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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP bags are packed in car, he is asleep on sofa and going first thing in morning!!!

73 replies

Mumof3girlys · 01/12/2013 23:08

So been with my DP for 2 years, I have 3dc from previous relationship! Had few issus over our time namely being his drinking and his so called facebook banter with the 19 year old he left his wife and son for 10 years ago!!

Well after the facebook stuff in summer I just could get over it, and his drinking is becoming worst! We don't live together he is here usually 4 nights a week! Today he went out at 12 to watch footy and had 4 pints, came home and tucked stright into the best part of 3 bottles of wine! I on the other hand have cleaned house from top to bottom, cleared garden for winter and done a tip run!

Girls get home from dads and second they walk in at 6pm he starts bawling them out, take shoes off, why you getting that book out me and your mum have spent all day doing house and garden! Then proceeds to repeatly ask if it's there bed time then gets all shouty at me about my lake of disapline and how I we are not going to agree to change to kids going to dads every other weekend etc etc, tell him I'm quite happy with the every other weekend arrangement he is suggesting!!

Then I just snapped, told him to shut up and that all he ever does is drink and shout, so he says right well I will go in morning and not come back so I said FINE packed his stuff, gave him quilt for sofa a went to bed, he says he will be gone by 6am as soon as he can drive!

Not really sure why I'm posting just needed to write this down, feeling ok maybe just a little nurvous, I know deep down things are not right and he will never be what I want for me DNS my kids but still it was 2 years and in that time we had slot of fun! But think I will be fine

OP posts:

Report

Isetan · 01/12/2013 23:12

If he doesn't live with you why is he sleeping on the sofa?

lisad123everybodydancenow · 01/12/2013 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Handywoman · 01/12/2013 23:15

Probs because he is hammered, Isetan

Well done, OP, you did good. Hope he goes quietly!

mammadiggingdeep · 01/12/2013 23:17

Just tell him to go home in a cab and he can get his stuff tomorrow. 2 years, doesn't live with you but is shouting at your kids about them ranging their shoes off?? You have done the right thing 1000 times over. Good riddance!!

mammadiggingdeep · 01/12/2013 23:18

taking

lookingfoxy · 01/12/2013 23:18

Hes asleep on her sofa because he is too drunk to drive.
he left his wife for a 19 year old 10 years ago.

It seems written clearly enough.

Op you are doing the right thing, try and get some sleep and hopefully he'll be gone before you wake up.

MyPrettyToes · 01/12/2013 23:20

You will be fine, you have done a great thing.

Your daughters needed you to stand up for them and yourself, you did. This man sounds absolutely appalling. No way would I ever let a man that shouted at my children stay in our lives. No way. You deserve better, and so do your daughters.

Mumof3girlys · 01/12/2013 23:21

Sorry she was 19 not nine he was 27 at the time!

Yes far to drunk to drive, he is def not the sort to make a scene in front of kids at worst he will wake up moaning he is hanging then try and say I was horrible and out of order last night!

He is a really nice person except for the drinking, laziness and the fact he doesn't really get/understand the whole kid thing!

So really it's over and I think I have known that for a long time

OP posts:

HotDogSlaughter · 01/12/2013 23:21

Good for you.
But was she really 9 years old when he left his wife

ImperialBlether · 01/12/2013 23:21

I don't understand why you allowed him to talk like that to your children when he doesn't even live there. Why didn't you chuck him out immediately?

He's going to be no great loss, is he? I'm sure there were good times, but he sounds such a pig I think kicking him out is the only way to go.

HotDogSlaughter · 01/12/2013 23:21

X post sorry

bunchoffives · 01/12/2013 23:22

That does sound as though its the right the thing OP, although it must be hard to face the split. But his presence must be horrible for your girls (and doesn't sound good for you either).

Glad you're coping alright, just be kind to yourself for a few weeks and take good care of those girls! Don't take him back though, the drinking and shouting will only get worse after a short period of being on best behaviour. Just keep in mind why you've chucked him out.

Mumof3girlys · 01/12/2013 23:22

He is fast asleep now, lives 40 miles away otherwise taxi would of been called!

OP posts:

lisad123everybodydancenow · 01/12/2013 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanSeberg · 01/12/2013 23:24

Oh for god's sake of course she wasn't 9...

JeanSeberg · 01/12/2013 23:26

And don't let him talk you round tomorrow or in the future.

LegoCaltrops · 01/12/2013 23:27

Good for you! He sounds like a right waste of space TBH. Hope he doesn't try to win you round in the morning.

RhondaJean · 01/12/2013 23:27

If he has drunk 3 bottles of wine there is no way he will be legal or safe to drive at 6am. Op please take his keys off him and call him a cab for the sake of whoever he might kill on his way home.

3 bottles of wine plus 4 pints is around 35 units of alcohol (conservative estimate) suggesting he will not actually be able to drive til half way through Tuesday.

I am very sorry you are going through this but I think you are making the right choice here. Good luck.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 01/12/2013 23:30

He will be over the limit to drive in the morning.

He should not be putting other road users at risk.

Make him leave to a neighbourhood cafe/library/whatever until at least midday then tell him to fuck the fuck off

And don't take him back, ever

sandgrown · 01/12/2013 23:30

Well done! I lived with someone like your OH for many years. Only recently my grown up kids said how much they hated him. I feel so guilty I let him stay for so long . Be strong

ChasedByBees · 01/12/2013 23:31

Good decision. He has no right to shout at your DC like that. Cheeky arse claiming he's spent the day tidying and clearing. Don't back down!

ImperialBlether · 01/12/2013 23:32

Order a taxi for 6. Get the keys off him. Give the keys to the taxi driver and tell him to get the guy home.

If he insists on driving, call the police.

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ineedanexcuse · 01/12/2013 23:33

There is no way he will be fit to drive after consuming 3 bottles of wine and 4 pints today.

Each unit of alcohol takes roughly 1 hour to clear from the bloodstream.

On conservative estimates it will take at least 24 hours for him to be completely sober again.

ineedanexcuse · 01/12/2013 23:34

Sorry - he wont be fit to drive at 6am tomorrow morning

MarjorieChardem · 01/12/2013 23:37

What a waste of space he is, you're well rid there OP.

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