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I gave Dh the stink eye, now all hell has broken loose.

(184 Posts)
Greenfircone Mon 11-Nov-13 13:55:22

Have I over reacted?

This morning I admit I was in a mood. I'm a Sahm and do everything to get the kids ready for school. Dh just sorts himself out and goes to work. As its bin day today I put the bag in and asked if if could wheel the bin to the road. He forgot and got in the car. I took it and gave him a hard stare on my way past. (So far so childish!)

Now I would expect any normal person to then say 'sorry I forgot'. Instead if got out of the car with a 'how dare you look at me like that' attitude, stormed into the house and slammed a door in my face then went to work.

I texted telling him I can't put up with his aggressive behavior when facing mild criticism and not to bother coming home until if can see what he's like. He has form for this and I don't want the kids learning to be like this.

WTF now?

flippinada Thu 14-Nov-13 22:35:41

Ah ok, crossed wires! smile

MistAllChuckingFrighty Thu 14-Nov-13 22:16:22

I didn't mean you, ada smile

flippinada Thu 14-Nov-13 22:05:15

Yes, fair point Mists. Hope op is ok.

cloudskitchen Thu 14-Nov-13 21:26:59

I have a feeling op has given up on it and I can't say I blame her shock

MistAllChuckingFrighty Thu 14-Nov-13 20:44:15

helpful

has anyone got anything useful to say to the OP, or is this thread going to keep getting bumped by randoms popping in to add increasingly stupid and inane soundbites ?

azzbiscuit Thu 14-Nov-13 19:13:36

Wtf a man got pissed off because he was given a dirty look for being forgetful? He probably has a porn addiction.

flippinada Thu 14-Nov-13 18:00:23

Apparently.

flippinada Thu 14-Nov-13 17:59:59

Asolutely Twinklestein. In fact, you might say it's enough to put someone in a bad mood, isn't it?

Although being in a mood and looking at people in the wrong way is as bad as, if not worse than all those things.

Granville72 Thu 14-Nov-13 13:34:06

I think we've all gathered it's not about the damn bins but about moods and attitudes and the kids seeing it.

They both sound as bad as one another, both sulky and moody and prone to irrational outbursts. She doesn't want the kids to see how the dad behaves but she seems to be just as bad. She already admitted she was in a mood that morning before he even forgot about the bin, but she happily stormed out there giving the evil eye all over a blinking dustbin.

He's probably just as fed up as she is. They either work it through for the sake of the kids, or go their separate ways, also for the sake of the kids.

Ahole Thu 14-Nov-13 11:59:13

I agree with everything loopyLouLou said.

Twinklestein Thu 14-Nov-13 11:45:02

If the OP had consisted of the following, I highly suspect (well, I hope) many of the unintelligent posts on this thread would not have been made:

I can't put up with aggressive behavior when facing mild criticism and not to bother coming home until he can see what he's like. He has form for this and I don't want the kids learning to be like this.

It is his disproportionate rage for the smallest criticism that has worn me down.

I have been biting my tongue over everything.

I don't want to fear rage from him for me or dcs when he shouts.

This thread is not about bins. It's not about an over-reaction on the part of the OP. It's about a husband with a patterns of disproportionate rage & aggressive behaviour which has 'worn down' the OP to the point that she is concerned that her children will pick up his behaviour.

Granville72 Thu 14-Nov-13 11:22:53

They sound about as bad as one another and maybe mornings aren't either of their strong point.

Both need to apologise, all seems a little over reaction.

And put the bins out the night before. Problem solved.

ItsNotATest Wed 13-Nov-13 22:32:53

I frequently forget to put the bin out, even when I remembered 10 mins before. Mornings are not my strong point.

Fortunately I live on my own and don't need to contend with stink eyes.

cloudskitchen Wed 13-Nov-13 22:24:00

"I gave dh the stink eye, now all hell has broken loose" well that was a self fulfilling prophecy...!

MistAllChuckingFrighty Wed 13-Nov-13 20:48:45

Loopy, then we might as well shut up the Relationships topic for good and just put a sticky up

"We will not support you because we haven't heard the other side of the story."

flippinada Wed 13-Nov-13 20:47:59

No, I think it's quite clear what disproportionate rage means.

Loopyloulu Wed 13-Nov-13 20:41:27

But how can you possibly decide or know what anyone else means by 'disproportionate' rage or anything to do with behaviour? It's subjective.

She already said she was 'in a mood'. Maybe he is fed up to the back teeth of her' moods'. We don't know do we?

Mrscropper Wed 13-Nov-13 20:37:30

Ahole - But slamming a door is? Really?!

I don't recall saying it was?

My posts are intended for the OP to offer my support, not to gain support for my own personal opinions. Opinions are like arseholes, we all have one, some just stink more than others. If people think my opinions stink that's fine, they're mine and I make no apologies for them.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Wed 13-Nov-13 20:33:10

I don't think I am too way out when I suggest that someone who (in the OP's words) "uses disproportionate rage at the smallest criticism to wear her down" is a shitty partner.

I would consider it shitty. If anyone doesn't, I would wonder about what you are accepting in your own relationships.

Joysmum Wed 13-Nov-13 20:32:52

Bugger, reading this I've just realised that actually my marriage isn't happy at all and that I'm abusive, aggressive and bullying towards my husband. Poor man must be too scared if me to divorce me because I'm wielding my power over him

...or else we might just have the occasional row and get frustrated and react.

There are a hell of a lot of details missing from this situation which would clarify whether this incident is the latest in a long line of issues in an abusive relationship, whether it's just a relationship that's limping on and both parties have lost their respect for one another, or whether it's just a disagreement.

Given my history, I think it's the latter. If someone has been a victim of domestic physical or mentally abusive relationship might think that this could be the start of domestic violence. The numerous people in loveless relationships that stay together anyway may see this as being the case.

Nobody knows.

flippinada Wed 13-Nov-13 20:25:01

Oh. I don't see how she could be much clearer. It's not the sort of comment you would make about a one off, out of character incident is it?

Strumpetron Wed 13-Nov-13 20:20:09

Actually no, I did read that at the beginning and still felt she was talking about this incident, obviously I am very happy to be proven wrong if the OP would like to discuss further, and get some advice from people.

One thing I don't do in relationships is put words into people's mouths, and I don't create my own backstory when I read events. Because I think that can have very negative results. I wait until more is given so we can get a fuller view and actually make comments based on fact rather than what we imagine to be the case.

flippinada Wed 13-Nov-13 20:19:39

The op states it in the first post Loopy. Brackets are mine)

"if(this will mean he - it's a common auto correct if you're using a phone or ipad) got out of the car with a 'how dare you look at me like that' attitude, stormed into the house and slammed a door in my face then went to work.
"

flippinada Wed 13-Nov-13 20:15:51

Did you have a look at that quote there from the op Strumpetron?

Maybe I should have highlighted the "disproportionate rage" bit.

Loopyloulu Wed 13-Nov-13 20:14:31

Lwegi I don't know how you work that one out about the comings and goings and the door slammings. There's some very dodgy detective work going on here- glad you aren't in the Met!

If he was in the car, and he slammed a door in her face, how do you know it wasn't the car door- which he may have opened to talk to her?

If he left the car to go into the house, and shut the door in her face, then where was she? Was she coming into the house behind him up the drive? Or was she already in the house, he came in for something, and then he closed the door- with her still inside the house but near the front door?

Closing the door in someones face requires them to be on either side of the door. She didn't say he went back inside. If he did, she'd have had to go inside before him and be following him out of the front door-otherwise none of it is physically possible.

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