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Husband looks at graphic porn but shows no interest in me

(31 Posts)
ukshelly Sat 23-Nov-13 03:23:28

I've spent hours in tears after discovering my husband has been secretly looking at graphic porn secretly. He never comes to bed with me-he snores like a hog so has slept on the sofa-I constantly ask him to get help about it as I miss us not going to bed together and having the closeness but it doesn't seem to bother him, sex is rare and only when I ask him for it, tho is great when it happens just not often due to constant tiredness and hating the feeling of asking him to come to bed just so get a little affection. I'm in bed and feel sick to the stomach and totally crap-whilst he seems to not care and is snoring on the sofa. Is this what a relationship is meant to be like, I truly love him and we have a wonderful little boy together but am feeling so hurt and alone right now. Xx

MistAllChuckingFrighty Sun 24-Nov-13 00:01:27

..and the plastic ladeez

ukshelly Fri 24-Jan-14 21:39:54

It's been a while and there's been quite
Some comments on this, firstly I didn't kick him out on the sofa-it was just an odd thing so I could try to get a little sleep in between little one waking without having hubby wake me also with his snoring, secondly I have nothing against porn but feel hurt that hubby chose it rather than coming to
Me first. We're battling through it but the trust element is hard-he's in Bed with me every night now causing me constant sleepless nights-waiting to see a specialist about the snoring and together trying to get through this situation. Thank you to everyone for kind and supported comments and I hope anyone who is going through similar has a bright ending. It's early days and i still hurt alot for what he's done and how he's made me feel. For the distasteful comments-maybe someone you love, trust and call your best friend might hurt you and you'll feel the need fof some support-I'm sure you would prefer people to be kind.

FastLoris Fri 24-Jan-14 22:17:51

Just want to say that those confidently talking about "sorting out the snoring" may be being naive. Snoring is a serious PRACTiCAL problem in some relationships that makes sharing a bed through the night effectively impossible.

By all means get him to a specialist. It's quite possible that something can be done. It's also very possible that it can't. Some blokes just snore - a lot, loudly - and there's fuck all they or anyone else can do about it. It's not like there's some kind of magic pill that's guaranteed to cure it.

Seeing it automatically in terms of representing other things in the relationship may not be helpful. It might just be something that just is, and you have to make the best of it if you want the relationship to continue for what it has of value. Seeing it as somehow his fault or a symptom of his failure as a husband, as some above seem to do, is a bit off IMO. It's not like he does it on purpose.

quietlysuggests Fri 24-Jan-14 22:41:34

Re snoring - my DH had a serious problem til he tried a snoring ring - works by pressing on the little finger through the night. I know it sounds like such a tiny thing cant work, and I have no time for the theory behind it - but it just worked!! Transformed our lives.

gildedcage Fri 24-Jan-14 23:41:27

hi shelley its good to hear theres been some progress, albeit that you're sleep deprived. Things have settled here but he knows now that Ismile wont accept secrets or lies! Good luck with everything x

gildedcage Fri 24-Jan-14 23:42:09

Sorry don't know what happened then x

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