I'm afraid I will end up drip feeding. I can't type out everything in one go' because I'm afraid I might cry.
I think it's just the death of a 1000 cuts. I just lost it today in the car and told him, I'm done. Straw the broke the camel's back- I asked about getting DM to babysit and going out. He said we have no money, which is true, fair enough. A week or 2 later he is going to poker with his mates. OK. Not too bad as they only put a fiver in the pot and take beers. Then suddenly it is, we are going around town later. Had an arguement about it and I assumed he was just going to the poker. Today is the day, and he is off out, but not before he has tried to twist it and say, I did think we had no money, and I did ask you if you wanted to go out then after the argument. (To me, this was just because he realised he had to, because he wanted to go out with his friends)
Went out to a private clinic today, with youngest dcs about something that I have been panicking about for weeks, months, years. Dc's didn't cry, but I did. Doctor ended up hugging me. Dh was sat in the waiting room with other dc's. We was told to wait for 10 mins, before we leave after the procedure and what does dh do? Goes outside leaving me on my own with dc's while he makes arrangements for his night out tonight.
I had to explain to him why I was angry, and besides that, I had to ask a complete stranger in the waiting room to watch the dc's becasuse my D's wanted the toilet.
I'm fed up of being his moral compass, which I told him. It's exhausting always having to explain everything from my point of view.
He went upstairs and when he got down, he had a bag packed. He said goodbye, and I said for good? And he nodded. So I said OK and as he left my bitch came out and I said have fun, and then shut the door.
I don't know if this is it or not. If I even want it to be. I don't want this life but I'm not sure the other is going to be better. I'm dreading telling dcs. What a mess.
I've spent a long long time, tooing and growing between leaving and staying. I am the worlds best circular arguer, in my own head, I rumunciate and procrastinate to the point that it drives me mad.
Some perspectives from you lovely lot might help, but please be gentle. I'm not in a good place right now.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
dh just packed and left.
enlightenmequick · 30/11/2013 18:11
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