Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Have i been single so long that i have lost touch with what is socially acceptable?

(64 Posts)
leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 09:03:16

This isnt a dating nor relationship question.

Ive been on my own for 5 years, this will be my sixth christmas on my own.
Ive taken to buying a few things for myself, One for DD to wrap and give me, one from the pets and then a few from ' father christmas'.

This all came about because a few years ago when DD was about 4 she asked why i had nothing to open christmas morning and assumed i must have been ' bad' Since then ive just got myself a few bits and i dont think anything of it.

Got myself a new toaster, mentioned to a friend i wanted to use it now but was putting it away to give myself for xmas and she burst out laughing, properly, tears down her face.

My family also reacted the same way.

Im just wondering if ive totally lost the plot here.

nopanicandverylittleanxiety Sat 30-Nov-13 09:37:16

I think it is a lovely idea. One of my friends does this with pandora charms. She actually gets a surprise, because she leaves the shop for a minute and the girls in there help her ds to choose one.

I'm a single mum and if a spent xmas at home I would do the same as her. But we all stay at my parents so I have presents off them to open so lack the excuse to treat myself!

leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 09:39:10

hedge - fab!! we are hopefully getting one to share between us march time. Im pleased with what ive got myself. DD will be happy and we will have a lovely time. I dont see whats wrong with it at all... Its just not nice other people mocking.

Selks Sat 30-Nov-13 09:43:18

Aw that's so sweet about getting the shop girls to help her DS choose a charm, Leopard.
And OP, I think what you're doing is a fab idea and lovely. Have a great Christmas.

HedgehogsRevenge Sat 30-Nov-13 09:49:15

No mocking is not nice at all and reflects pretty badly on the person doing it. Present/no presents, does'nt really bother me. I've got ds everything he wanted, that's all that matters to me really, did my shopping early as I've got exams next 3 weeks. Check ebay for tablets, I got mine for £75 and it's really very good, does everything I need it to.

Lweji Sat 30-Nov-13 09:53:38

If it happens again, ask them why they find it so funny.

I think it's a good idea, but then I'm in your shoes.
I've just bought a new laptop, which will be for DS and me. I think I'll wrap it up for Christmas, even though we are already using it. It will be a reminder that this was our mutual main gift (paid by me smile ).
DS will still have a couple of smaller gifts and I'll try to encourage him to buy me something chocolates.

Meglet Sat 30-Nov-13 09:58:40

Sounds like a good idea to me. I don't have presents under the tree because we visit family later and on Boxing Day. I do feel a bit silly sitting there like a lemon while the dc's open their presents.

Maybe father christmas will bring me some new running trainers.....

HerlockSholmes Sat 30-Nov-13 10:00:11

i think it's nice to let your daughter see you having something nice to open along with her on christmas day, if it's things you need and want what's wrong with wrapping them up so you can open presents together?

your friend was insensitive to react like that but maybe she doesn't understand what it's like being a lone parent at christmas.

i never used to see the point in wrapping yourself a present then opening it but i'm doing it this year so i can join in with ds smile

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 10:45:46

another lp who buys herself presents here smile perfectly normal IMO. I'd be giving myself another gift which is more sympathetic friends in 2014 wink that 'friend' sounds very immature and insensitive, sorry.

And have as lovely a christmas as possible OP thanks wine cake

PigOnRollerskates Sat 30-Nov-13 10:57:14

Another LP who does this. I do get a few other pressies eg from my parents but I don't usually get them on the day, so the morning can seem a bit sparse. We normally see exP and his partner on the day for joint pressie opening, and they are pretty good at getting something from DD for me to open, but it's nice if my pile doesn't look much smaller than theirs.

DD is 12 now and is good at making pressies for all the grown ups eg decorating mugs, pictures in frames etc.

When she was little, I used to encourage her to make her dad and stepmum a nice picture, then creep out the room and she would usually think for herself to make me one. I'd much rather have a home-made gift.

Another year she made a christmas tree dec out of hama beads at after school club which they helped her to wrap up. I still love it and it always has pride of place.

Depending on the age of your child, you could help / hint that she might like to make something. If she's anything like my DD she won't think about it for herself and then be gutted on the day that she hasn't got you anything.

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 11:07:33

ps I normally get myself something like a dvd or book & chocs so i have something to look forward to over xmas when dcs not here smile

AnnieOats Sat 30-Nov-13 11:54:46

I do the same. It's great as I get exactly what I want and my DS's have something to give me on Christmas morning.

Your friend doesn't sound very nice. I'll bet that she's not in the same position as you and has a DP/DH to get presents for her.

Tears rolling down her face? I'd have told her to fuck off. Seriously.

Trills Sat 30-Nov-13 12:08:55

Wrapping up something for yourself is nice.

Looking forward to your new toaster is a bit funny though.

thenicknameiwantedisgone Sat 30-Nov-13 12:09:19

Not a LP here but I think it sounds like a good idea. You deserve presents as much as anyone else.

I think anyone that laughs at that is really insensitive and quite out of order.

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 12:10:53

I don't think looking forward to new toaster is funny at all hmmwhy not. I would too smile

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 12:13:23

I agree with tallwivglasses. I'd seriously reconsider the friendship. Also get yourself something else as well if you can. In fact lets all lps and others who want to get ourselves some chocs or something and have them xmas day while raising a wine to all the others in the same position smile

Trills Sat 30-Nov-13 12:15:30

Because - it's a toaster. It makes toast.

I would laugh at the toaster side of it but I would probably also buy you a small something so you had another thing to unwrap.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 30-Nov-13 12:15:36

I tell you what's really sad. Not someone buying presents for themselves for Christmas rather than just, you know, buying them - that sounds fine. Gives you something to look forward to and makes Christmas a bit more special. What's sad is laughing at a friend or family member who doesn't get any presents. Why don't you get any? Because these amused people are too tight to give you presents, that's why. Bastards. I hope the laughter is masking a small secret whisper of guilt.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 30-Nov-13 12:29:36

Nothing wrong with that at all!! Toasters not the most glamourous pressie though! smile

Anniegetyourgun Sat 30-Nov-13 12:33:01

It depends on the toaster.

leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 12:57:19

ah, im pleased about the toaster, its a big, 4 slice thingy, all shiney red and chrome. Mine broke a year ago, ive been borrowing one that came out of my mums shed.

I dont think its that bad of a present, i dont mind practical presents too, id die with happyness if anyone ever brought me a red kitchen aid.

Ive got a cd and a chocolate reindeer and ill grab something else too. Its fine.

We will have a nice christmas, and its more for DD, than about what the present is that im giving myself.

bordellosboheme Sat 30-Nov-13 12:59:20

I think your friend has lost the plot, not you smile

SilverOldie Sat 30-Nov-13 13:07:42

Your friend is an idiot - sounds great to me.

I'm single and yesterday treated myself to an early Christmas present - a World of Warcraft pet I've wanted for ages smile

starsandunicorns Sat 30-Nov-13 13:12:20

Op I got my sister a simlar toaster for a xmas pressie and she loved it when I was a Lp I brought myself microwave a hoover a fridge a new brolly all diff years but they were needed I still do my own stocking too tolietires from last weeks shopping have been known to be wrapped up I used to buy small box of chocs from the elves to me on behalf of my dds I wrote a little note saying that they knew I was good that year and they did a whip round my dds didnt belive in santa but liked the elves

kickassangel Sat 30-Nov-13 14:16:00

Now I'm laughing at myself asi have toaster envy. Funny what you get excited about when you're a grown up.

When we moved to th US we had absolutely no money at all, not a penny to spare, and no credit cards or anything, so dh and I got things we already owned and wrapped them up, then acted excited on Christmas Day. It was all for the benefit of dd who was 5.

Glad you have some chocolate, that makes me feel better.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now