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Can stress stop you loving your DH?

(9 Posts)
AuntieFanny Mon 09-Dec-13 13:51:03

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onetiredmummy Mon 09-Dec-13 13:59:28

Stress can make you think about nothing else except problems, so at times you would normally have a cuddle on the sofa or have sex then you can be too stressed to relax in your usual ways. This could probably manifest as not loving although its not true. If both parties do this for a length of time then its like ships that pass in the night. It doesn't mean your love has gone, it means that there are too many pressing problems jostling in your brain for you to allow some time for love as other things have to be sorted first.

Are you resentful in any way towards your DH? Do you feel that he could do more?

I don't think stress can stop you loving, I just think it can cover that love up.

AuntieFanny Mon 09-Dec-13 14:10:27

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janesnowdon1 Mon 09-Dec-13 14:55:17

If you have a good GP I would go see them to have a chat. They may be able to refer you for some counselling and assess you in case you are depressed due to all the stress (depression can cause loving feelings to be subsumed). You both sound very down about your problems - could you both sit down and talk about things (don't say you don't love him) and maybe come up with a plan?

Some counselling
Date nights
More affectionate touching etc.

I think stress and money problems can really cause a disconnect in relationships. I have been battling similar problems lately and you have my sympathy - it is bloody awful !

AuntieFanny Mon 09-Dec-13 15:08:18

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janesnowdon1 Mon 09-Dec-13 15:59:40

I'm glad you talked Auntie. I think it's really important to keep doing that - even if sometimes it's painful. My DH had a big breakdown over the failure of the business and a bereavement and felt he did not love me,in fact he positively detested me for some time - it's been difficult and exacerbated by him not taking meds.

I felt his depression was rubbing off on me too. I have been retraining as I will now have to be the breadwinner and we have to start again . Through my uni I got some free counselling. It has been great just to talk to someone once a fortnight - it kind of keeps things from overflowing. It has also helped me see that I need to put my needs and wants first and that by giving some of my energy to myself I can stay strong for everyone. It also helped me "distance myself" a bit from the situation so that it does not take over my mind and make me feel so hopeless.

We have been trying to have date nights, touching etc. but my H often reneges on arrangements or does not iniate things when it's "his turn". I am not sure we will survive but I don't feel as broken as I did a few months back.

Good luck xx

AuntieFanny Mon 09-Dec-13 17:38:50

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janesnowdon1 Mon 09-Dec-13 18:54:29

Thank you for your kind words Auntie
I did feel disappointed and angry with my husband - he took a lot of (bad) decisions over several years without consulting me. Now, at midlife instead of having some form of security we will have none. Yes - I know all about the "pottering about" aka "doing work" whilst tinkering on the internet for months on end. ( Probably a sign of depression).

I have found it really hard retraining - my brain is not functioning at full capacity - it takes me longer to do assignments and in seminars my mind has wandered or I find myself struggling for the right words.

My GP advised me to take on a light challenge . Apparently it is very good in rebuilding esteem. I think I should have chosen something easier.

I think it's really postive that your DH wants to work on things and be more positive. Would he agree to a plan with some "baby steps" on it?

AuntieFanny Tue 10-Dec-13 12:07:22

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