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Male seeking advice

(109 Posts)
Edward455 Tue 31-Dec-13 10:56:24

Hello all. I've no idea if I'm an outlier here, but I am looking for advice from women and I hope someone can help.

I'm currently in a relationship with a woman. We've been together a while, and I love her very much. She tells me she loves me.

She has an ex-boyfriend, much wealthier than I am. She tells me their relationship is platonic. Although they split up at least two years ago, he continues to buy her jewellery for occasions such as her birthday, and I happen to know she prefers the jewellery he buys her to the jewellery I buy her. And she often wears it for long periods, as well as items that he bought he bought her when they were together. In addition he takes her out to high-end restaurants as a matter of routine when they go out.

On one recent occasion when she went out with him, I saw her later that night. I remarked on the freshness of her make-up and perfume (which is unusual for her so late in the day). She joked that she had been 'dolled up' to meet 'someone'. She later told me it was another friend. Having checked her phone I know that she lied about that (but I recognise this may be because she is nervous about telling me when she sees this ex- and genuinely doesn't want me to think there's anything untoward going on; in fact, I happen to know that she regularly lies about when she sees him).

Believe it or not, I have no reason to think that she is sleeping with him.

What if anything should I read into the above?

Offred Fri 03-Jan-14 19:13:25

Unless you plan on sucking it up and letting her dictate your boundaries or forcing her to accept yours, which given she has demonstrated dishonesty she will likely only pay lip service to or you'll drive yourself insane checking, I can't see in what way you're going to move forward.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 03-Jan-14 19:14:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred Fri 03-Jan-14 19:28:17

Sorry, I'm feeling particularly abrasive over the Christmas period this year. confused

ProphetOfDoom Fri 03-Jan-14 20:11:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred Fri 03-Jan-14 20:12:49

Ha ha!

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Fri 03-Jan-14 22:15:18

What Lazyjaney said up thread. Don't listen to what she says, listen to what she does. Actions speak far louder than words ever can. When she speaks, she just dismisses you. You sound too nice for her and should find someone that appreciates you. I was going to put 'more' at the end of that sentence but 'at all' would be a start!

GhettoPrincess001 Sat 04-Jan-14 08:12:36

Edward, are you taking the piss now ?

You've had your answer, you've confronted her and you seem to want to get right back to square one.

Cerisier Sat 04-Jan-14 08:49:11

Interesting post from prh, who has been there before.

You are being very respectful of your GF but respect is a two-way street and you aren't getting any respect back that I can see. How is this relationship going to move forward if the ex remains in the picture?

Is she still going to see the ex and accept gifts from him?

Jaffacakesallround Sat 04-Jan-14 09:25:21

Oh Edward

This woman made it plain that she wanted to end it when you confronted her. She didn't hesitate. Look at what you wrote.

But you clawed your way back, begging more or less, for some sort of a relationship with her.

She's done the classic 'oh I wouldn't be jealous if the boot was on the other foot'- which is a rubbish way of defending her behaviour.

What's happened is that you have said how you feel, then back pedalled when she's fed you a line or two.

she's now happy to carry on seeing both of you- god knows why. what does she get out of it with you- great sex? Good company?

sorry to sound harsh but you sound weak and it's clear she's using you. wake up.

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