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He hit me

(132 Posts)
ontherocks Sat 23-Nov-13 08:54:01

Last night my boyfriend slapped me 4 times. I'm upset, in shock.

I've recently left a marriage and have 2 children. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months. He's slapped me a couple of times before but we've spoken, dealt with the issue and moved on. The children are not involved, they don't even know I'm/was seeing someone.

He called me a whore and hit me because another man had spoken to me in a shop, no flirting or anything.

He's screamed at me that it's over, I left after being knocked off my feet after the 4th slap.

Thing is I'm devastated. What's wrong with me? I would never tolerate this before yet I'm hoping he'll get in touch and apologise. I just needed to get this down as my heart is pounding, I feel sick and I need to put on a brave face for my children and act like nothing's happened. They were staying with my parents last night as was I.

Of course you feel awful - you've been through a lot by the sounds of it and you have just been assaulted, not for the first time.

Report him to the police.
Get some counselling support arranged for yourself to find you own self again - you know, the person who knows how wrong it is to hit anybody, the person who knows she deserved better that this, the person, who trusts her own judgments.

Poor you sad.
If you cannot avoid seeing him (?place of work), then it is even more important that you report him and even consider being v upfront to others there about what happened. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, it's him who should be hanging his head in shame (but probably won't). Get him charged with assault.

If you see him again (he may come back and apologise and say all the right things), he will hit you again and harder.

Be kind to yourself. And do the right thing by your children. Get out.

There is nothing for you to work out - he is a dangerous wanker. Get rid.

AliceinWinterWonderland Sat 23-Nov-13 09:10:50

Yes, if it is work, make sure you tell someone, perhaps your supervisor or someone in HR and point out that you are worried there may be repercussions from him when police contact him. That way they will keep an eye on things.

Do not meet with him, talk to him, or be alone with him.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 23-Nov-13 09:10:51

Of course you can't work it out!!! That's because it's totally abnormal to hit another person.

Please please, tell someone in rl today. Tell someone who'll be kind to you today and talk it through and give you tlc.

Please, please, please don't stay with him. If you need motivation for this, just think about your children. What if he hit them? What if he does it again, knocks you off your feet and you hit your head and get seriously injured??? What happens to your kids then??

Please- you can't be with someone who does this. You know that so please be strong and stay away from him.

stickysausages Sat 23-Nov-13 09:11:04

Firstly, I'm so sorry you've gone through this sad

Of course you're upset, not only has a relationship ended, but you've been violently attacked & will be in shock about that.

Please report him, if you don't I worry he might think it's ok to get back in touch, or to threaten/bully you in future.

Be kind to yourself, don't suffer in silence. Without wanting to sound crass, you've had a 'lucky' escape, both from a physical point of view, but also before you invested any more in the relationship thanks

MichaelaS Sat 23-Nov-13 09:11:17

Please report him to the police. It is best for everyone, including him. Best he gets pulled up in this rather than waiting until he hospitalises or kills someone, the shock might make him get help and change.

Best for you to draw a firm boundary of not tolerating this, and to get advice on coping with him is you do have to see him most days.

And best by far for any future partners of his that he is called out on his behaviour now rather than allowed to go unchallenged.

Sorry this has happened to you OP. I agree with the others, in that it will only get worse.

If you take him back, and allow this relationship to develop, ,at some point in the future he will meet your children. Develop some kind of relationship with them (good or bad) What will he do if he disagrees with one of them? Slap them?

This man is not worth your time. Please don't accept him back.

stickysausages Sat 23-Nov-13 09:12:32

Also, this shows that you shouldn't ignore the warning signs. He hit you before, it wasn't a one off.

Monetbyhimself Sat 23-Nov-13 09:17:35

You have been assaulted. Of course you are shaken. You can call the police on the non emergency number.

But for your sake and your childrens, you must not let him worm his way back to you. You deserve so much more. I wish I'd had the wisdom of MN 20 years ago. My life might have been so very different.

Vivacia Sat 23-Nov-13 09:23:07

It sounds to me as though you're in shock. I would be in shock if somebody did something so surprising, violent and painful.

I second everyone's advice to ring the police and report the assualt.

ontherocks Sat 23-Nov-13 09:28:44

Thank you all. I'm on my phone and sorting out my children so apologies for any delay. I just feel so completely lost. What's wrong with me? I know he would be up now and yet he's not even bothered to apologise. I don't even get that. I know it's over, I couldn't go back but why do I want him to say sorry to me? Feel like I'm going mad sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 23-Nov-13 09:36:15

There's nothing wrong with you but you really should report the assault to the police. He's clearly a manipulative as well as abusive man and that type is a) very very dangerous and b) capable of convincing you that being assaulted is not his responsibility. You want him to say sorry to you because you want to believe he cares. He doesn't.

If you don't report him to the police it sounds like you will be creeping about avoiding him. If anyone else had treated you this way, you wouldn't hesitate.

redundantandbitter Sat 23-Nov-13 09:41:50

This is a police issue now. I can't urge you enough to report him. It's not the first time. You MUST not allow him back in your life. He has probably done this before and will certainly do it again . Please call the police . Tell them your concerns over seeing him. There are things they can put in place . Do it today. Please.

What cogito said.

There is nothing wrong with you - other than that you were hit.
There is quite a lot wrong with him.

He may apologise, only to draw you back in. Not because he regrets his actions or because he actually cares.

pictish Sat 23-Nov-13 09:50:17

OP - tough love time.
You need to get a grip of yourself. Your self esteem is so low, that you imagine that it can only fulfilled and validated by this piece of shit.
You are better than that.

Fuck his apologies and fuck this ludicrous sham of a relationship. You're a few months in for God's sake. He does not have to feature in your life with his violence and control, treating you like a fucking muppet and slapping you about.

If this is what he's like a few months in, he will end up battering you. And you with kids in the house as well.
Wake up from your selfish neediness, and see this for what it is. An abomination.
Come on now!

extracrunchy Sat 23-Nov-13 09:51:48

Get out now - and report him if you can! This is months into your relationship. Imagine how he'd be if you were properly settled. There is no long term prospect here - do you want this man around your children?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. This man doesn't deserve to be within 100 feet of you.

pictish Sat 23-Nov-13 09:56:52

I disagree that there is nothing wrong with you. There is obviously something needing fixed if you are sitting there waiting for a new boyfriend who has belted you six times in the last few months, to phone up and make his worthless apologies, so you can carry on seeing him.

You need help with this OP. I'm going to suggest starting with Women's Aid 0808 2000 247.

You need support and help to pick yourself back up from the treatment you have endured, and obviously feel the need to tolerate. You owe yourself and your children a sense of self worth. I really hope you are able to seek the assistance you need.

I'm not even going to elaborate further on him, because there is nothing to say. He is not fit to lick your boots.

tribpot Sat 23-Nov-13 09:57:09

He's playing you, so that by the time his "non-apology apology" comes in you are so desperate for contact from him that you're willing to take any old shite he comes up with. Most likely "I'm sorry that I am so in love with you that I get jealous when you talk to other men" or "I'm sorry that you drove me to it, I know you won't let that happen again if you care about me".

Please call Women's Aid. There is a pattern here. He's slapped you 'a couple of times' before - what the hell could he possibly have said the second time that made that seem okay?? You tolerated it so he's escalated. And very rapidly as well - you've been seeing this guy for a few months?? Imagine what he'll be capable of when you've been together for a year.

You've been assaulted. Call the police. Tell your parents. Do not be ashamed and afraid, that's what he wants. You're craving affection after the end of your marriage. He knows that, and he's exploiting your vulnerability.

pictish Sat 23-Nov-13 09:59:15

Agree with Trib.

Have a look at the Freedom Programme.

I agree that your perception of your self-worth is skewed, but there's nothing wrong with for for not understanding why he is doing these things. That is for him to figure out, not you.

pictish Sat 23-Nov-13 10:03:57

Absolutely.

GinAndIt Sat 23-Nov-13 10:05:08

I never post on these threads but, OP, this has made my jaw drop.

You must never, ever return to this man. His 'apology', if it ever comes, is worth nothing. He is worth nothing.

He has already hit you SIX times. This last time for talking to someone in a shop.

You haven't dealt with any issue, or moved on. Because you can't. This will NEVER get better. This is NOT salvageable. Please don't ever fool yourself into thinking that it might be.

You're not stupid or weak or pathetic. But you are in a very dangerous place. You need to get your head straight, right now, report him and phone women's aid.

There is absolutely no going back from this. This kind of man could kill you.

Please stay away from him, or have people around at the place you go.

My father was/is like this. It won't change.

Only1scoop Sat 23-Nov-13 10:09:52

Op please stop "trying to work this out in your head" there is nothing to work out. He is a violent control freak who if you stay with him ....will wear you down and make you feel like its you. You will walk on egg shells....loose friends and very possibly end up in hospital.

I am speaking from an experience I had and it started EXACTLY like this. I didn't have children at the time. You are a mother....do not have anything to do with him. You do not have to see this person everyday. Make sure you don't.

I called Police when the slaps turned to punches and he broke my jaw. I wish I'd never waited that long.

I'm sorry this post is a little brutal but I could have written your post 10 years ago.

Preciousbane Sat 23-Nov-13 10:16:00

Please do speak to Womens aid they will assist you practically with stuff like reporting to the police but also help you emotionally. Understanding why you feel the way you do is the first step of not getting involved with abusive men and sadly there is frequently a pattern. You have been out with two abusive men and be careful not to minimise your ex H behaviour. Just because he didn't hit you doesn't make it ok.

Also don't risk your dc being exposed to violence. Because I grew up in a violent household when my first H hit me I thought it was normal and suffered for 7 years at the hands of the bastard.

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