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Tips on getting over a broken heart please

(66 Posts)
duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 16:27:43

In the space of 24 hours a new relationship with a man I absolutely adore seems to have gone tits-up - and I am heartbroken. I don't want to go into because I'm scared it boils down to the fact he is just not as bothered as I am. He is absolutely not a bastard, in fact he is lovely. Well, I would say that as I am mad about him still. Please distill what life has taught you about surviving this awful, insistent, bleak sadness for an old fool who can't help herself.

Plumbingtrouble Wed 18-Dec-13 16:32:37

I am sorry. It is hard isn't it. Are you able to tell us any more? How long you were together, are you sure it's over?

I have v recently had my heart broken; had been seeing someone on and off and he has pulled the plug. I am just trying to keep myself constantly busy, so I have little time to think about him.

duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 16:36:05

It's a dull story - but think we managed to just get a little intense, tried to skip a few steps, which ended up with what felt like our love draining away in front of us. Real squandering sadly. So something I can feel nice and silly for!! I'm sorry you've been here too recently.

MerryFuckingChristmas Wed 18-Dec-13 16:37:22

Is there any mileage for you in the "to get over a man, get under another one" ? At all ? wine ?

JeanSeberg Wed 18-Dec-13 16:38:09

I'm afraid it's a cliche but only time will make you feel better.

duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 16:39:12

merry that sounds fantastic! Don't suppose you have a spare one do you? smile

duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 16:40:16

Jean I know you are right. I suppose I just want to feel like I'm doing something useful.

MerryFuckingChristmas Wed 18-Dec-13 16:41:29

I do have a spare one as a matter of fact. An old friend is visiting for xmas from overseas. Single, all own teeth, solvent, unfortunate fashion line in shell trousers and running shoes but that could be easily sorted fsmile

duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 16:42:49

merry I think my lesson here is that someone making me laugh is at least an aspirin for the pain!!

Maoamstripes Wed 18-Dec-13 16:43:01

its utter crap isnt it... time, looking after you, mourning, getting back out there, keeping busy, positive thinking..
never say never? you sure its over? you may just need a break?

TheDayOfMyDoctor Wed 18-Dec-13 16:43:08

I'm with JeanSeberge I'm afraid.

What doesn't help from bitter experience is getting too serious too quickly with the next man you meet and projecting all your hopes for your broken relationship onto your new one.

See some friends, have some fun, have a good cry or two. Don't call him/Facebook him if you get drunk. It will get better.

redundantandbitter Wed 18-Dec-13 16:45:45

3 months on from utter heartbreak . Anti depressants. Counselling. Self help book. Posting on here. Going 'no contact ' . Keeping busy. Support from friends.

In reality a lot of tears, days spent just going through the motions . You just have to push through the shite and hope for a light at the end of the tunnel.

You poor love, so sorry this has happened - hope you have a busy Christmas planned? Any parties?

duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 16:47:00

maoam I wish it were the case we needed a break. But needing a break after two months (before that five years as friends) would not be a good sign methinks. I like the idea of bracing myself for more tears, rather than weeping twice as hard for shame when they come.

duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 16:49:11

redundant I am so sorry. And Christmas is sort-of a saviour inasmuch young children don't let you mope...but at the same time beautiful little angels in tinsel is a bit of a tear-jerker...

Maoamstripes Wed 18-Dec-13 16:49:51

think you may have to spill the beans and tell us what has happened in the space of 24 hrs.. why do you think is "just isnt that into you"? what has he said?

EllieInTheRoom Wed 18-Dec-13 16:58:54

Lots of wine wine wine. No gin, definitely not gin!

My friend posted her SIM card to herself?? Excellent idea. Stops you watching that phone, though she did nearly jump the postman when he finally arrived.

I think MFC's idea of getting back on the bike is a very good one, must be loads around this time of year.

Also, I'm having a bit of a shit time too and a plate of pigs in blankets last night helped!

X

duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 16:59:41

It's hard to explain - the only description I can think of is when you adore someone, you can't stop talking and touching when you are alone, then suddenly in public it drains away and you feel foolish in the cold light of day and there's awkwardness and it just dies in front of you.

duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 17:02:35

ellie wine will definitely be incorporated into the regime! Though all Internet self-help guides seem adamant that it will lead to total mental and physical collapse. Love the idea that there are loads of men around this time of year; makes them sound like tinsel or gift sets!

Scarletohello Wed 18-Dec-13 17:03:33

Well it's taken me a year to get over my year and a half relationship and the only thing that really helped was time. I was depressed, unmotivated, self pitying but slowly slowly I started to feel better. Read, see friends, be good to yourself. Post on here. Good luck, Xmas is a horrid time for this to happen.

If its a real "Broken Heart", unfortunately you will never stop grieving.
Only time will ease the pain of losing a loved one.

mammadiggingdeep Wed 18-Dec-13 17:56:14

I agree with never truly getting over it. I still have a piece of my heart with my ex from my 20s (not dc's dad). He truly was the love of my life I think. Still think of him frequently and sometimes think I've seen him in busy places. Oh god- sound like a nutter!! I'm not really!

louby44 Wed 18-Dec-13 18:56:28

It just takes time! I'm doing the broken heart thing too. Ex DP of 6 years, both previously divorced, we met each other and fell deeply for each other. We decided to throw the towel in last week.

We had bought a house together within a year of meeting, large detached as we have 4 kids...hindsight, we should have waited. But we wanted to be together.

Over the past couple of years he has shown himself to be a nasty, insecure, jealous bully who me and my 2 DS are now stuck with until we sell our house. I've had to end this relationship as it was damaging my boys who he constantly criticised and moaned at.

I go through periods of feeling strong and the feeling just so sad. I have a great family and wonderful friends so I'll get through it!

Itstartshere Wed 18-Dec-13 19:25:08

I'd just say time. Each week it gets easier.

Keeping busy is crucial, do the things you love and which make you feel good so you can remind yourself your life is rounded and not dependant on one person to make you happy. And chat to your friends - everyone has had their heart broken and knowing you aren't the only one helps.

I had my heart broken recently. It has been horrible, but I've been going out on other dates and I do feel much better than I did. They guy got back in touch and has been messing me around and dangling hope before me but he is still really messing me about, so I told him today in no uncertain terms to fuck off. Has felt awesome! I was pining over him so much and that feeling has largely gone now. It does get easier, promise.

PyjamaDayToday Wed 18-Dec-13 19:42:35

Go no contact, delete every trace of him from your life, read self help books, get busy, join things, eat chocolate/cheese/whatever - worked for me smile

duckandcover Wed 18-Dec-13 20:05:24

Thank you so much ladies and gents - feeling marginally less pathetic, and plenty of posts remind me to get some perspective too, in a very gentle way. MaybeI ahold be more pissed off with him too. We both misjudged it; he was behind the pace, I went along with it too readily. Can I ask was there a catalyst or a moment you knew you would be okay?

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