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DRY

(995 Posts)
kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 14:10:57

New home for abstainers.

kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 14:20:16

Continuing from the thread started by yourtoastmildred.
Hoping everyone finds the new home as the last thread stopped accepting posts before I could link.

Hi kotinka, thanks for starting the thread.

Day 3 for me. I'm feeling like shit, but not because of the lack of booze. It's because I have to face my sham of a marriage sad

kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 14:36:19

hiya sunshine

has giving up drinking changed how you see things?

FairyJen Thu 14-Nov-13 14:38:36

I've been dry 7 years and counting smile lurked a lot on last thread but thought I might pop in this one

kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 14:45:47

hi fairyjen, 7 years! impressive! Do you still get cravings? What changes have you noticed?

DaisyBD Thu 14-Nov-13 14:53:28

I lost track of the last thread, it moved so fast, but do really want to join in! I've been alcohol and drug free 11 years in December, one day at a time. I was thinking about this thread (or the last one, really) and wondering whether I actually had anything to contribute as I don't really think about alcohol or have cravings or anything. I just don't drink and it's not really an issue or part of my life now. I'm almost normal in fact grin. But I do like to connect with others in the same boat, and if I can lend any sort of support to others then I will. I remember how fucking awful it can be in the early days. It does pass, honest, and it gets easier. And I do think if I can stay sober, then truly anyone can.

kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 14:56:57

daisy, sometimes just knowing someone's there, reading it can keep us going. but I'm sure you have plenty to put in. if it moves fast again, just dive in, I'm more of a lurker myself, usually.

MrsSippie Thu 14-Nov-13 14:57:04

HELLO!! Thanks k for letting me know grin. I was on the last thread, have managed 17 days so far (this time) and hoping to continue with the help of this wonderful bunch of people, my family and my determination.

DaisyBD Thu 14-Nov-13 15:02:56

kotinka I sort of take that view about AA meetings - I always get a lot out of listening but can never make myself share, it's like my worst nightmare. I've been to meetings in NYC where the norm is you put your hand up and the chairperson tells you when to speak, which is much easier. I just can't seem to make myself open my mouth randomly. Anyway, it's good to know that I can help just by listening/reading, and I hope I can help support others by sharing my experiences too.

Mrs Sippie 17 days is bloody awesome. Well done.

Sorcha1966 Thu 14-Nov-13 15:07:37

I will link to the old thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1894820-is-anyone-interested-in-an-alchohol-free-addiction-thread

Welcome fairyjen; and Daisy I find it so so helpful to read of other posters, mums. women like me who had problems big and small with alcohol, made the decision to stop drinking and are NORMAL , happy and fulfilled, It gives me hope and something to aspire to. If you can post occasionally I, for one, will fine it really helpful.

Hi MrsS - when was the last time you had 17 days dry ? I knwo I cant remember... probably when DS1 was a baby.

sunshine facing the reality of a shit marriage is something I DO know about - and something I have negotiated - will offer any help and support I can. Well done on two whole days without booze...

MrsSippie Thu 14-Nov-13 15:12:32

I did three weeks in September, and have done things like a week here and a week there - the best was 8 months, but then I have always gone back three times as bad!! When I 'did' AA I managed four months but the experience was so hideous in the end that, again, I went back to drinking with a serious vengeance grin

JustAWaterForMePlease Thu 14-Nov-13 15:25:00

Thanks for starting this, Kotinka.

I'm on day 12, and I'm feeling pretty good, despite having a cold. I'm sleeping well, I'm being productive and I just feel generally positive. I was at a party last night with free booze, and being able to just say "thanks, I'm not drinking at the moment" was so liberating. Normally I would have been squirrelling away drinks, anxiously looking around worrying that the free supply would run out or that people would notice, and judge, that I was drinking every two drinks to their one. A friend of mine asked me whether this was just for a while or for ever though, and I had to admit I said I didn't know.

The other thing that feels very freeing (is that a word?) is having the decision taken away from me. Usually I have this internal dialogue on my way home from work every day. "Should I get wine? I really shouldn't. It would be nice though. I deserve it! But I haven't had a night off in ages. Oh, fuck it, I'll just have a few glasses." Then I would buy wine, but feel guilty drinking it, then wake up feeling like shit. I don't miss that.

And I seem to have so much more cash!! Not just money spent on alcohol, but associated crap food - at night and in the morning - and sometimes cigarettes.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit self-indulgent, but I just wanted to get down how I feel at this point to refer back to in a weak moment.

There are some amazing women (and men) on this thread; long may it continue.

MrsSippie Thu 14-Nov-13 15:26:01

Just checked out the end of the first thread and agree we don't want a 'leader'.
We are all here for the same reason and to offer and ask for support and guidance, to share our experiences if we feel we want to and to be kind to each other ( a bit 'oprah' but hey! grin )

kotinka Thu 14-Nov-13 16:00:05

lovely hq have added a link on the old thread now smile thanks for that HQ.

Hello all

Thanks for your support. I realise that I've been drinking to avoid having to do something about my marriage. My DH isn't a bad man, but he is an alcoholic and that is part of why we've been having problems.

I've spent much of today crying, but it's actually helpful rather than drunken, maudlin emotions IYSWIM. I love him, but I have to get out of this situation because it's making me very depressed and unhappy.

FairyJen Thu 14-Nov-13 16:15:20

I still get the odd desire. Usually triggered by certain weather etc. for example on boiling hot days I think wouldn't it be nice to have a cider and black or if its freezing/xmas a lovely jack and coke. Lucky for me the feeling soon passes.

I think I'm a lot less stressed now an I don't worry about what I may do or say.

I never had a major problem. I wasn't an alcoholic but I was heading that way and I recognise I have an addictive personality so nipped it in the bud. Finding out I was pregnant with dc1 was a big help with this tho as the smell used to make me heave!

HumOlive Thu 14-Nov-13 16:21:51

Hi! A fresh new thread and a new name!
Looking forward to seeing everyone here! smile

DaisyBD Thu 14-Nov-13 16:22:33

I always drank heavily even before it really became a problem but I also went right off it when pregnant - in fact the first thing that alerted me to the possibility was finding that I'd poured a glass of wine and then didn't touch it all evening. I'm grateful for that now, that I didn't end up with babies with foetal alcohol syndrome.

Actually a recurring angst is that I was such a fecking useless mother for my children's early years, especially DS2 when I was working in a ridiculous job in the city, doing stupid hours, being a single parent, and pretty much leaving the children to the care of various eastern european au pairs. I still really struggle with that. I have to keep telling myself that I did the best I could at the time (never mind that my best was shite) and that I can't change it but can make amends to them now by being a much, much better parent. I also keep hold of something one of the therapists in my treatment centre said, which is that recovering addicts can make the best parents.

muminboots Thu 14-Nov-13 16:48:11

Hi All and thanks for starting the new thread Kotinka.

I'm having a bit of a wobble right now. I know why - because it's the end of my work week, my mother (uhoh huge trigger!) is arriving tomorrow, I'm feeling stressed about work which I want to get done before I leave but I'm tiiirrreedd. I feel empty and sad. Just want to go home and escape from the week.

I guess I'm hitting at least 3 of HALT - hungry, lonely and tired. I don't really want to drink, I want to go home and curl up with a duvet and the TV and my children, and be warm and safe.

Sorry for me me me post.

Hello new thread grin

I like new threads because my phone doesn't cope we'll with 900+ posts!

I'm still sober, hurrah. Struggling a bit with thoughts of planning a drink but keep reminding myself of the fish on a hook hangover analogy which works well for me to put me off. The Antabuse has settled down again so I'm not so drowsy anymore which is good, just have to keep taking it daily and I'll be fine. Simples LOL! grin

If only I could switch off my head hmm

Enidcoleslaw Thu 14-Nov-13 16:59:28

I love the name Dry! One if my favourite recovery memoirs is Augusten Burroughs Dry. Also Rachel's holiday by Marian Keyes, plus there is an alcoholic mother in This Charning Man by Keyes. If you like crime fiction Lawrence Block has a series about a character called Matt scudder who gets sober about 4 books into the series. There is another great memoir called A Piece Of Cake by an American woman called Cupcake Brown who overcame a massive addiction problem to become a lawyer.

Must check out the Campbell book.

Enidcoleslaw Thu 14-Nov-13 17:01:38

Oh and the woman on the bus by the woman who played mrs Doyle on father ted, her name escapes me just now, has a great alcoholism sub plot.

MrsSippie Thu 14-Nov-13 17:09:51

Oh yes, Dry by Burroughs is hilarious! Alos rachels holiday I like. There are loads aren't there? I will put a list of all mine (saddo) up later!

DaisyBD Thu 14-Nov-13 17:13:52

I love that book too Enid, Dry I mean. My friend works for his publisher in London and got me a copy which he signed and drew a little cocktail in. I love his memoir Running With Scissors too. And I re-read Rachel's Holiday when I was in a treatment centre and I have to say it was exactly like that, I recommend it to people whose alkies are in treatment so that they can understand what they're going through.

The only thing I don't like about 'dry' as an adjective is that it's a little bit negative (to me) and also it makes us sound like toddlers potty training (especially when you add 'clean' to the mix).

Sorry you're finding things hard, muminboots, whenever I feel like that I try to think it through, ie think about what would happen after the first drink, and the second, and the tenth, and how I'd feel in the morning. And I also think that how ever shit a situation is, it can always be made worse by drinking on it.

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