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I'm leaving

(35 Posts)
GuernseyTeddy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:31:54

Just wanted to say it. Decided today when I was ironing, sorting out the clues for his daughter's advent boxes and entertaining our four month old son - whilst he lay stretched out on the sofa, telly on and ipad in hand.

I've no job, no money, nowhere to live - but U can sort it right???

GuernseyTeddy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:32:50

I meant 'I' not U. Freudian slip!!grin

onetiredmummy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:36:48

Well done teddy.

Speak to the Tax Credits office, you have to cancel your joint claim (if you have one) & start a new one as a single parent. They are usually quick with money in this instance.

Speak to your council, find out if you qualify for Housing Benefit or help with rent (is the house you're living in now, his?)

Sort out your bank accounts, hopefully you already have one in your name but if you don't then open one.

Are you in the UK?

GuernseyTeddy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:41:37

Yep - I'm in the uk. Currently don't receive anything as StbEx is 'high-earner.' Not even child benefit.

Can I call to make claim before I leave the house?

Thinking of getting my dad to get me when he is out of country for business this week. Previously threatened me with prohibited steps order to stop me taking our son to my parents.

Noctilucent Sun 01-Dec-13 16:45:19

Teddy - are you a namechanging regular ? If you are who I think you are, good on you, and you will be fine.

Handywoman Sun 01-Dec-13 16:46:49

You can call, yes. Just be careful. Cover your tracks. Well done x

onetiredmummy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:49:20

Yes you can, you can call when the relationship ends its not dependent upon where you're living.

I'd go through the CSA for maintenance.

Are you consulting a solicitor for a divorce?

GuernseyTeddy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:50:23

Thanks. I'm so scared at the moment. Part of me is telling me not to do this ...comfortable 'Easy' life here etc etc. I'm just so fed up of him taking the piss, and in my heart of hearts know he will never change.

Re name change - kind of. Used a few different ones throughout pregnancy, but have stuck with this since DS born.

GuernseyTeddy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:51:20

We're not married. So not entitled to anything than child maintenance.

onetiredmummy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:51:24

Yeah its a scary thing, its leaving all you have for the unknown.

But its worth it smile

RedLondonBus Sun 01-Dec-13 16:51:31

my advice is to be one step ahead of him

he will want fair access for example

you should look at csa website to work out maintenence too

onetiredmummy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:52:11

OK so if no solicitor is involved then remember you have the CAB who you can consult on pretty much any difficulty or question smile

GuernseyTeddy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:57:17

Bawling my eyes out here getting DS ready for his bath.

Need an action plan to get me through to the end of the week when hopefully we should be at my parents!!

MeMySonAndI Sun 01-Dec-13 17:12:41

Teddy, good on you on taking that decission, now remember that unless he is violent or difficult to have around, there is no pressure to leave straight away. Take the situation as free lodging until you sort everything out, then leave but leave at the time that is more convenient to you.

RedLondonBus Sun 01-Dec-13 17:30:38

take some cash
think through what you need to take....passports,birth certs etc. things you will need to apply for benefits
copies of bank statements etc
car?

mammadiggingdeep Sun 01-Dec-13 17:33:05

Get everything sorted properly tomorrow. Ring tax credits and child benefit people tomorrow. They have to send you a form and if you call tomorrow, you'll recieve it by mid week probably.

Just hang on for a bit longer and make sure you don't over look anything. Do you have a joint account? You could do some practical things like go and kit your ds out with clothes for next few months, buy a big stock of nappies, formula milk etc...

mammadiggingdeep Sun 01-Dec-13 17:34:04

Good luck xx

GuernseyTeddy Sun 01-Dec-13 17:48:43

He's not violent, just extremely unpleasant to be around. Plus there's the issue of never being allowed to leave with my son while he's here. This business trip might be my last opportunity for a while.

No joint bank account.

I do have a car here - insured, taxed, registered in my name etc but I don't drive and it's got a flat front tire.

RedLondonBus Sun 01-Dec-13 17:49:49

can you sell it on quickly?

be careful....he sounds like he could get nasty very quickly

GuernseyTeddy Sun 01-Dec-13 17:51:40

Could sell it back to the man who we bought it from, but would have sort tyre and have no idea where I'd start with that.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 01-Dec-13 17:52:12

Sell the car...or ask your dad to come to you and drive it back for you (will cost a small amount to insure him maybe). Then you'll have the car with you and you can sell it. Hopefully your dad could fix front tyre.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 01-Dec-13 17:53:23

Could a friend/ friends partner sort tyre?? Try to keep hold of car- you don't know how long it'll be before you get maintenance

RedLondonBus Sun 01-Dec-13 17:53:38

do you have breakdown cover with your insurance? they might come out and do it....or a mobile mechanic? a friends DH?

GuernseyTeddy Sun 01-Dec-13 17:57:07

Was thinking that. If my dad comes the morning STBX flies out, then if he can stay overnight we'd have that day and the following morning to sort everything out.

Feel really bad for sneaking around like this. But I've given him chance after chance to start being more of a partner, and he's always back to normal after a few days on his best behaviour - he seems the personality type that will always make the least amount of effort possible. Plus whenever I've mentioned leaving, he's always said not with DS and I don't have the financial resources to do this through the courts.

RedLondonBus Sun 01-Dec-13 18:01:05

worry about access later on I guess.

if he takes you to court then theres help available,but do bear in mind he could easily ask for 50/50. so I'd try and remain as amicable as possible if I were you.

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