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New relationships - impatience and idiots!

(89 Posts)
LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 21:43:22

I separated from my husband a year or so ago and my divorce came through around a month ago. I'm past that, I went to Relate, I dealt with his infidelity and looked at my role in our many many problems.

But now the dating!!! What a bloody saga. I've dated younger, older, hot hot hot, less than hot, a bit boring.... The problem is, this last guy was a gem. Or so I thought. We started dating a month ago. Sweet, kind, affectionate, generous, a little older, cheated on by his ex wife (3 years ago) and had a difficult relationship with a new woman about 18 months ago. We had a weekend away... and he seems to have gone nuts!

I asked him if we were exclusive after our weekend away, explained that I wasn't intending to see anyone else and just wondered if he felt the same. He was realy annoyed. Said he felt as if I was accusing of something and why would I do that. That he was a decent genuine guy and would never never date anyone else whilst he was gettint to know someone.

I felt awful. Trouble is, my close freinds are on the OD curcuit too and had seen his profile "online" on several occasions lately. He explained it away as must have opened a message or something... I felt torn. I asked him what was going on. Said he's confused, unsure, doesn't know what he wants. So I said - lets leave it at that then shall we, because I like you and if you don't feel the same.... But he very much wanted us to keep talking while he thinks things through.

Trouble is, after a few days his messages are infrequent, he never calls any more, he replies to text with things like "sorry I was too busy to reply, I will later..." So I've said today - essentially - that if he just doesn't feel for me the way he seemed to a couple of weeks ago then I don't see how time and space away from me is going to fix that.

a) Is he an arse who's playing me and I'm so very much wanting to be loved again thatn i'm clinging to any chink of light that he's a good guy.

b) Am I unreasonable and he's just a bit scared and I should have given him the time to think that he asked for patiently and with good grace.

Oh deary deary me!!!
Thanks loves x

LetsCancelChristmas Wed 08-Jan-14 10:07:43

Oh for goodness sake ladies.
I just had to go and let Country Mouse crawl right back in didn't I. URGH!
I'm a muggins.

But how are you all doing too? Don't did you hear again? French how'd it go??

Deathwatchbeetle Mon 09-Dec-13 09:40:38

Well it makes me wonder was he actually cheated on by ex or was it him and this difficult relationship with the other person - perhaps he was the difficult one. DON'T do all the running. If he doesn't bother replying to your 'needy' texts then he is not worth it. Men who are worth continuing with should be able to contact you even if they are super busy - even if a quick 'thinking of you' kind of thing. Maybe he has had what he wants and is content to wait until you disgrace yourself by practically begging for it????

Sounds perfect.

I'd love to hear how French's night went.

My chap has gone quiet. I haven't heard from him since Tuesday so I think it's over tbh.

LetsCancelChristmas Sun 08-Dec-13 16:11:03

Weeeeeell french?

No more heard from CountryMouse or BigSpoon this week. Man free zone. Went on a little spa break instead, was lovely. Sometimes all you need is girlfriends, not fellas!

Not long now! Bet you have butterflies grin

Countdown is on French wink

Yes to the date. I bet if you go into it thinking you don't care and relaxed, he'll want a second date grin That's what happened with my current chap. Still busy playing it cool there but I think he's lovely, he's grown on me.

LetsCancelChristmas Tue 03-Dec-13 23:39:14

Rainbow I decided you're right... why the devil not. Told my mate that'd be lovely - set me right up! He can't be worse than CountryMouse now can he?! hmm

Sleep well french! Hope you're all preened and pruned and tanned and feeling fabulous smile

frenchmanicure Tue 03-Dec-13 21:07:34

I'm fake tanning myself then having an early night...

Hoping I might feel calmer in the morning!

rainbowfeet Tue 03-Dec-13 21:03:29

Let's.. He sounds ok though... I say go for it! grin

I have just re-joined dating site.. I managed 3 days away from it but Goldie not on there anymore??!! .. Maybe he's met someone confused
I hope not!

Bloody tossy twatbag!! hmm

Good luck tomorrow night.. French, you'll be fine, alcohol deffo the way to go for 1st time nookie though. wink

LetsCancelChristmas Tue 03-Dec-13 20:56:03

Oh you'll def be fine after a glass or two... or three...
Nah, hammered and slurry isn't a great look! You'll have fun grin

I know ladies, wasn't even a "Sorry" i didn't reply
Just a "Didn't reply 'cos i was pissed off"
Knob knobbery knobsocks

A lovely guy at work (good friend, married two kids) wants to set me up with a buddy of his. Says he's successful, tall, handsome, just a bit shy with the ladies... I dunno. Today I'm feeling all - what's the bloody point.

frenchmanicure Tue 03-Dec-13 20:16:08

Ah what a bugger lets. That was a pretty pointless text he sent, would have been better if he hadn't bothered. Men! hmm.

I'm feeling nervous, stressed and a bit sick in anticipation of tomorrow...hopefully I'll be better once wine has been drunk!

Well done.

Wonder how Frenchmanicure is getting along wink

LetsCancelChristmas Tue 03-Dec-13 19:12:30

Well thats about right isn't it... In the twisted way of things the fact that he DID text is somehow much more difficult to be okay about! Oh what a pickle! I've stuck resolutely however - he got a brief "well i was pissed off too" reply and thats it. He can chase if he likes (in some kind of warped guy way no doubt...) but I do not need that kind of messy complicated relationship..!

Only, roughly, 6 or 7 WEEKS till BigSpoon's back... confused

rainbowfeet Tue 03-Dec-13 08:23:55

Let's... To receive a text is even more annoying than not receiving one.... In our nutcase world!! Especially when he won't respond to your reply for a couple of days!!! hmm Game player me thinks!!

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 22:22:16

grin indeed!

No, unfortunately not, we don't live or work close to each other. I did however log back into my POF in a "see my life goes on and I won't be on the shelf for long" mini protest. I'm sure he'll neither look nor notice, and the last thing I feel like right at the mo is dating another numpty... but there we are!

Do you ever bump into him? Make sure you look nonchalant and gorgeous too grin

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 22:04:19

That's my baby steps tactic. Not because I want CountryMouse to be my one (he's clearly a big sulky baby) but because if I don't learn anything from dating and relationships - then what's the point?!

So there will categorically be no more texts at all if he never replies again. I'm VERY stubborn once I'm decided about something <thankfully> and never ever an immediate reply. Its only been such a ball ache as I've had a few days off work - back tomorrow so replying promptly wont be an option anyway smile No dont, I don't think I will want him by then, don't think I do now! (She says convincingly...)

Maintain dignity if you can. No more texts unless he contacts you first and def wait a few hours to reply each time. Well done for waiting a couple to reply. Bet that threw him.

Send only short and sweet ones. Sending more than one indicates you care too much. Just reply eventually to his.

I reckon he'll come to his senses in the end if you're hands off. But you may not want him by then wink

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 21:48:09

Oh I managed a couple of hours dont... that's pretty good for me! I was breezy but said - yep, i was pissed off too! Then how delightful my weekend was... How well work was going...

He'll dwell on it for a day or two and reply again. I've got the measure of this one now! Oh I'm resolute we're done. Done like a done thing. Just want the last word I guess!!

Make CountryMouse wait awhile before replying. Maybe tomorrow morning and when you reply keep it short, light & breezy. So you're busy, happy and haven't thought about him at all. Lol

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 21:17:34

I think i'm infuriated rather than dying for him to love me!
He didn't reply to any of my messages (painful reminder that there were in fact FOUR that went unresponded. Ahem) because he was - I QUOTE - pretty pissed off about the whole thing and didn't want to say anything stupid.

Number 1 - What WHOLE THING? He asked for space and I asked a couple of times what that bloody well meant...

Number 2 - HE was pissed? HEEEEEE was pissed?? I see. It's like that is.

I'm a little bit seething! (and if completely honest with myself the teensiest bit hopeful that he's come to his sense, isn't a dick after all, wants to shower me with love forever, will make me laugh every day for all eternity and we'll have highly beautiful babies)

Yes. I am a nut.

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 21:13:56

Sooooo... the CountryMouse text me!

Nails painted? Legs etc waxed? wink

New underwear?

Lucky thing. Enjoy and please tell us all about it after. Well not in all its full gory detail, but a little would be great. We'll all live vicariously through you grin

rainbowfeet Mon 02-Dec-13 19:42:27

48 hours.... Oh French that's a whole different thread!! wink X

frenchmanicure Mon 02-Dec-13 18:49:54

I haven't felt conscious of the whole class thing since uni where I was always made to feel like a bit of an oik cos I didn't have a private education, 4 middle names and a trunk with my initials on...!

I think with the current chap it's more in my head than real. I just need to get a grip!

On which note (and because I'm never one to pass up an opportunity for innuendo) we appear to be on for our (first- and hopefully not last!) night of passion, in 48hrs time...eek!

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