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As its nearly Xmas I'm tempted to send my ex a parcel with all his pathetic gifts back...

(36 Posts)
Scarletohello Mon 18-Nov-13 01:40:44

Should I?

They were nothing special. A watch he got on eBay, a cigarette case, some leopard print leggings ( that I have never worn, yuk) and a stupid mug with hearts on and chocolates inside ( never ate the chocolates, and it was last December...)

I broke up with him Jan 1st as he was a lying cheating bastard but have found it really hard to move on. I want to send his presents back and say to him I'm sending them back as I don't want any reminders of him in my life. I also want to send him a long letter telling him all the things I still feel the need to say to him that keep going round my head, especially late at night. I asked him if he would meet me for a completion conversation in August but he said it was ' too soon' ( translate, he was too much of a coward to face me) so I've never had the opportunity to day what I needed to to his face so writing a letter is all I've got. I know it's mean doing it at Xmas time but I think it might help me finally let go... What do people think?

Don't send him anything, no gifts, no letter, nothing. It'll just make you look a big unhinged, give him a big old boost that you haven't moved on, and you will feel awful afterwards when you get no reaction from him.

sandiy Mon 18-Nov-13 18:25:15

Don t send it back because some other poor mare will end up with it He sounds like that sort of bloke.Burn it and burn it good.You will feel mush better.

wakemeupnow Mon 18-Nov-13 17:20:56

Don't do it. Keep your dignity.. but do give them away, smash them, bury them or burn them.
Get them out of your life. As soon as you let go of these objects, and say a final goodbye emotionally, you will create the space for someone new and nicer to enter your life.

Cabrinha Mon 18-Nov-13 16:32:05

Nooooooooo!
Keep your dignity. You'll regret sending it. Maybe not even for a few years, but one day you'll look back and cringe.
He won't care - it won't make him feel bad. I don't mean this harshly, I've been cheated on too. If it would make him feel bad, he wouldn't have been a lying cheating bastard type in the first place.
Charity shop / bin.
Write the letter and burn.
Don't contact him!

redundantandbitter Mon 18-Nov-13 16:21:17

Well, OP , this is me a few weeks ago. I am afraid I gave all his gifts back along with his keys. I could have given then away but I wanted him to know I'd cleared all remnants of him (except the lovely birthday digital radio obviously) and he can them have the pain in the arse job of doing summat with it all, he has a small house. Petty, I know, but like you I just felt I wanted to do something. Wasted 4 years on him.

I am in the process if writing a letter. I will
Probably send mine this weekend. But it's quite a cold analysis of his past and not really a sad , 'I still
Love you' type thing. Yeah, I appreciate it could boost his ago ('she's still thinking if me whilst I shag my
Shiny new girlfriend') but I know his Achilles heel and I have a few home truths for his 'spiritual' soul.

Write it, sit on it, ask a friend to read it. It's a long time after the event to send it.

MrTumblesKnickers Mon 18-Nov-13 16:00:17

Oh, and a big parcel of Everything You Ever Gave Me - it is also called I Am Still In Love With You.

This. He will be flattered that it's been almost a year and you're still not over him.

Give it away to charity and don't look back!

fackinell Mon 18-Nov-13 14:28:34

No, don't let him know it still bothers you. Donate the stuff to charity and move on.

MinesAPintOfTea Mon 18-Nov-13 14:08:55

Well if he was a lying prat what makes you think you would feel able to trust what he told you? He isn't going to give you that, you just have to learn to move on without it.

Jellycat43 Mon 18-Nov-13 14:07:12

I've put the remainder of my husbands stuff in a charity bag for the air ambulance. I've just watched them collect it.

It feels great that we have nothing of his in the house anymore. Fresh start.

RevelsRoulette Mon 18-Nov-13 14:03:08

Oh, and a big parcel of Everything You Ever Gave Me - it is also called I Am Still In Love With You.

all it would do is give him the biggest ego boost in the world.

RevelsRoulette Mon 18-Nov-13 14:02:20

What's a completion conversation? 'Closure'? That never ends well. All you ever get are excuses and justifications. You think anyone ever gets yes, I was a shit, I am fundamentally flawed as a human being...

You've been broken up a year?

Bin the stuff! Or burn it. Get your mates round and chuck it all outside and set fire to it. Get drunk. There's your closure right there!

He behaved how he did because he was a dick. He behaved how he wanted to. As everyone does.

Scarletohello Mon 18-Nov-13 13:59:21

Well the concensus seems to be not to send them back. Guess you are all probably right. Still want to tho. But what would it achieve? Just want to force him to think about me and make him feel a bit shit. Not very nice motives really.

I don't feel I have has proper closure as I ended it by email and so never got the answers I wanted about why he behaved how he did, made promises about us having a Future together when he never really meant it. Did he ever really love me etc. So hard to let go...sad

TorchesTorches Mon 18-Nov-13 13:40:49

An ex once sent me back things i had bought him. He thought it was a big gesture of great significance, i just thought he was a bit of a loser. Don't send them back.

CrumblyMumbly Mon 18-Nov-13 13:12:08

Give it all to a charity shop (maybe not old chocs!) - not as satisfying as a bonfire but rewarding still... This horrible year is nearly over for you - write a letter saying all you want to say to the loser then burn it and think what a lucky escape you had. You deserve better, be nice to yourself and don't give him any pleasure by letting him know you are still thinking about him. Happiness is the best revenge smile

Tuhlulah Mon 18-Nov-13 12:58:12

Sending them back in November will show that you have cherished them since January.

Too soon to talk in August? What tosh.

I agree with previous posters who have said -write the letter and then burn the lot, leggings included. You might find cutting it into little pieces satisfying.

Then try to move on, and be nice to yourself. You are obviously still upset about losing him, irrespective of his poor choice in leg wear. I sympathise totally. You cannot choose whom you fall in love with. But he will just use your letter as a notch on his belt down the pub. And think what a lucky escape he had.

Hold your head high and try to forget him. He is a coward, isn't he, too scared/immature to see you 8 months after the event, and too scared just to tell you he doesn't want to see you again. Just saying 'too soon' implies he cannot cope with the sadness of seeing you, when he probably just can't face you because it's uncomfortable, embarrassing, shaming, etc.

You ask, 'WTF is wrong with me?' You are sad and upset, and we cannot impose a timetable on recovery. You may feel like this for years. I hope not.

Holdthepage Mon 18-Nov-13 12:51:25

Write the letter, then burn it & move on. It sounds as though you want to send the gifts & letter to him so he will get in touch. You are just prolonging the agony. You will meet someone else but you have to move on emotionally first.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 18-Nov-13 12:49:15

And justto add, you poor thing. It's a horrible feeling. I split with my lying cheating ex on 8th Jan and not spoken to him since. It's nearly killed me sometimes. I've wanted to talkto him and ask him a million questions. But don't do it. You will not get honest answers to your questions. And even if you did they will only hurt you and not change anything.

I know it's hard but try not to contact him

MinesAPintOfTea Mon 18-Nov-13 12:47:08

Do you have a garden? I'd do a little ceremonial burning of anything safe to burn along with a good long letter to mark your moving on from him. Obviously will have to bin most, but seeing something going up in smoke might be more satisfying than wondering if he will respond.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 18-Nov-13 12:46:05

Do what I did. Sell what's worth selling on ebay (I'm £440+ richer!) and smash the rest of the crap stuff into smithereens

Don't send them back. That will only send hi the message "Aww she's still not over me. She still loves me". Really. That's what he'll think

wanderings Mon 18-Nov-13 12:37:51

However, if you still have any of his possessions, as opposed to gifts, then certainly send those back!

wanderings Mon 18-Nov-13 12:36:36

If you send the items back to him, there is a danger they might reappear at your front door - and him with them. Sending them back to him could be an unintended "invitation" for him to reappear.

If he was generally a meanie with gifts, when he receives them back, the first thing he'll think of will be what he spent on them (true, not much!). He might then think of revenge, and he'll then have motives to contact you.

Many years ago I remember a friend who suddenly decided to have no more to do with me... and returned to me a (thoughtfully chosen) gift I had given him.

Words cannot describe how offended I was by this. What did I do? I sent the item back to the ex-friend again! And then there was further conflict, which I think he would have preferred to avoid.

If you bin the items, or take them to a charity shop out of your own town, you can at least be sure they won't find their way back to you, or that he might try to stalk you or something else. Non-communication is probably the best way to go.

Longdistance Mon 18-Nov-13 03:26:27

No, don't waste your energy posting the crap to him. Either have a burning ceremony, or chuck it in the bin screaming 'FUCK YOU!' Whilst doing it.

I used to do this with ex boyfriends things. It's rather liberating.

Robfordscrack Mon 18-Nov-13 03:05:37

No No and no again.

Scarletohello Mon 18-Nov-13 03:05:08

It's funny, had some friends round for dinner last week and they wanted to eat the chocolates but I wouldn't let them! WTF is wrong with me..?

BadLad Mon 18-Nov-13 02:59:12

Posted too soon.

So just take as long as you need to get over it, don't worry about not meeting some deadline by which you should have moved on.

How about using them as booby prizes in some competition, or, if you have a friend with an air rifle, donating them as target practice.

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