Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Shit! 'H' found out I've opened a bank account

(205 Posts)
devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 12:49:40

He was verbally & physically abusive to me & ds a couple of weeks ago.
I want to leave but am a sahm in a jointly mortgaged property.
The only appointment the women's centre had was during half term so couldn't take it.
I've set up a bank account( as all I had was a joint account)
I don't know how he found out, but H phoned this morning & asked why I had a new account.
I was caught off guard & said because I wanted my own.
He's called again saying ' I don't understand why you need an account ' I cut the call short as just leaving for school run.
How do I make it seem innocent & not an account to use when I fell him its over?
I'm actually shitting myself about him coming home later as I know he won't leave it

Tuhlulah Mon 11-Nov-13 13:03:00

Appear to concede. Tell him you don't need one, but that you wanted one, but that if he doesn't feel happy about it you will just close it, or he can see your statements.

Then open another account in another bank, with statements sent elsewhere or no correspondence sent to your home.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Nov-13 13:03:29

Could you say you went n the bank for something and they pressed you into opening one? You know they're always trying to sell you all sorts of shit / policies / accounts / products in the bank aren't they?

Say it's for id for the library?

I would also suggest you leave now. He could well become violent when he returns.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:03:54

Oh sorry. Sorry sorry. He knows already. :-/
My plans were rumbled too. It is incredibly hard to plan to go. Very hard. I hope you are ok.

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:04:01

Parents not in country so that won't work either.
I'm pretty certain he won't be violent - I think more likely to just keep badgering for an answer.
I thought I'd done so well... I set it up 2 weeks ago

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:04:03

op you know he wont leave it......you said so yourself. he knows now,he knows you plan to leave....this is the most dangerous time for a woman in a dv relationship.....womens aid will confirm this.....ring them and get out of there today.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Nov-13 13:04:25

And open a building society account with just a book, and online statements, and make sure its a bank he has no accounts at

And good luck xxx

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:05:13

did you think he'd be violent to you when you married him? got pregnant? no....so you cant be fairly sure he wont be later either....

"I'm pretty certain he won't be violent"

You cannot assume anything. You are already frightened of his reaction over a bank account set up in your name.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Nov-13 13:05:31

OP say what I said at 13:03. Say they bamboozled you and you didn't really understand what they were saying and signed something...

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:05:32

Good idea from bitoutofpractice I know I got £100 once for opening an account. Well, it was £100 in six months, and they opened the account with an overdraft facility! so, bit of a honeytrap from the bank,but these offers are made.

ABitterPIL Mon 11-Nov-13 13:05:57

If you really cant leave now try to find out how he knows. He could be tracking you with spyware on ypur pc. If he is then ypu need a safer method of making your escape plans.

BuzzardBird Mon 11-Nov-13 13:06:10

You could say that you are so worried that is something ever happened to you (like, I don't know, getting assaulted by a violent husband) that your DC's needed to be looked after and a separate bank account was just one of the things you have been advised to do?

cloudskitchen Mon 11-Nov-13 13:06:11

Tell him it's a savings account for ds. Or that you were caught off guard by the bank when you were in there/on the phone to them and they "sold" it to you as it has higher interest rate - you know what banks are like. You go in to pay a cheque in and they try and flog you their grandma wink

PedantMarina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:06:16

Does anybody have a link to the previous thread, please?

But I'm beginning to agree with others - get out sooner rather than later.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 11-Nov-13 13:06:22

He would have found out you transferred the child benefit anyway surely? The first time it's not paid into the joint account he'll know you transferred it.

The bank must have rang him, them for some reason. Although that's odd.

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:07:01

Would a new account better my credit rating?

Tiredemma Mon 11-Nov-13 13:08:18

Your new account would show on your credit report, so yes- it could be used to improve rating.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Nov-13 13:08:26

YOu'd have to have some incoming money to open the account...that was the only one you could think of

OP you need to start accelerating your plans sad

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Mon 11-Nov-13 13:08:51

Do you have a group of friends who you could say are all entering into a lottery sy;dicate? Id imagine for that, a separate account would be necessary.

cloudskitchen Mon 11-Nov-13 13:09:14

It might do as its your own credit history. Even if it doesn't you can say you thought it would. Whatever you say keep it simple and stick to it. And get out of there asap!

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel Mon 11-Nov-13 13:09:56

"They were offering a £25 M&S voucher and I wanted a new pair of shoes/bra/whatever"

Would that do ?

If you've transferred child benefit to the account how about saying it's a separate account to buy things for the DC (as not easy to have one in their name is it ?) This will probably seem more likely than secret accounts for XMas pressies if your family is anything like ours (we don't do big pressies for one thing)
Good luck and keep safe x

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:10:28

I'm mrs cautious with signing anything - and he knows this
I'd never sign up for anything on the spot.
Stupidly I opened the account with the bank we're with (idiot!)
Fuck fuck fuck !

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now