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He hit me

(132 Posts)
ontherocks Sat 23-Nov-13 08:54:01

Last night my boyfriend slapped me 4 times. I'm upset, in shock.

I've recently left a marriage and have 2 children. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months. He's slapped me a couple of times before but we've spoken, dealt with the issue and moved on. The children are not involved, they don't even know I'm/was seeing someone.

He called me a whore and hit me because another man had spoken to me in a shop, no flirting or anything.

He's screamed at me that it's over, I left after being knocked off my feet after the 4th slap.

Thing is I'm devastated. What's wrong with me? I would never tolerate this before yet I'm hoping he'll get in touch and apologise. I just needed to get this down as my heart is pounding, I feel sick and I need to put on a brave face for my children and act like nothing's happened. They were staying with my parents last night as was I.

annhathaway Sat 23-Nov-13 18:03:03

Agree. Women's Aid is not the police but it's outside support that I think you'd find helpful.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Sat 23-Nov-13 18:05:11

The Freedom Programme can be done online and it is very good indeed.

Do what you have to and what you can do just now.

You know the police is an option.
Maybe contacting Women's Aid is a bit less scary?

And yy to Freedom Program - £10 to do in online, and tbh even the free taster bits are v v revealing sad. Have a look: Here's my linkie again

I hope you have good company and cake and wine tonight x.

Well done Rocks. flowers

BasilDalekEater Sun 24-Nov-13 15:02:49

"If you don't work out why you thought it was OK to stay with a man that hit you in order for him to do it again, then you're in very grave danger of ending up with someone similar again. It's not your fault at all, but it does have to be tackled."

This. This is really good advice OP.

Once this immediate flurry has passed and you've had some time to think about it and feel you can face up to it, it would be a really good idea to do some reading, go to a counsellor (GP will refer you), do the Freedom Programme - whatever works for you.

Also Women's Aid have a forum where you can discuss with other women (anonymously) what has happened so that you can have some insight into why you accepted his violence first time round and avoid men like him in the future.

There are loads of different ways to ensure you never go through something like this again. I hope you find one that works for you.

thanks

ChelseaBun Sun 24-Nov-13 15:31:23

Hi on the rocks, please go and have a look at the Womens Aid messageboard. There you will see women who have been through it - and I hope it will help you to make sense of what has happened to you.

I know exactly how you feel - have been there - and I took him back too many times. I can guarantee he will not give up and will try to win you round again with apologies and promises it won't happen again.

I can guarantee - it WILL happen again. And it will escalate. The only way forward is no contact. As you say you have to see him, keep conversation to a minimum.

And if it helps, tell him you intend to go to the police if he so much as rings you or contacts you again.

He will not attack you if someone is with you - these men don't like proof that they are abusers.

I should have walked the first time he hit me - now I'm waiting to give evidence at his trial for a vicious sexual attack he carried out on me. All this along with PTSD from his attack.

One thing I do know, when you take them back, you are subconsciously telling them that hitting you is acceptable.

Be strong and when you get sentimental and think about his nice qualities, pull yourself back and picture the nasty look on his face when he knocked you off your feet.

Lacoba66 Sun 24-Nov-13 22:50:26

Please remember that it's not you that "needs to work it out in your head"- are you replaying it and thinking "what did I/ or what could I have done differently to have stopped this"? NOTHING! He is the one with the problem.

When will he have slapped you too hard, or god forbid, the children will witness this? Please love yourself more and realise your worth, as no one deserves this treatment.

Take care x

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