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DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

(548 Posts)
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO United States Mon 23-Dec-13 10:28:24

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves

WTAF???

He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

LondonNinja Mon 23-Dec-13 10:31:36

I'd feel like getting some black bags, filling them with his stuff and locking the door so he can miss his "boring" life.

Tell your family he's not there because he is bored and lonely.

He sounds worse than useless. Sorry, OP.

LightsPlease Mon 23-Dec-13 10:31:39

Why are you with him.?

mistlethrush Mon 23-Dec-13 10:31:52

Can you take the children and go to your DM without him for Christmas and show him what 'lonely' feels? He's being VVVU to expect you to do all the child care when you're ill. What do you get out of this 'partnership' as it seems rather one sided to me.

LondonNinja Mon 23-Dec-13 10:32:24

Sorry to hear you're ill, too. Make the most of your mum being there.

Fairenuff Mon 23-Dec-13 10:35:39

On your other thread were you advised to end the relationship by any chance? He sounds like an arsehole and he will never change. He doesn't care about you or the children, just himself.

pissedoffandupset Mon 23-Dec-13 10:37:30

He sounds incredibly immature and selfish.

I think probably get through Christmas first and then you need to have a serious conversation with him about the future and make it clear that if he can't support you -- physically and emotionally -- there's no future in the relationship.

Do you have anyone you could stay with for a couple of days if it came to it?

He's just a selfish knob isn't he. Do you expect him to change?

mammadiggingdeep Mon 23-Dec-13 10:40:29

Omg. I'd pack all his things in a bag, throw it out the front door, tell him he can go and find 'excitement' and more interesting company elsewhere...

What a nasty person. Bored????? Bored of family life? Aren't we at times? But normal people soldier on, are kind to each other and just enjoy the good times. Not looking after you or his dc through a sickness bug? Outrageous.

What do want to do? Do you want to be with him?

I'm so angry on your behalf.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO United States Mon 23-Dec-13 10:41:08

yup,
advised to ltb.
Thing is when he is nice its great. I know i know it should be nice all the time.

He does this thing which is he will say the most nasty, unkind things and not really mean them. (He told me in counselling he just said it for effect)

Thing is it totally rocks my foundations, he knows this.

Even if he says everything is fine and he didnt mean any of it, u cant take it back...

He just called, like normal to ask if we need wrapping paper?

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 23-Dec-13 10:42:13

Should you cancel your family coming if you all have D&V?

And kick him out - sounds like you should have done that months ago.

Tinkertaylor1 Mon 23-Dec-13 10:43:37

Sorry to hear of your illness we all had it a couple of weeks ago ... Just awful.

I'm never one to say leave but this time I will. He sounds horrible. I still wouldn't be able to get passed the pushing you.

Life is too short to struggle and have a dick head fella. You might as well struggle and be happy .

flowers

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO United States Mon 23-Dec-13 10:43:42

sorry was wroting and didnt see the last few posts.

I really dont know what I want. Every time this happens I care a little less...

Im afraid one day I will not care at all.

My eldest dc adores him. It would be horrific if we split. The middle one and baby are still small so I guess less impact.

What a dickhead

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing Mon 23-Dec-13 10:44:08

Is he 5?
What a revoltingly childish person.
Shower me with attention and make no demands or expect me to participate in normal family life or i'll have a tantrum. hmm
Normal people take the reins when their partner is ill. Not bleet about how they're bored and lonely.

Tinkertaylor1 Mon 23-Dec-13 10:44:18

Yes cancel family coming over and get on the couch with the kids.

Fairenuff Mon 23-Dec-13 10:44:39

Do you think he will change?

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO United States Mon 23-Dec-13 10:45:28

I am feling much bettet today, havny vommed since last night. And family are coming just to drop presents and help.

We have only just moved and he has been basically working and doing DIY all the other time so I tjink he is feeling a bit overwhelmed

mammadiggingdeep Mon 23-Dec-13 10:45:53

My ex used to do that. Say nasty things then say it was out of anger and snap out of mood when he was ready. It's abusive behaviour.

He has left you sick and caring for sick kids all night. Tells you he's bored and lonely and flounces out.

Didn't ask you what needs doing. Didn't ask if you're ok. Didn't ask if you needed a nap. Didn't ask if you could manage some breakfast. These are normal things.

If I were you I'd muddle throug Xmas then be really honest with yourself about what you want in the future.

You deserve better than this

Ps- I'd tell him to shove his wrapping paper up his arse.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 23-Dec-13 10:47:08

DIY?? Overwhelmed? Bet you were overwhelmed at 4am dealing with sick on your own...

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO United States Mon 23-Dec-13 10:47:16

Sorry, I keep missing all the replies!

He has changed, for the better, after we have one of these. So who knows...

I want my family around me, I wont have to talk to him!!

LightsPlease Mon 23-Dec-13 10:48:17

Irritating when people say oh but he can be nice...
Paedophiles and rapists are probably nice at times it doesn't retract their behaviour.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO United States Mon 23-Dec-13 10:48:24

God, I bloody love MN smile

Whatnext074 Mon 23-Dec-13 10:48:30

I'd tell him to shove his wrapping paper up his arse

^ this ^

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 23-Dec-13 10:49:12

You are fooling yourself OP - he doesn't step up when it's needed and no amount of denial will clear up the sick when you can't.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO United States Mon 23-Dec-13 10:50:36

3 weeks ago he had a massive go at me because "Im lazy"

I went mad, said wtf are you talking about! im iny last 2 weeks of mat leave in a wreck of a house and u want me to clean more????????

He appologised when I got home and said he massively underrstimated how long tjings take with 2 kids and a baby

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