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Women watching porn

(261 Posts)
OhGodAmITheOnlyOne Wed 11-Dec-13 20:35:44

I've name changed and also posted about this in chat, but thought I might get better response here. This is 100% genuine. I occasionally look at porn or read erotic stories because it gets me in the mood. I don't know if DH knows, but I was wondering if it's common, if many women do? Or am I an awful person? hmm

Passthedamnhamplease Wed 23-Jul-14 18:26:48

Themselves not theirselves. No idea where predictive text got that one from!

Passthedamnhamplease Wed 23-Jul-14 18:26:10

I thought it was good necklessmumster. She just says she loves sex but hates the whole porn thing as it is today - and the whole expectation created by the porn industry. Fine if you like someone coming on your face, but in porn, every girl does and that's not reality and it is skewing the expectations of young men.

She has launched a site called make love not porn - adults submit their videos and can make money from them theirselves. She's an interesting character I think, though probably not to everyone's taste!

NecklessMumster Wed 23-Jul-14 10:18:15

I will have a look at that once I'm not at work.

Passthedamnhamplease Wed 23-Jul-14 07:10:41

Has anyone ever seen cindy gallop's TED talk on this topic?
m.youtube.com/watch?v=FV8n_E_6Tpc

newnamesamegame Tue 22-Jul-14 22:20:11

I don't have any problem with people watching it if they want and certainly don't think its anything for women to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Fill your boots if its what you like.

It leaves me totally cold though... I find porn about as erotic as accountancy. Leaving aside the ethical stuff, which does trouble me, I find it reductive, two-dimensional and depressing. And also depressingly suburban.

NecklessMumster Tue 22-Jul-14 21:23:05

Years ago I read erotic books because that's all I could access (I am old). Then I started to look at tumblr sites. I found the change from reading to visual erotica made orgasms quicker but somehow less satisfying ..and I felt ill over some stuff I clicked on. I personally don't want to see anal sex and bj.After reading these posts and worrying about womens exploitation I went on the literotica website for stories. It seems to me that the visual stuff gave me a hollow...male type of orgasm rather than the fantasy in my head frpm reading, and it felt damaging. Sorry tired and rambling

hell4heather Tue 22-Jul-14 21:01:40

There is real evidence to suggest regular use by a partner in place of their wife/girlfriend/love/husband causes actual changes to the brain, changing (and indeed limitting) the ways in which a user is able to feel aroused. Occasional and shared use I would say is very healthy, but look out because it can so easily get out of control. There is so much of it around these days and it is so simple to access, it is becoming an issue and causing break-ups, pain and suffering to many, many people.
I'm no prude, but it is very easy to make light of the subject when it is becoming increasingly problematic in society. Take care with it, is all I'm saying. I wrote a book about a woman who has suffered as a result of her husband's addiction and had to do a lot of research on the matter. It makes you view it in a whole, new light.

Dianeyorks Sun 16-Mar-14 10:11:28

Thanks sazgirl...lovely message ..my DH loves to watch with me...its a fab turn-on x

StickEmUpBigStyle Tue 11-Mar-14 20:35:02

sazgirl post sounds like she is 12 grin

Thedaughter123 Tue 11-Mar-14 20:32:14

thats gross

CaptainHindsight Mon 03-Mar-14 16:50:55

We get it Sazgirl - why don't you start a new thread? hmm

sazgirl Mon 03-Mar-14 14:31:33

I love watching porn. I watch alone and with DH and very regularly. Nothing wrong with it, it enriches and varies our sex life. I feel empowered, in charge and very very sexy...DH never complains he "loves me to bits"
never feel guilty...its just good sexy fun !!!

MostWicked Sun 19-Jan-14 16:16:02

I like the idea of a quality mark.

There should be more discussion and education, but it has to look at the subject in a broad sense, not just the extremes. Porn is not all anal and gang bangs, I would describe some of it as quite beautiful, but I know not everyone would be able to see beauty in graphic detail.

I suppose the health warning is similar to alcohol. Some enjoy, others don't, but use responsibly, don't overdo it, and if you find yourself needing it, you've got a problem.

Logg1e Sun 19-Jan-14 15:18:53

MostWicked, Just insisting that it is wrong and disgusting and should be banned, is futile.

I agree. I dislike porn and I wouldn't go out with a man who watched it. However, I believe in freedom of speech and understand that some people want to watch others having anal sex, gang bangs etc.
I think that a quality mark system is the way to go, in order to control illegal images/film and to protect the health and rights of those in the porn.
I also think that when porn is discussed, it's important that the negative effects should of porn should be stated (like cigarette health warnings), as well as stating the fact that not everybody watches porn and it's ok to choose not to.
There should be better education about porn too.

Joysmum Sun 19-Jan-14 14:41:11

It's a good point. Porn is about sex, rom coms promote a fantasy of relationships and emotional attachment. Which is worse? Personally I think sex is sex (although Monigamy is the rule for us) but I'd be most hurt by my husband fantasising about living his life with another. That to me would be utter rejection.

MostWicked Sun 19-Jan-14 13:48:30

Porn has been around for centuries. Article about 4000yr old erotica
Sexual desire is a basic human drive and many people are visually stimulated - they always have been. I find the image in that link erotic. Is it pornographic? I don't know, because people have different definitions of what is pornographic.
Just insisting that it is wrong and disgusting and should be banned, is futile. It does however, need to be produced in an ethical way.
If porn is drawn rather than photographed or filmed, is that any different?

nickymanchester Sun 19-Jan-14 11:10:01

but if you were to randomly look up during sex to find a group of people watching you, you'd accuse them of being sickos or peeping toms

Not necessarily. For quite a few women that's actually quite a big fantasy

91chloejp Sun 19-Jan-14 10:43:04

I think porn can destroy boundaries when 'casual viewing' becomes an unhealthy obsession/addiction. I've seen it happen and it can destroy relationships. As one poster said, conventional sex became boring and so their fantasies started to become more 'unusual'..

Also how many depraved people have admitted to their porn addiction? I'm not accusing anyone here of being a depraved person and neither am I on my high horse preaching, I'm just genuinely curious.

Why is it normal to watch other people having sex on your laptop/phone, but if you were to randomly look up during sex to find a group of people watching you, you'd accuse them of being sickos or peeping toms.

I'm all for people trying new things (within reason) but where is the line drawn? I'm pretty sure there is a category for everything in the porn industry, my cousin even told me about menstrual porn. Who the feck is watching that?

tilliebob Sun 19-Jan-14 10:02:37

Reading about it - yes. Watching it - no! I tend to burst out laughing at porn and find it all vaguely ludicrous. A lot ludicrous to be honest. Would rather do it than watch it - and even then we sometimes get the giggles wink.

beachside Sun 19-Jan-14 08:44:22

Erm, amyfucker,

Haven't you just made a couple of personal attacks on Trixie? Isn't that counter to mumsnet policy? She was only expressing her opinion and I don't think she needed to be called a pornhound or overexcited.

Shouldn't you apologise or withdraw them or something?

AnyFucker Sat 18-Jan-14 22:45:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Suelford Sat 18-Jan-14 22:42:28

Oh let's not do the snide "cool" thing, it's cringeworthy now.

AnyFucker Sat 18-Jan-14 22:18:34

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

trixie1970 Sat 18-Jan-14 21:21:16

I love watching porn. I watch alone and with DH and very regularly. Nothing wrong with it and it adds to our very healthy sex life….oh and I feel like a sex kitten too! No, not just feel like one...I am one!

Go girls!!!

Logg1e Sat 18-Jan-14 21:00:57

I thought her point was that women watch romantic comedies and drool over the actor/character and this is just the same as men watching porn. Both are just after intimacy.

She didn't talk about women who like to watch porn (or men who like to watch rom coms). She didn't quite get around to the sexual exploitation, drug dependency, physical injuries etc that you get with the romantic comedy industry.

Only it doesn't have to be a romantic comedy, she's just using that as an example, and it could be anything. That's just the same as porn.

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