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Being sworn at in front of my child

(38 Posts)
TheCrumpetQueen Sat 30-Nov-13 10:44:35

My partner can be shouty and when we argue or disagree he will immediately start shouting. I tell him to please not shout in front of ds (1yr old) as I don't want that for him.

What really upsets me is when he will call me names in front of ds (like arsehole, prick, dick). I just feel so sad and guilty for ds and I know one day he will think its ok to call me those names. I know he doesn't understand now, but it's not far off at all.

After the third argument this year,I've warned him not to ever talk to me like that and that I will leave him if he continues for the sake of ds - he deserves better. No one in my family has ever called me names, especially during minor-ish arguments. Don't really know what I'm asking for here, just could do with some support as I feel so down.

Lweji Sat 30-Nov-13 12:32:23

Or you could leave him holding the baby for a while.

You do need a rest and quiet time to think.

Lweji Sat 30-Nov-13 12:33:22

Certainly do not use your savings to buy with him. Buy for yourself.

shelbytortoise Sat 30-Nov-13 12:38:40

Do you feel happy leaving ds with him? What is his relationship with your little one like?

ImperialBlether Sat 30-Nov-13 12:47:37

Do the savings belong to you or to both of you? Not that it makes a difference if you are going to need a deposit, but I was just thinking of objections he'd raise.

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 30-Nov-13 13:54:17

It's my savings. I would leave him with his dad but would worry he would forget about bottles etc I'd have to leave a list and things prepared and call to check he's done things so not really a break really

Lweji Sat 30-Nov-13 14:03:39

So, he's not even a great dad, is he?

Don't worry. He'll feed your child when he complains about it at least.

My ex was a bit useless, but my DS survived. I worked full time and had to have trips away.

HootOnTheBeach Sat 30-Nov-13 14:22:20

I grew up in an abusive household. My dad used to hit my mum a lot, shout at her, swear constantly. As he got older (14 onwards) he got lazier and stopped hitting her, just shouted instead. He himself grew up in a similar environment. ngl, I am quite traumatised from having to be around that constantly. I remember getting hopeful countless times when my mother would bitterly swear to LTB and pack up. She never did and I admit I resent her massively for getting my childish hopes up and for keeping us in a toxic, nasty environment. My parents are now old, hate each other, argue constantly but are too lazy to divorce and find new partners etc. They wasted their lives and scarred me in the process.

OP, I made an account just to answer to this thread because you really touched a nerve with me.

You need to get out. You need to grow a backbone, gather some integrity and get the fuck out of that house. Why should you get used to that kind of abuse from someone just because you happen to be shagging each other? If a friend swore at you and called you names, showed an astounding lack of respect would you keep them in your life? No? So why is this any different?

If you don't care about yourself, then do it for the kid and his future partners. Because if DS grows up seeing that it's ok for daddy to swear at mummy and give her abuse, how do you think he will act in his future relationships?

Don't tie yourself to the bastard any more than you already have. You can't get a refund on the kid, but you can certainly choose what to do with your savings.

Basically, take a deep breath and get a grip.

DoingItForMyself Sat 30-Nov-13 15:52:42

Moonshine, I had a AIBU about DP's coldsore if you want to find it. He told me to STFu and I promptly finished with him. Most MNers agreed that it was totally unacceptable to speak to a partnered like that.

However, having had a big discussion with him and talking it over with RL friends I am prepared to accept that in the heat of the moment and if an apology is forthcoming (which it was eventually) then you don't have to make this a huge deal.

An assertive "if you want me to listen, don't speak to me like that." and if he persists tell him you are not having any sort of discussion until he calms down and talks to you respectfully. That's my plan anyway!

DoingItForMyself Sat 30-Nov-13 15:59:14

Sorry, second part of my message was for OP.

Be careful and make sure it's what you want, not what you think you should want. It's easy to get swept along in a sea of LTBs but don't make any rash decisions.

Only you know what the situation is actually like and while we can all advise on how we might handle the same situation, only you know how much of your relationship is good and how much is bad and also how you may speak to him sometimes (which I conveniently blanked out a bit).

Perhaps think about a break to get your head straight and show that you're having serious doubts without the knee jerk reaction of leaving?

fifi669 Sat 30-Nov-13 16:16:08

Just out of fairness, are they your savings as in you both contribute equally to the household expenses and you put some away? Or he contributes more so you have leftover money for you to save in your account for your joint deposit? I'd be pretty miffed if I were him and it was the latter.

Finola1step Sat 30-Nov-13 16:21:32

So he's a crap partner who can't be trusted to look after his own child without being reminded to give him a bottle.

Get out quick. Keep your savings for you and your son. I don't care if he's had to put more in to the monthly budget so that the savings can build up. Take the money and run. You owe this man nothing. You owe your child a calm, secure, loving and peaceful environment in which to grow up in.

jasmineramsden Sat 30-Nov-13 17:09:32

What Doingitformyself said.

TheCrumpetQueen Sat 30-Nov-13 19:08:38

No it's my inheritance. I have squat left over after bills and food etc

Thanks for the replies I appreciate it

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