used to be <ahem> very easily pleased iyswim! blush

Maybe I'll give the zinc a try - hopefully without the pregnancy part! grin

CuntyBunty Sat 04-Jan-14 07:32:06

Good Luck.

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