Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Sort of date tomorrow

(122 Posts)
bedhead2008 Fri 27-Dec-13 00:25:23

Posted a few weeks ago about a one night stand and how to pursue things.

Well, it's a long story but I accidentally contacted him and we have been texting. I feel like I am doing all the 'running' but he is replying lots and agreed to meet for a drink tomorrow night.

It's kind of an unofficial date I suppose, I didn't call it a date and just asked if he was out in the town tomorrow which he was so I suggested meeting. This kind of turned into 'sex chat' so I need to be careful that this doesn't lead into NSA sex.

I have never really been on a date before and I am so nervous! I don't know what to talk to him about! He is rather quiet, I don't want to talk about work but that's all I know that we have in common. I don't want to do the whole "so what are your hobbies" chat, it feels unnatural.

I don't know, I'm over thinking it I'm sure but what the hell do I talk to him about?! I really like him and want to be flirty but fun etc and seem appealing! Help!

Roshbegosh Fri 27-Dec-13 00:35:23

If you are doing the running and he agrees to meet and it turns into sex chat ... Hello... Yes of course it will be another shag with no strings. What did you expect?

AnuvvaMuvva Fri 27-Dec-13 00:39:22

This isn't what you want to hear but don't worry about this! It's not worth worrying about. It's not a proper date, and he's not interested if you're only in touch because you accidentally contacted him.

Isn't it already NSA sex? If you shagged him a few weeks ago and he hasn't bothered to see you since..? Plus his sexting is a pretty obvious clue that he only wants another shag.

So - please don't worry about trying to seem appealing to this guy. He doesn't want to talk to you, unless it's about what positions you'll try out, or what pants you're wearing.

I'd honestly say you should forget about this and spend the night thinking of ways you can bring new men into your world - men who'd like you enough to contact you after they shagged you.

MasterP0 Fri 27-Dec-13 00:42:32

How do you "accidentally" contact someone?

You probably feel like you are doing all the running because YOU ARE.

OP KEEP IT REAL........you had a one night stand, you want more, you've "accidentally" contacted him, you've initiated a date, you've ended up sexting, so it's not exactly going to plan?

What are you hoping to achieve after the date?

bedhead2008 Fri 27-Dec-13 00:44:05

I turned it into sex chat... Stupidly!! I had had a few to drink. So I am trying to pull it back. Initially I just asked if he wanted to go for a drink which he said yes to.

He has been texting a lot and very friendly, I feel like I'm a good judge of character and he's a 'good guy'. He just doesn't as any questions. Which is why I feel like I'm doing all the running. He's very chatty/lovely in his messages, just rarely a question. However because I don't really know him, I'm not sure if this is normal for him, iyswim.

Roshbegosh Fri 27-Dec-13 00:45:19

In the first line of your post you use the word "pursue" Well don't pursue this unless you want another meaningless shag. Write it off and move on or if it makes you feel good about yourself have the shag. I agree with the poster above, your conversation is not important here.

bedhead2008 Fri 27-Dec-13 00:45:36

It was on facebook, don't want to out myself and give too much detail but it genuinely was an accident (I was showing my friend our messages, clicked a button and it sent an emoticon).

beaglesaresweet Fri 27-Dec-13 00:46:06

hi, OP, I remember your thread. Have your mates stopped giving him dirty looks?
hmm, he's quiet and not a talker, but easily turned things into a sex chat! be careful! It really isn't just your role to be fun and to entertain him! let him come up with things to talk about too. Start chatting about work and then he can steer the talk elsewhere - that will tell you also if he's jus after sex or not. If he wants more, he WILL ask you questions about yourself so that will get things flowing. If it goes staright into sex chat, then don't be pulled in if you want more - be flirty but show him that you aer not just after sex by going along, he may think you want NSA otherwise!

beaglesaresweet Fri 27-Dec-13 00:47:52

missed some post before I posted. If you turned it into sex chat, then just WAIT for hi to ask questions. Sort of hang in there when you ar face to face - if he's nice he will feel like he needs to contribute too.

beaglesaresweet Fri 27-Dec-13 00:48:00

posts

bedhead2008 Fri 27-Dec-13 00:48:37

Thank you beaglesaresweet , I guess that's what I wanted from this thread. An idea about how to figure out tomorrow in person what his intentions are. I feel like it is hard to judge through texts.

He made an effort in work to talk to me/make it less awkward and I just made it more awkward but being very short. It was after that that I clicked a button and sent him something. He replied immediately and we have been chatting every day since.

MasterP0 Fri 27-Dec-13 00:48:49

Bed this is all going to end in tears, walk away, it's called a ONE night stand for a reason!! If he wanted you, he'd be running after you, save yourself a lot of heartache and pain.

Roshbegosh Fri 27-Dec-13 00:49:11

Well how nice that he is lovely and you are a good judge of people. Neither here nor there though is it? I am sure he is equally nice to all his fuck buddies.

AnuvvaMuvva Fri 27-Dec-13 00:49:28

You can't "pull this back". You've shagged him, chased him, and sexted him, all before you've had even one date with him.

bringoutthepringles Fri 27-Dec-13 00:57:16

I will most likely get blasted for saying this but in my opinion, relationships are more likely to work out if the man is doing most of the running (or at least thinks he is!). Sorry but you are coming across as a bit desperate. If you do meet with him, my advice is dress classy, don't drink too much and keep it light. And don't go to bed with him. If he doesn't ask to see you again, walk away. Don't let any man treat you like something to be used then tossed aside. Protect your heart until you find someone truly worthy of it.

erilou38 Fri 27-Dec-13 01:00:09

I agree with the above poster. You have alrea

MasterP0 Fri 27-Dec-13 01:01:23

Bed why don't you just lay your cards out on the table, ask him if he's interested in anything more than just FWB, because you are looking for a boyfriend bla bla bla?? Speak honestly and openly and that way you know EXACTLY where you stand, no mind games, no BS! Doesn't necessarily mean he's going to answer truthfully and honestly!

bedhead2008 Fri 27-Dec-13 01:04:32

MasterP0 - good plan. And I will dress classy/won't sleep with him. By this time tomorrow I should have my answer, at which point I can walk away or not. I don't want to assume he's not interested yet as his texts have been very friendly. But I know what everyone is saying and I agree chances are he isn't interested. Id rather he tells me that tomorrow that wonder 'what if'.

beaglesaresweet Fri 27-Dec-13 01:05:14

I think, it's up for OP to try if she feels he's a good one with potential. He doesn't sound callous or manipulative to me, I've read the original thread.
There are sometimes messy starts that lead somewhere, and after just one shag it's possible to turn it around by dating - if he responds of course! But he doesn't really know what you are after, and if you like him it's so easy to be sucked in, if he does sugggest another shag. You have to manage to resist and stay strong if you want more - one more 'just shag' with no dating or real interest from him, and it will be much harder to turn around.
But it really is too early to write him off IMO, you were both drunk when it all happened fiorst time round. He is very responsive, OP, that's encouraging. If he was distant now and not texting much, especially when you stopped sexting, then I wouldn't advise to try again. You don't have anything to lose by just meeting up and chatting, just postpone the sex (hope you can!)

AnuvvaMuvva Fri 27-Dec-13 01:07:12

The only way to discover a person's intentions is to wait and watch what they do. But only what they do naturally, without any influence from you.

You did that -- and he didn't ask you out again. Therefore you already know that his intention was not to see you again after you shagged. You know this! Now, his intention is to have sex with you tomorrow night because you've made it incredibly clear you're happy to do that.

I'm sure you're right that he's a nice guy. He's acting like a man who doesn't want to lead you on (by not even pretending to be interested in you, or finding out about you as a person, or asking to see you again). He's telling you clearly with his actions that you're not his future gf.

So now you make a choice - if you want him to see you ONLY for sex, then you go along as a grown-up and see him/shag him tomorrow. Blaming ONLY yourself when nothing further comes of it. But if you'd rather be his gf, someone he takes out on nice dates and asks questions to and cares about, then you stay home until he treats you like that.

erilou38 Fri 27-Dec-13 01:08:30

Was going to say, you never know, this man might turn into a boyfriend. I had a fuck buddy whom i starting shagging in May 2011, we became a couple in July 2011, engaged in October that same year and got married in March 2012!!! We are so happy, he truly is my 'one'. Not often this sort of thing happens with fuck buddies, as usually they just fizzle out. I was really lucky as my FB fell in love with me. Hope your guy does x

bedhead2008 Fri 27-Dec-13 01:09:17

Thanks beaglesaresweet, he is very responsive, replies immediately and we have exchanged several messages a day. Friends who have read them think he is interested so at this point I really think it could go either way.

I now need to resist the massive urge to sleep with him again and take the time to figure it out, wish me luck!

bedhead2008 Fri 27-Dec-13 01:12:28

AnuvvaMuvva that is true. Ugh, how depressing. I guess I have just been telling myself that he doesn't really know me yet and if we got to know each other, he may decide he wants to have a date/initiate that.

beaglesaresweet Fri 27-Dec-13 01:14:53

personally, I wouldn't say to him now that you want a boyfriend, and then wait for a definite answer- he may not be ready to decide! It's enough to tell him that you are not the type for ONS, and it was a first one for you (if it was), but that you are fine if he wouldn't want anything more (meaning then you'll let him be).

beaglesaresweet Fri 27-Dec-13 01:17:39

good luck, Op! just think of the benefits and how great it would feel if you resist that urge, and then he pursues you! and if that doesn't happen, how much easier it would be to move on without second time sex.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now