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My partner has posted videos of me on a porn website

(906 Posts)
cannotfuckingbelievethis Sun 15-Dec-13 08:19:37

I have namechanged as I'm mortified to think that this has happened.

Together 18yrs, 2 young DCS aged 5 and 3. Had the usual ups and downs you would expect during 18yrs together. Our sex life used to be pretty good, we experimented with different things and OH liked to take pictures of me which I wasn't into at first but then came round to the idea. As long as they were for his use only I didn't really have a problem but only let him take them when I felt like it. He was trying to spice things up over the last couple of months and recorded me a few times when we were having sex. I did not explicitly say "do not post these anywhere else" (because I shouldn't fucking have to I would have thought !) But I have mentioned in the past about how I would horrible it would be if a partner or an ex did this. So he knows my feelings on the subject.

When I found out last night I just asked him flat out why he did it. He said he liked the idea of people watching me and getting turned on. I said what about what I like and what I want ? He said he "thought" I would like it too. I told him I was fucking raging and wanted them off the site now and that he knew how I felt about it as I'd already said they were for him to watch and no one else.

I feel like such a fucking idiot. I know it was my decision to trust him but we're not talking about some teenager who is coerced into making a video. I've known him for a bloody lifetime. He doesn't seem to be seeing it as that big a deal and was kind of joking last night about "any chance of a blowjob then ?" I told him to fuck off.

Apart from all of the above which makes him sound like a complete prick he is a brilliant Dad and a good partner, though not the most affectionate. I could fucking kill him just now I'm so angry.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Sun 15-Dec-13 08:24:31

A good partner is someone you can trust implicitly, someone who has got your back. He is not a good partner. He has betrayed your trust and left you open to all the repercussions that can come from having this online.

If a friend did this would you still think they were a friend?

What. A. Nob.

SummerPlum Sun 15-Dec-13 08:26:48

This was always what he was working towards, sorry. Your feelings and wishes mean nothing to him.

Now you know that, you just have to decide what to do.

cannotfuckingbelievethis Sun 15-Dec-13 08:28:02

Not that it makes much difference but you can't see my face in any of the videos so I don't think I can be easily identified. It's the fact that he's done this when he already knew I didn't want it.

When I was ranting last night I said that what really fucks me off about him is his assumption that he knows what's best for me, or what I would like best.

cannotfuckingbelievethis Sun 15-Dec-13 08:28:53

After 18 fucking years though ! We're not talking about someone I've only been seeing for a few months !

I am a tit.

Leviticus Sun 15-Dec-13 08:30:13

How did you find out? Have they been taken down.

That's so awful OP. What a tosser.

moldingsunbeams Sun 15-Dec-13 08:30:45

You have been with him 18 years, you should absoloutley be able to trust this man with your life. What he has done is unforgivable.

Noflamingoshere Sun 15-Dec-13 08:31:14

He's not a good partner or a brilliant dad.

Just ... This is unacceptable. I'd be packing his bags I'm afraid. Sorry you're going through this op.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Sun 15-Dec-13 08:32:02

He has no regard for your thoughts and feelings on this. I don't think it matters that this time you cannot see your face.

Where are these images? Start deleting now.

It's up to you if you want to spend your life with someone who treats you like a piece of meat.

Noflamingoshere Sun 15-Dec-13 08:32:03

Even if they've been taken down from that site they will almost certainly have been downloaded and shared elsewhere.

GeordieCherry Sun 15-Dec-13 08:32:03

You are not a tit. He most certainly is. Has he taken them down? Deleted the material?

What is he going to do to regain your trust?

How did you find out? Did he casually mention it? I would be extremely worried that the person who us supposed to love you and protect your welfare has completely exploited you for his own sexual gratification. Worryingly cold and heartless of him.

LegoCaltrops Sun 15-Dec-13 08:34:34

That is awful. I think I would honestly leave my DH if he did this, and he is, like your DH, a good partner/dad in all other respects. I can't imagine any explanation that would ever let me trust someone again if they did this.

cannotfuckingbelievethis Sun 15-Dec-13 08:36:31

Levi - he'd asked me to proof read an essay he is doing for a degree he is studying for. I was looking though the history of the websites he'd looked at came across the porn ones. I'm not anti porn (far from it if it's all consenting adults,blah, blah ) So I had a look to see what he had been looking at expecting to find something I could tease him about and say "oh aye, is that what you've been looking at when you're supposed to be studying"

Instead I found a video of me.

Oh my God. I would leave. That's unbelievable.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 15-Dec-13 08:36:39

There's next to no point in taking them down.

These things are immediately copied into hundreds of sites. There are tools that download them, and people will reupload them as soon as you get them taken down.

It's really good that you aren't identifiable, but that doesn't really reduce the severity of this. I wouldn't be able to forgive him if he was the best partner on earth.

RandomMess Sun 15-Dec-13 08:37:47

Make him leave and now. It's all about him and seems like it always has been.

cannotfuckingbelievethis Sun 15-Dec-13 08:40:18

I don't know if they're still on the website. I'm sat downstairs with the DCs just now so don't want to be looking at them just now. Can't really bring myself to look either.

Noflamingoshere Sun 15-Dec-13 08:41:13

even if they are now off that particular website they will have been downloaded and they will be somewhere else. I am so sorry.

LegoCaltrops Sun 15-Dec-13 08:42:14

What a horrible way to find out. It doesn't sound like he was even planning to tell you! Agree with pp, tell him to leave, now. You need space to think/calm down, he needs to consider the consequences of what he's done. You can decide later, where to go from there.

onedev Sun 15-Dec-13 08:43:05

Oh my goodness, that is shocking. I also think id have to leave or make him go as that's such a massive breach of trust. Sorry you're going through this - horrendous.

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat Sun 15-Dec-13 08:44:09

Before you throw him out demand all copies of the videos and make sure they are deleted. Also find out if they are on other websites.

Do this before you throw him out.

He's despicable.

This would be something I couldn't move on from and would finish the relationship.

How dare he do this!

fiftyandfab Sun 15-Dec-13 08:45:39

Ditto to the posters who say no point taking them down. Once these things are online, they're there FOREVER! Be in no doubt about that OP. Regardless of whether your face can't be seen or you can't be identified, are you OK with the thought that thousands/millions of people wankers are watching wanking over you being intimate with your partner?

What an idiotic, stupid, naïve, disrespectful, undeserving bastard. I'd have his balls on a fucking plate....

ZombieMojaveWonderer Sun 15-Dec-13 08:45:47

Your husband has exploited you in the most horrendous way!
Personally even though you are not easily identifiable he has chosen to share your sex life with potentially everyone on the Internet. Someone you know could be using that video to get themselves off perhaps even a family member and that just makes me sick to my stomach.
How can you even say this man is a good husband and father when he has disrespected you so much, the mother of his children.

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