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Should I be able to keep the house?

(39 Posts)
theendoftheendoftheend Fri 22-Nov-13 14:36:55

DP bought a house 6 years ago with his friends (100% mortgage, repayment only) when we found out I was expecting DC I arranged a 10 year loan for us from the housing association for a deposit for a mortgage, which secured us a mortgage on a very low % (repayments of £440 a month instead of £900 odd) and my parents paid all the fees so we could by his friends out.
When we split the first time I left him with the house, no question.
He treated it like a shit tip.
Now we are splitting for the final time I feel I want to stay in the house with the 3 DC and he should find alternative accommodation.
This is because
a) Its the DC's home
b) I know I can get it into a saleable condition, sell up (hopefully) in a few years and split the proceeds 50/50
c) Me and DC would need to rent a 3 bed place which would cost £700, an awful lot more then the mortgage
d) Its my only chance of ever getting a foot on the property ladder
AIBU?

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 22-Nov-13 21:30:40

I know and if I fuss about the house it just gives another front for him to fight me on. Thanks for everyone's advice, I have an offer of somewhere to stay as a stop gap until we can get our own place. Time to move on!

Beastofburden Fri 22-Nov-13 20:25:40

Safety first, for you and the children.

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 22-Nov-13 20:04:56

imperial you're right. Its not worth it.

ImperialBlether Fri 22-Nov-13 19:18:16

You know what? I'd just go and leave him to it. I'd ask a lawyer to get involved over a figure which you should be paid in recompense (and that should be based on today's value) - if he needs to remortgage to give you that, well, that's up to him.

My first concern would be about putting as much distance as I could between him and me.

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 22-Nov-13 19:00:22

I have spoken to women's aid, police and social services before so its all on record.
maddening no equity was paid off from his previous mortgage with his friends, as it was 100% interest only. When me and him bought it off him and his friends we got a repayment mortgage together. He thinks its his because he pre-owned it with his friends. We bought it for the same they'd paid for it so his friends walked away with nothing.
For the eighteen months we were apart and he was living here he had lodgers who paid more then the mortgage cost him each month. But obviously, I had no financial input at all during that time so not sure if that would count against me.
Like I say, I'm not sure that the pay off is going to be worth the house so I may walk away in the end. But at the same time, I don't want to be bullied any more.

fifi669 Fri 22-Nov-13 18:48:32

If he's violent then get it noted to protect yourself should things get difficult. I do think you need professional advice on this one.

ExcuseTypos Fri 22-Nov-13 18:40:03

I think you should phone woman's aid OP.

He's violent and you need to look after yourself and your children. You need proper advice.

0808 2000 247

maddening Fri 22-Nov-13 17:53:06

Mortgage paid while you lived as a couple would count as both your input - you paid other bills etc you were a couple- I mean how much he paid off equity before you moved in against how much you and your dparents put in.

Twinklestein Fri 22-Nov-13 17:26:31
Twinklestein Fri 22-Nov-13 17:26:06

I sincerely hope he does not, but if he goes for you again, you must go to the police & tell them about the previous times too. If you need an emergency injunction at any point, call the http://www.ncdv.org.uk/ & they can organise it for you (phone number is on their website). You may be able to get an occupation order to stay in the house.

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 22-Nov-13 17:21:40

Sorry, loads of spelling mistakes in that! I'm a bit stressed!

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 22-Nov-13 17:20:59

He is violent Fifi he put his hands round my throat and through me onto the bed whilst scream in in my face to Sundays ago. It was a least the 3rd time his put his hands round my neck.
He's also slapped me square in the face, banged my head on the wall, and thrown me out the house.
If he touches me once more I will phone the police and seek an injunction.
However, I hope to avoid that.
(He just stormed in, trashed my chest of drawers by throwing the drawers across the room and stormed back out with my house key. This is because I put his clothes toothbrush and shaver in a bag by the backroom hoping he'd at least sleep in there if not stay somewhere else over night blush )

fifi669 Fri 22-Nov-13 17:07:58

I didn't say he had bankrolled it. Just to expect him to rent somewhere else and pay towards the mortgage as she says it could be her only chance to own property is wrong. OP has said this wouldn't be the case though.

If there's no history of violence on either part neither of you can force the other to move out. I think you'll both need legal advice if you can't agree.

squoosh Fri 22-Nov-13 16:48:33

Your proposal sounds entirely sensible, hang on to the house for a few more years and sell when there's a chance of a profit.

I hardly see how the ex has 'bankrolled' things, he has kept the place going with the assistance of the OP and her parents.

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 22-Nov-13 16:47:35

Yes Fifi

fifi669 Fri 22-Nov-13 16:45:46

So you'll cover the mortgage by yourself, sell in a few years and give him 50:50?

EllieInTheRoom Fri 22-Nov-13 16:45:10

I don't understand why fifi is feeling sorry for a man being turfed out of his home who is far too handy with his hands.

It sounds to me as though the deal you are proposing is more than reasonable for a violent bloke who does nothing for his kids.

Fighting to stay on the property ladder is not worth putting yourself in danger though. Have any of the incidents been reported to the police?

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 22-Nov-13 16:43:27

And my ex hasn't 'bankrolled' it, but my parents have!

theendoftheendoftheend Fri 22-Nov-13 16:40:43

No he wouldn't be required to pay anything towards the mortgage, I'd cover that myself.
If we sell now, even if we find a buyer, we'd be hard pushed to break even.
If I leave him in the house he will just grow and smoke weed in it making it unsellable.
If I stay I will do it up and sell it and split any profit with him 50/50.

fifi669 Fri 22-Nov-13 16:36:40

Sell up now. I can't imagine how it'd feel to be turfed out of your home and still have to pay half the mortgage. If he's happy to go along with your plan by all means wait. If not, sell up and move on. It may be your only chance to get on the property ladder, but that doesn't mean your ex should bankroll it.

LisaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 22-Nov-13 16:15:57

Just to let you know we're moving this to Relationships at the OP's request.

MrsOakenshield Fri 22-Nov-13 15:52:29

'And far too handy with his hands IYKWIM.' shock

definitely move to relationships, you'll get a lot of good advice and support there.

lifesgreatquestions Fri 22-Nov-13 15:47:09

If you didn't have children then I would suggest dividing by percentages put in to the total bills, so including the stuff that you have bought. But you have children so this makes it 50/50. It's reasonable to want to stay in the house. I think only a court could rule against that, that it doesn't matter if he doesn't like it. It's awful having to work out through all that crap. I hope this passes as quickly as possible for you.

ExcuseTypos Fri 22-Nov-13 15:45:15

theendof you need to get legal advise. Most local solicitors will give a half an hour free app. Also the Citizens advice bureau is excellent. To can go on line and see where your local office is.

I'd also ask for this thread to be moved to Relationships. You'll get a lot of good advice there. Just report your OP to MNHQ and ask them to move it.

cestlavielife Fri 22-Nov-13 15:36:41

"he has put in the most financially as he pays the mortgage and bills " that doesnt count - it is who owns it on paper. and if you have on paper any record of you putting in the deposit or you parent contribution. otherwise it will be assumed a straight 50/50 split on any equity if it was sold.

you both have euqal rights to the house but you could go to court for occpation order for you and dc under childrens act.
the division of quiety is under trusts of lands act - the childrens bit is childrens act. it is a two pronged court case if it comes to that.... you need someone expereinced wih this to bring both togther
so

try and have session with a mediator to sort things out and draw up a short medium and long term arrangement regarding the house. otherwise court will be v expensive....

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