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Lovely new man-but heres the bad bit..

(141 Posts)
memorylapse Sat 23-Nov-13 19:06:14

met a nice guy on a dating site..after a few disastrous dates with others..we had a lot in common and I was attracted to him..he invited me out to see a band a few days lately and after a lovely evening..he walked me home..he is 46..he seperated from his wife last year who he was with for thirteen years..she was ten years younger....

He told me he fancied me and wanted to see me again..all looking good..he leaned in to kiss me then proceeded to kiss me like they did in the old black and white movies!..pursed lips..just kind of wiggled his head around..I couldnt really kiss him back because it just wasnt possible..it was completely weird..that last time I was kissed like that I was 14!

so is this a really bad sign..he wants me to go round tonight..but if he kisses me like that again I will scream..and Im really unsure about taking things further..which is a shame because I really liked him..but it was honestly like kissing a piece of cardboard..there was no response..just pursed lips..bit of a damp squid..but he seems really into me..

memorylapse Mon 13-Jan-14 16:48:36

Yep, I had years of lies from my H and my self esteem ended up in my shoes, this man is obviously not over his wife, she isnt coming back, she is happily moved on, but that is irrelevant, he cannot try and use me as a comfort blanket to get over the heartbreak, I am not so heartless as to dump him by text or phone..I do not think he is being manipulative but simply not ready for another relationship right now, I am due to go there tomorrow although its anyones guess if he still wants me there as I dont hear anything from him unless I initiate, but I will go and explain that I dont want to see him again..I am not the woman I was before and I can very cheerfully walk away from something this new

Lweji Mon 13-Jan-14 11:42:21

Yes, I think so too.
I was reading your entire thread again this morning and it was full of insecurity on your part, caused by him.

You really don't want that.

memorylapse Mon 13-Jan-14 11:25:38

I feel pretty gutted but I will not tolerate being lied to, if he can lie about something like that, what else has he lied to me about..I am well rid

HappyGoLuckyGirl Mon 13-Jan-14 10:21:29

Agree with Hissy.

Well done on making that decision. Sorry though. It always sucks when something doesn't work out the way you were hoping.

wine and thanks

Hissy Mon 13-Jan-14 10:14:31

Love, you have been deceived by your ex (NOT your fault) and now this guy is being economical with the truth.

OK, OK, so it may have been through embarrassment, humiliation at having been cheated on, but you have a right to the truth to be able to make educated decisions.

If you can't trust him now, then it doesn't bode well.

The hot and cold business is alarming too. That's potentially manipulative, or signs that he's still not ready/hung up as you have said.

In ending this, you are making the right decision. Too much is wrong here. For whatever reason.

memorylapse Mon 13-Jan-14 09:23:11

I strongly suspect from her facebook page that she was having an affair and thats why she left, he told me she moved out as they were having a trial seperation in December 2012..that they then met up a few times to discuss possible reconciliation, she had moved three hours away to her parents..then he told me she asked to come back in the summer but then changed her mind when he wouldnt cancel a sponsored walk he had been training for , for a few months..that contact was sporadic from that point on wards until Oct when he didnt have any more contact with her..however..when I first met him, he said that his wife moved out, it was mutual, they fell out of love with each other, the end..it now looks like she was having an affair, moved away to gather her thoughts, but got together with this guy just a few months later so was obviously dangling the carrot of reconciliation in her husbands face, before finally ending it, so I would say, he is pretty heart broken and given that it is so recent, there is no way he can be over her..I would say looking at her fb that she is pretty over him for definate, but I suspect deep down, he is clinging onto the hope she will come back and I am just a stop gap..having slept on it, I have decided to end this before it goes further, otherwise I will be the one who ends up heart broken

HappyGoLuckyGirl Mon 13-Jan-14 08:15:19

Hissy - I don't think it would be fair to presume to know why his marriage ended. It sounds like his wife left him for someone else, we can't speculate why.

Memory - have you spoken to him about why he lied to you? Hope you can put self preservation before any emotional attachment you might have to this guy.

Hoping there is a good explanation and that all stays well. smile

Hissy Mon 13-Jan-14 07:34:26

Jesus christ! End this today.

The reasons his wife left seem to be increasingly justified.

You can't have a relationship with a liar.

I agree with Lweji, it just doesn't sound right. Leave him now before you're too emotionally involved.

Lweji Mon 13-Jan-14 06:30:29

Are you sure you're in self-preservation mode?
It sounds more like you are in hope mode and that's not a good start.

He's blowing hot and cold, lied about his ex's name, when they separated and the reason for it.

Get rid of him now before you get hurt.

MillyRules Mon 13-Jan-14 02:41:37

Glad things are working out but if i were you i would stop the initiating and let him do it. You will feel that he really wants to be with you if he initiates dates rather than you.

FluffyJumper Mon 13-Jan-14 02:01:54

Hmm, well that sounds a bit dodgy - but so long as you're seeing him as a diversion rather than for keeps, then no harm.

Maybe you should just think of him as your rebound?

memorylapse Sun 12-Jan-14 23:48:17

I am treading very carefully as he blows hot and cold with me and for some bizarre reason he lied to me about his wifes name..then I discovered to my shock that we had a mutual friend on facebook..and discovered the story he told me about their break up wasnt quite true..it wasnt a mutual seperation..but actually looks like she left him for someone else and a lot later than he told me..he had in fact only been seperated from his wife for a few months but it looks like she has well and truly moved on..so self preservation mood is in full force..I do not wish to be someones rebound

redundantandbitter Sun 12-Jan-14 23:18:01

F A B

birdybear Sun 12-Jan-14 22:28:57

Glad you updated !

hermionepotter Sun 12-Jan-14 22:16:50

smile good news! I love an update OP, glad it's going well

memorylapse Sun 12-Jan-14 21:03:25

just an update-still going strong, after an initial glitch, we see each other about twice a week,no idea where its going to go, if at all, will just take it as it comes

memorylapse Wed 04-Dec-13 19:15:05

Ah well..it was nice while it lasted..

redundantandbitter Wed 04-Dec-13 19:07:05

Huh? Nooooooo

memorylapse Wed 04-Dec-13 18:40:56

Well after a lovely night..heard nothing more...no arrangements made to see each other again...sent him a friendly text late afternoon..and got very non commital thanks for a great night..text back..but that was it..he doesnt really contact me much and I often have to initiate it..am kind of thinking..he sees me as a friends with benefits kind of thing which wasn't what I wanted

Utterly Wed 04-Dec-13 18:33:43

Why is it not going anywhere?

Utterly Wed 04-Dec-13 18:33:27

Why is it not going anywhere?

memorylapse Wed 04-Dec-13 18:22:51

Well sadly..looks like it is not going anywhere..I don't expect to hear from him again..never mind..

sicily1921 Tue 03-Dec-13 16:29:44

Oops sorry, didn't see the later thread, I'm glad all worked out! smile

sicily1921 Tue 03-Dec-13 16:28:32

memory give the guy a chance, he might just be really nervous!
Wishing you all the best with him seriously, if he's so nice you need to 'suck it and see' if you'll pardon the expression.

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