People may have seen my other threads, and know that things are pretty rough between myself and STBXH. I have called the police a couple of times regarding his behaviour and they have logged it as abusive and told me it is pretty typical of the controlling behaviours they see from abusive exes.
He wants to see the kids. I had no objection to this initially. It started that he only wanted the kids one at a time, he wouldn't take both. Then when he did have them both I had to take them to him after dinner and collect then after breakfast and got endless texts and calls all evening "dd has done a poo, what do I do???" and other such stuff, demonstrating exactly how inept he is. He (admittedly correctly) thought I was seeing someone else, and started calling me to come and get them because he felt "panicky", suggesting I could stay over as well so he wasn't alone with the kids, etc. when he found out I am seeing someone he stopped overnight contact and refused to see the kids unless I am present. He then became furious when I continued to see my new partner, and just saw him with the kids. My partner already knew my children as a friend, he is a friend from school I have known for about 14 years.
Once he realised I was continuing to see my partner and the kids were spending time with him he stopped the messages begging for me back and began threatening to destroy my possessions that are still at the house I left, threatening to kill himself etc.
Currently I'm not chasing him to see the kids, I get a text every couple of weeks with him wanting to see them, again, refusing to see them alone, but now because he is apparently ill, being seen at the hospital for various symptoms, might have cancer, keeps passing out. I know he was actually in hospital in recent weeks for passing out as I called admissions to check as its such a headfuck not knowing when he's lying or not.
When he texts I usually meet him in town, we wander round shops with the kids, he pays for their lunch, then a few more shops, then he says he's going home and then instead hangs around in places he thinks I might go, waiting to catch us with DP. He once met us, handed over gifts for the kids then "left" because I had a friend with me and he doesn't want to see the kids if I have anyone with me. He then followed me and my friend around town, at a distance, not realising we could see him, and seriously freaked my friend out.
His contact is basically me bringing the kids, him doing very little with them, then me taking them back to my mums, and I have to be there with him. He was / is emotionally abusive and controlling, and he uses the time to snipe at me, often descending into shouting at me, or on the last occasion, was perfectly friendly and nice but kept talking about night outs he goes on, or how he's decorated to match the furniture that I'm still paying for on finance, as if to remind me how he's controlling my ability to have time to myself and to let me know he doesn't plan on giving me my stuff back. Afterwards the messages threatening to destroy my stuff start again for a few days, which I ignore.
I've told him to arrange for a friend or family member to be with him if he doesn't want to be alone with the kids because I don't want to be with him but he refuses. If I say I'm not coming any more he says I'm stopping him seeing his kids.
His behaviour is really weird and scary and unstable to me right now, I don't want him to have the kids overnight because of it, but I don't mind him seeing them in the daytime as long as he has someone there. It started because he said he didn't want to be alone but when in getting messages about how he doesn't want to live anymore and how I've taken everything from him, I don't want him alone with the kids, his behaviour is really worrying me.
Am I within my rights to say that it his responsibility to see his kids, that if I don't want to see him that I don't have to and if he can't make arrangements to have someone with him then that's his problem?
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Relationships
What are my responsibilities with regards to contact between my STBXH and our children?
31 replies
Strawberrykisses · 17/12/2013 08:35
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