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Discovering that your DP/DH is cheating when you'd thought you had a good relationship

(27 Posts)
Snoozybird Mon 18-Nov-13 12:18:10

Have read a few times on MN where people have accidentally discovered their OH's affair but had thought they were happy and hadn't had any suspicions/gut instincts prior to that. Were there really no signs that things were wrong, or were they actually there but only became obvious with hindsight?

DH has never given me any reason to be suspicious of him but I get paranoid that this is all too good to be true. My exH was a cheating arse, I only had one relationship before that in which I was unwittingly the OW (only found this out after I had finished with him). I also had a brief fling shortly before meeting DH which again I realised after the event that he was either seeing or trying to hook up with other women whilst he was with me.

I genuinely think DH is a good'un, he's given me no signs of being unfaithful, however he works away occasionally so the opportunity would be there if he wanted to. How do I learn to trust, or would I be foolish for doing so?

beaglesaresweet Tue 19-Nov-13 00:01:30

sky, so can you share what you've learned about the signs?

skyeskyeskye Tue 19-Nov-13 00:14:16

Never thought anything if it at the time as trusted him totally, but:

Kept phone on him at all times, slept with it, charged it beside him, always on silent. Took it to the bathroom with him.

Kept it in the door pocket of the car rather than in the middle as usual

Starting going to bed later than me.

started popping out to the shop or his van or the utility room regularly, always with his phone

Started playing iPhone games with IW, to the point if obsession.

Started being moody and quiet

Talked about OW all the time, started criticising her H, his best friend

Started being very bad tempered with DD

All silly little things that seem obvious now but I didn't pick up on at the time as I trusted him so much. He deleted all emails and thousands of texts from her but they were all in his mobile bill.

He walked out prior to discovery having done the "I don't live you any more" speech out of nowhere. , when confronted about the contact he denied and minimised.

If I saw any of that behaviour in a future relationship I would immediately think - cheating. Sad but true.

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