Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Have i been single so long that i have lost touch with what is socially acceptable?

(64 Posts)
leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 09:03:16

This isnt a dating nor relationship question.

Ive been on my own for 5 years, this will be my sixth christmas on my own.
Ive taken to buying a few things for myself, One for DD to wrap and give me, one from the pets and then a few from ' father christmas'.

This all came about because a few years ago when DD was about 4 she asked why i had nothing to open christmas morning and assumed i must have been ' bad' Since then ive just got myself a few bits and i dont think anything of it.

Got myself a new toaster, mentioned to a friend i wanted to use it now but was putting it away to give myself for xmas and she burst out laughing, properly, tears down her face.

My family also reacted the same way.

Im just wondering if ive totally lost the plot here.

Maybe your friend was laughing because it was a toaster and you were dying to use it but 'saving' it for the big day. I can see how that could be funny. I cried my eyes out when I was given a lasagne dish for my birthday. I was very pregnant and hormonal at the time which may have had something to do with it but I usually stuff practical type presents with some chocolates or something.

As a lone parent myself I always had presents from DS, XP and a few friends to open in the morning and I wonder why your friend does not make sure you have something from her on the day - especially since she knows you are doing this for your DD's sake - which is lovely.

Cathycat Mon 02-Dec-13 10:21:43

The relatives were over the top I mean, not you.

Cathycat Mon 02-Dec-13 10:19:09

I completely understand! I love nothing more than to treat myself to bits and bobs from places like Dunhelm. I got really excited by a new cookery book stand the other day. Sad but true. Some of us love to make our homes look nice. And the relatives probably expected you to laugh at yourself too, as you are being sensible but perhaps a bit over the top and insensitive.

ALittleStranger Mon 02-Dec-13 10:11:00

I think you're perfectly normal.

I also don't think a toaster is funny in its own right. Lots of people like having attractive kitchen appliances, I frequently ask for saucepans etc. And toast is life-enhancing.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 02-Dec-13 10:07:39

Op I think you sound lovely and not in the slightest bit odd. I only wish I had thought of it. Tell your silly friend that you'll be having a ford with Father Christmas about her!!!

springyticktack Mon 02-Dec-13 10:05:07

btw I buy christmas/stocking presents all year - for other people and for myself. I put them aside, which is why I forget a lot of them. When Christmas comes around I don't have any huge expenses - apart from the tree. And the turkey. And stamps - and we all have plenty of presents.

I'm seriously pissed off at your friend's/family's reaction tbh.

springyticktack Mon 02-Dec-13 09:55:46

How rude and insensitive of your friend! And your bloody family. I don't find it funny at all - I love practical presents. Where's her present to you for under the tree then?

here's what I learnt about christmas presents for myself: if you give yourself nothing, the kids think you're nothing. They get the idea that you're worth nothing, not real somehow. I do the whole shebang: I get a stocking full to the brim with amazingly appropriate presents (which the kids wrap the night before. I've forgotten a lot of them ). My present pile is the same width and circumference as theirs. I also expect a proper present from them ie something that cost them in some way. I also save presents I'm given and put them under the tree to open on the day with the kids.

Your toaster sounds fab, all gleamy fsmile . Your 'friend' can fuck off. Is she single? Spend more time with LPs who get it.

JustAnotherFucker Mon 02-Dec-13 09:34:38

Just wanted to add to the LPs who buy themselves presents. I am never disappointed on Christmas morning since being single wink

I do know some of my lot have laughed too, although never in a mean way!

Last year we were away from Christmas eve and I had forgotten my PJ's. Friend we were with is tiny compared to me so didn't have any lends. She laughed her head off when I opened one of the gifts I'd brought down and got my new PJ's out grin

VenusDeWillendorf Mon 02-Dec-13 09:26:42

I think maybe the actual "toaster" is funny, a bit?
Maybe her pal wasn't being malicious and witchy, but just surprised about the toaster! After all it's the ubiquitous duplicated wedding present- it's legendary for being an unwanted gift.

I love the idea of putting together a stocking of things you already have. I remember we used to do that when we were kids. Recently bought lipstick and nail varnish would go in as well as other little things- perfume samples and craft beads etc. We saved our money for the January sales!!

Fwiw, I buy all my presents myself, and then unwrap them to everyone's surprise!
Last year I had strep throat just coming up to Christmas, and didn't have a chance to get anything, and my DH went to Maplins and bought me a quilted man's XL jacket with some kind of heated wires over my boobs with a switch to heat them up in the pocket. I'm still laughing...... He thought it would be handy for my trips to the playground, to keep me warm.. The mind boggles on so may levels. [:D]

RedPencils Sat 30-Nov-13 15:30:32

I usually write a list of auggestions and dh buys something off it. Seeing as we have a joint account, I'm sort of also paying for it. Buying your own present is kind of the same thing.
A toaster is kind of funny though, not tears streaming down your face funny. My bro is the king of practical gifts. He once bought my sister a car maintenance kit including a six pack of deicer.

3mum Sat 30-Nov-13 15:09:11

Another LP here. It will be my second Christmas alone with the children. I'm selling the rings my ex-H bought me when we were married and using them to buy myself a huge funky cocktail ring which I really want. I'll be wrapping that and opening it Christmas morning!

equisiy Sat 30-Nov-13 15:08:07

I think your friend sounds insensitive. Lovely idea - guess if there was something else you really wanted or could afford to treat yourself to then maybe your freind wouldn't laugh or maybe friend is just insensitive. Hope you can resist opening it before xmas. I opened a book before xmas (long story) but am resisting looking through it until xmas day grin

Lavenderhoney Sat 30-Nov-13 15:03:22

Your friend was rather thoughtless, and your family. I hope she/ they pops out and gets you a little something. If you get them anything, make sure its Tupperware.

Could you get someone who knows and likes you or- select some things on a wish list on amazon or notonthehighstreet and ask your dd to pick one and order it for you with a friend helping with the buying? Or she could go shopping with a friend and friends mum and get you something? You could give her a list and tell her to pick one thing, then she could wrap it up?

I don't see what's wrong with it at all. And your toaster sounds lovelysmile

chipshop Sat 30-Nov-13 14:54:41

Nothing to laugh at. A friend of mine is single and is buying herself Christmas presents for under the tree. It's a great idea.

kickassangel Sat 30-Nov-13 14:16:00

Now I'm laughing at myself asi have toaster envy. Funny what you get excited about when you're a grown up.

When we moved to th US we had absolutely no money at all, not a penny to spare, and no credit cards or anything, so dh and I got things we already owned and wrapped them up, then acted excited on Christmas Day. It was all for the benefit of dd who was 5.

Glad you have some chocolate, that makes me feel better.

Op I got my sister a simlar toaster for a xmas pressie and she loved it when I was a Lp I brought myself microwave a hoover a fridge a new brolly all diff years but they were needed I still do my own stocking too tolietires from last weeks shopping have been known to be wrapped up I used to buy small box of chocs from the elves to me on behalf of my dds I wrote a little note saying that they knew I was good that year and they did a whip round my dds didnt belive in santa but liked the elves

SilverOldie Sat 30-Nov-13 13:07:42

Your friend is an idiot - sounds great to me.

I'm single and yesterday treated myself to an early Christmas present - a World of Warcraft pet I've wanted for ages smile

bordellosboheme Sat 30-Nov-13 12:59:20

I think your friend has lost the plot, not you smile

leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 12:57:19

ah, im pleased about the toaster, its a big, 4 slice thingy, all shiney red and chrome. Mine broke a year ago, ive been borrowing one that came out of my mums shed.

I dont think its that bad of a present, i dont mind practical presents too, id die with happyness if anyone ever brought me a red kitchen aid.

Ive got a cd and a chocolate reindeer and ill grab something else too. Its fine.

We will have a nice christmas, and its more for DD, than about what the present is that im giving myself.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 30-Nov-13 12:33:01

It depends on the toaster.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 30-Nov-13 12:29:36

Nothing wrong with that at all!! Toasters not the most glamourous pressie though! smile

Anniegetyourgun Sat 30-Nov-13 12:15:36

I tell you what's really sad. Not someone buying presents for themselves for Christmas rather than just, you know, buying them - that sounds fine. Gives you something to look forward to and makes Christmas a bit more special. What's sad is laughing at a friend or family member who doesn't get any presents. Why don't you get any? Because these amused people are too tight to give you presents, that's why. Bastards. I hope the laughter is masking a small secret whisper of guilt.

Trills Sat 30-Nov-13 12:15:30

Because - it's a toaster. It makes toast.

I would laugh at the toaster side of it but I would probably also buy you a small something so you had another thing to unwrap.

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 12:13:23

I agree with tallwivglasses. I'd seriously reconsider the friendship. Also get yourself something else as well if you can. In fact lets all lps and others who want to get ourselves some chocs or something and have them xmas day while raising a wine to all the others in the same position smile

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 12:10:53

I don't think looking forward to new toaster is funny at all hmmwhy not. I would too smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now