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Girlfriend careless with mini pill

(345 Posts)
concern3d Wed 01-Jan-14 16:21:48

I would greatly appreciate some input into my situation so I can try and work out whether or not I'm over thinking things.

My girlfriend is taking Cerelle. I have done a lot of reading about this and understand that it should be taken at the same time every day in order to be ~99% effective at preventing pregnancy.

However, my girlfriend is adamant that the '12 hour window' means she can take it any time within a 12 hour period. She has chosen 7am to 7pm. She therefore takes it whenever she remembers between these hours.

I have explained to her my understanding of how it should be used, but she is insistent that she has been using it for a long time and has been assured by a doctor that her use of the mini pill is fine.

We have had a number of conversations about this, which always end in hard feelings. What should be a discussion turns into an argument.

We have only been using the mini-pill for contraception as I trusted she was using it correctly. However, over the past few weeks as I have got to know more about her attitude towards and practice of contraception, I am concerned that we should be using a second method.

I feel as though I have no control over the situation and am placing all my trust in her. I am nowhere near in a position to have a child at the moment - either financially, or in terms of maturity. Additionally, we have not been dating for long. I would appreciate your opinions on the situation.

Mignonette Fri 03-Jan-14 22:14:42

Bloody Hell - dog with a bone much?

Lazyjaney Fri 03-Jan-14 22:04:48

"The idea that you get to strop and accuse your partner of not "trusting" you because of their preferred method of preventing conception is so appalling to me. I can't believe anyone would pull that kind of crap with someone they were meant to love and were not trying to control"

Or they were not as interested in preventing pregnancy as they professed to be.

Always a good plan to watch what people do, not say.

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 03-Jan-14 21:58:29

I can only see one point at which he made himself look bad and that was when he flounced, due to getting some "unhelpful" answers.

Trying to make him out as controlling when all he seemed to want to do was ask about contraception just seems off as it has been twisted to suit your own opinion.

Pan Fri 03-Jan-14 21:45:59

Possibly Dinnaegrin. A few of us suggested differing possibilities.
Offred, there's been lots of relevant points made by lots of posters here. You just don't appear to wish to see them as they don't fit into your 'ideology' so you bang on ad nauseum about a 'lack of responsibility', which has already been examined .

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Fri 03-Jan-14 21:39:17

I know it's going back through the thread a bit but there was some posters that said the GF would think it odd if the BF started using condoms after going bareback and all the issues that may ensue from that (perceived lack of trust etc,)
Am I looking at this too simply but could the BF in this case say he wanted to try some of the more, erm, shall we say 'exotic' types of knobby, ribbed, shaped like a guinea pig etc. types of condom available to the market, in order to get using them and start a new habit that way or would that be perceived as being dishonest. He could later say that he enjoyed the extra protection and this added to the whole experience blah blah to address why he wishes to keep using them. It might cover all bases (for want of a better term!) OR would the GF be upset to think her fanjo not exciting enough and it cause further problems?

Offred Fri 03-Jan-14 21:33:26

Still waiting for one of you to come up with a relevant point related to what the op actually said.... Must be a reason why you've not done that but have invested so much time and effort in insulting people.

Offred Fri 03-Jan-14 21:31:05

Nice.

Pan Fri 03-Jan-14 21:20:19

Why are you so desperate to make the OP out to be bad?

This will be because she is in dreary radfem 'goon' mode, where all you have is a hammer so everything must look like a nail. Prob. the best explanation.

Offred Fri 03-Jan-14 21:14:46

I think he's made himself out to be bad. Not sure why some people are so keen to absolve him of his responsibility.

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 03-Jan-14 21:08:59

Offred

Why are you so desperate to make the OP out to be bad?

Offred Fri 03-Jan-14 19:26:09

It isn't. If she is concerned or minded to do that. It is out of order for the op to tell her she must take it at the same time of the day because of his concerns, him having treated contraception as an afterthought (but like I said originally if not pg no harm done) despite her not sharing them.

I wouldn't use the mini pill because of the user error, I wouldn't feel comfortable taking it within the 12 hour period like she does but I'm not sure she is being careless either and I think it is her body, her medication and her relationship and up to her how she deals with contraception.

If she hadn't thought about it at all that would be a different matter, but she clearly has and further to that has sought advice to inform her decision which she is personally happy with in the context of her life.

The only person who can accurately be described as careless in that relationship is the op really...

ALittleStranger Fri 03-Jan-14 19:14:27

Have I missed why it's so out of the question for the OP's girlfriend to try and take the pill at a similar time each day? I manage it and I can barely remember to wash my own socks.

shey02 Fri 03-Jan-14 18:48:54

I guess it's nice in a way to hear that a guy is concerned for a change rather than just blindly trusting us women, BUT yes, sorry protect yourself is the answer here.......

Chacha23 Fri 03-Jan-14 14:35:57

---
there should NEVER be any complaint or emotional blackmail if either decides they would prefer to resume using something that protects them on an individual basis.
---

No, there shouldn't. But there are. So the OP should be prepared for it - I hope he's readying his "I'm taking control of my fertility because it's the right thing to do" speech as we write!

curlew Fri 03-Jan-14 14:28:13

Matilda, it's obvious from this thread that the very idea is somehow offensive or ridiculous to many people. The very suggestion is enough to bring accusations of man hating and aggression.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 03-Jan-14 14:27:15

"I don't believe it is necessarily obvious to everyone that they are individually in control of their own fertility."

I agree with me that it is obvious but I also agree with you that it is not obvious grin

I think it SHOULD be obvious, because it is self-evident.

But there are a lot of cultural factors at play that seem to obscure the obvious for many of us.

And one of them appears to be atrocious sex education that is giving terrible messages to you young people that serve neither boys nor girls, but seem particularly risky for young girls.

MatildaWhispers Fri 03-Jan-14 14:16:15

I agree Joinyourplayfellows. But you make this sound ridiculously obvious, and I don't believe it is necessarily obvious to everyone that they are individually in control of their own fertility. Unfortunately.

curlew Fri 03-Jan-14 13:51:38

Well, said, JoinYourplayfellows!

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 03-Jan-14 13:27:53

"The context was (unrealistically! ) that you wouldn't be having sex unless you trusted your partner and were adult enough to talk about contraception."

Quite apart from that context being ridiculously unrealistic (they didn't even try to pretend that in the convent school I went to), it's also bullshit.

Even if you do trust your partner and are adult enough to talk about contraception, it is STILL not a JOINT decision.

Controlling your fertility is an INDIVIDUAL decision.

At all times, always.

There might be times when a couple (in a committed relationship where trust has been established) decides that their interests are aligned and that it makes sense to figure out contraception between them.

But it is still up to each of them individually to agree to this and there should NEVER be any complaint or emotional blackmail if either decides they would prefer to resume using something that protects them on an individual basis.

The idea that you get to strop and accuse your partner of not "trusting" you because of their preferred method of preventing conception is so appalling to me. I can't believe anyone would pull that kind of crap with someone they were meant to love and were not trying to control.

Teaching teenagers, who are years (if not decades) off the kind of relationship where it makes sense to trust someone else with this kind of thing, it is totally insane to be teaching them to take JOINT responsibility for contraception.

Girls need to understand what THEIR OWN interests are and how they go about protecting them. Not yet another lesson about compromising themselves to keep some bloke happy.

And boys need to understand that the last time they get any say in what happens to their sperm is the moment they spurt them into a girl while not wearing a condom.

Pan Fri 03-Jan-14 12:42:10

I went to a Jesuit boys grammar school in the 70s. In the 3rd year we were given a book about how fish 'do it'.
It was very informative, and I now know more than I ever need to know. About fish.

MatildaWhispers Fri 03-Jan-14 11:39:12

I was a teenager in the 90s, at a mixed sex school. I don't believe I misunderstood. Of course it wasn't a case of the teacher telling young girls that their contraception decisions were a joint decision with 'whatever bloke is trying to shag them that week'. The context was (unrealistically! ) that you wouldn't be having sex unless you trusted your partner and were adult enough to talk about contraception.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Fri 03-Jan-14 10:35:03

I think that was misunderstood too - but perhaps it depended on the school/teacher?

At my school it was all "contraception is the responsibility of both partners" - a different thing from "joint" imo.

I was a teenager in the 80's and the emphasis on "both" was, I think, an antidote to the prevailing view that contraception was the woman's responsibility as she was the one who got pregnant. It was about getting men to take responsibility too.

I was a teen just as the AIDS thing started too - so the emphasis was very much on the men using condoms to protect themselves and their partner, and the women not being afraid to ask a man to use a condom.

Seems that this message has been lost more recently? I mean, here we have the OP, a young man, who embarked on a new sexual relationship without feeling the need to use a condom to protect himself/his gf. Pregnancy is the thing he's worrying about - no regard for STD's.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 03-Jan-14 10:05:49

And surely you misunderstood. Surely no teacher on earth would stand in front of a classroom of teenagers and tell YOUNG GIRLS that their decisions about contraception are a fucking JOINT DECISION with whatever bloke is trying to shag them that week?

FFS.

Sometimes I am thankful that I went to an all-girls Catholic school where we were taught to look after our own bodies and not consult some horny young eejit about what contraceptive he would prefer we choose for his benefit.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 03-Jan-14 10:02:12

When I was at school and we learnt about contraception, I recall the focus being on the importance of talking together about contraception, that it was a joint decision, that it was a joint responsibility.

What a fucking stupid and irresponsible thing to be teaching young people. angry

How the fuck can two TEENAGERS have "joint responsibility" for ANYTHING?

Young people need to be taught to look after THEMSELVES, and their OWN INTERESTS, and not taking on responsibility for some boyfriend or girlfriend they probably won't be speaking to next month.

FFS.

Fennec Fri 03-Jan-14 01:33:25

There's no fail safe. Every time you have sex you are risking getting someone pregnant, regardless of the contraception statistics and obviously it's also possible if the woman has been sterilised, albeit rarely.

Even condoms have a failure rate.

Take all precautions then grin and 'bare' it. What else can you do?

Oh yes. Not have sex smile

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