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Not met friends/family, 1 year in...

(272 Posts)
MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 01:39:21

I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Jan 1st, and I've not yet met any of his friends or family. Does anyone else think this is weird or am I overreacting?

horsetowater Mon 30-Dec-13 01:41:30

Family - not weird, some people don't get on with their family or embarrassed about them but Friends, yes that's weird unless of course he hasn't got any.

If he is not in contact with his family you ought to know why by now.

MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 01:42:34

He's very close with his family. He recently moved back home (he's 32) to save money to get his own place. I've been over to the house twice whilst they've been on holiday.

PleaseLetsGoToSleep Mon 30-Dec-13 01:46:52

Sorry, but that screams of him deliberately trying to keep you away from his family. Only my own opinion, but is he serious about the relationship? Does he see you as a 'keeper'?

MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 01:49:30

I'm inclined to agree with you PleaseLetsGoToSleep. He's always talking about us moving in together but, I'm not sure how he sees me though, really.

JeanSeberg Mon 30-Dec-13 01:53:58

Yes it should be ringing alarm bells sorry.

PleaseLetsGoToSleep Mon 30-Dec-13 01:54:08

How often do you see him? And where? I assume he always comes to your house?

MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 02:04:57

I see him 3/4 days a week, I used to go over to the flat where he lived before he moved in with his parents (in November).
He now always comes over to my house. (Except a brief stint before Christmas due to his parents being on holiday... again! Lucky buggers!)

JollySantersSelectionBox Mon 30-Dec-13 02:16:09

Is he embarrassed by them?

I had a boyfriend who never seemed to want me to meet his mum. I picked him up one night and got a rude awakening at the door when she answered. She really didn't want him dating a white girl, and she really didn't pull any punches in letting me know. shock

All became clear after that, but we split up a few months later.

Phatal42 Mon 30-Dec-13 02:18:45

Surely you would ask him why not?

Sorry but this is a massive red flag. Are you sure he hasn't got a family already that he is trying to hide from you? Sorry to be so blunt but it sounds a bit dodgy

MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 02:20:02

Oh goodness JollySantersSelectionBox I hope his parents aren't like that.

I think he thinks they're quite stuffy. My parents are younger and act like a pair of teenagers really! They're generally cool with stuff.
I'm wondering if perhaps because his are older and more "parenty" he's just a bit embarrassed. He did mention once that he gets uncomfortable around them, like he can't relax.
But I'm not sure why this would prevent a brief meeting, a coffee or something? I don't know. sad

His friends and parents know I exist, I'm just perplexed as to why I've never met anyone.

RockinAroundTheXmasTreeHippy Mon 30-Dec-13 02:20:35

Are you sure he's not married ??

MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 02:20:53

ohfourfoxache nooo he doesn't! grin He's very much an unattached man. We have mutual friends and I know a lot of his history.

MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 02:22:24

If he was married, he wouldn't live in a flat with his just best mate would he? confused
Unless he lived there 3/4 out of 7 days of the week then went home to his other family! Oh God maybe he's told them he works away!

horsetowater Mon 30-Dec-13 02:32:44

I think maybe you need to do some snooping MissBurrows.

Or just some plain old inviting yourself round.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Mon 30-Dec-13 02:33:12

As long as you're sure he's told them about you, I'd be inclined to think he's embarrassed by them in some way. You need to confront him. You don't need to be stressing about your relationship. Good luck OP.

JollySantersSelectionBox Mon 30-Dec-13 02:35:18

Drop some stuff over at his one night, that he's "left" at yours.

MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 02:36:55

Thanks everyone.
I know they know about me... I'd just really love to meet them, they sound like really interesting people!

It's frustrating. Every time I bring it up he just says "I'll sort something out", but never does.

PleaseLetsGoToSleep Mon 30-Dec-13 02:40:35

Yes, just insist on going to his place and see how it goes down. Maybe force the meeting.

horsetowater Mon 30-Dec-13 02:44:16

It may be that they have high expectations of him and he is overly eager to please and is worried about their response to you.

Or it may be that he's a complete fraud with a double life and another wife?

zippey Mon 30-Dec-13 02:47:41

That would send alarm bells to me as well. Are you sure he doesn't have another partner? Does his family actually know about you? Have you tales to him about meeting his family? Has he me your family and friends?

MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 02:48:05

The double life theory seems quite impossible. His wife surely wouldn't allow him to sit on Facebook every night chatting to me. Or let him sleep away 3/4 nights a week. smile

He's either ashamed of them, or me. sad

kickassangel Mon 30-Dec-13 02:51:58

But what about friends? Have you never been out with a group for the evening?

MissBurrows Mon 30-Dec-13 02:55:32

No. I've met his housemate (he was a friend of mine previously) and one or two we've bumped into in the street. No actual orchestrated meetings.

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