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Shit! 'H' found out I've opened a bank account

(205 Posts)
devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 12:49:40

He was verbally & physically abusive to me & ds a couple of weeks ago.
I want to leave but am a sahm in a jointly mortgaged property.
The only appointment the women's centre had was during half term so couldn't take it.
I've set up a bank account( as all I had was a joint account)
I don't know how he found out, but H phoned this morning & asked why I had a new account.
I was caught off guard & said because I wanted my own.
He's called again saying ' I don't understand why you need an account ' I cut the call short as just leaving for school run.
How do I make it seem innocent & not an account to use when I fell him its over?
I'm actually shitting myself about him coming home later as I know he won't leave it

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 12:51:16

think you need to get out asap now....call womens aid?

Middleagedmotheroftwo Mon 11-Nov-13 12:51:27

Tell him you want to use it as an easy access way of putting money aside for when you need money for big purchases for the kids?

Could you tell him it's to put a bit of cash in for the DCs & it was easier to put it in your name?

Interested to know how's he's found out tbh-who else knew about it other than you?

hillyhilly Mon 11-Nov-13 12:53:35

So he can't see when you buy him Christmas presents

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 11-Nov-13 12:54:20

Oh Dear. Just repeat that you wanted your own account.

You need to try to work out how he found out though.

DropYourSword Mon 11-Nov-13 12:54:24

If you want to keep your true intentions secret for a while longer and you are able to lie convincingly I would say that you opened it to save up for a Christmas present for him because you wanted our to be a nice surprise. I guess the problem with that would be if you don't leave before Christmas.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope someone else with better advice comes along soon.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 11-Nov-13 12:55:03

yeah, hillyhillys idea is good

cathpip Mon 11-Nov-13 12:55:36

Tell him its a savings account so that Xmas and birthday purchases for him can be made without him knowing what and how much you are spending on him, or that its none of his business. Please bring forward your moving out op, he sounds very controlling and abusive.

pigsDOfly Mon 11-Nov-13 12:55:42

Agree with Spirulina. if you suspect for one moment that this is going to result in him becoming physically abusive. Don't wait for him to get home. Leave now.

DropYourSword Mon 11-Nov-13 12:56:15

Also, are you safe. Is there any way he could find out about you posting on here?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 11-Nov-13 12:56:18

I also think you need to take urgent steps to protect yourself and preferably get out now. You don't know how he found out and that's worrying because bank accounts are private matters and, if he's spying on you, he may realise you're about to leave. This makes an already dangerous situation potentially even more dangerous.

Did you report the assaults to the police two weeks ago? Please keep yourself and your DCs safe

Tiredemma Mon 11-Nov-13 12:56:38

How would he know this? has post been sent to you and he has opened it?

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 12:57:00

I have easy access to joint account so that won't wash confused
I'm not scared he'll be violent (he's in super happy wonderdad mode after last outburst)
Just that he's not going to accept/believe my answer - then if I'm pressed I'll let the truth out
It's ds's birthday this week so trying to keep a lid on things for his sakehmm

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 11-Nov-13 12:58:27

He's already violent. When he doesn't believe your answer, he is likely to be violent again.

dustarr73 Mon 11-Nov-13 12:58:43

Id be wondering how he found out.Obviously you have a mole.So be very careful who you confide in.Ring Womans Aid and get out.Dont wait he will get it out of you what the account is for and if he does that you may find it even harder to leave.

Madlizzy Mon 11-Nov-13 12:59:27

I would be scared that he'd be violent, as he's clicked on to the fact that you're making plans without him.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:00:15

This takes me back.

First of all, will he get violent if you deny it? Can you use your mum or dads address for the bank account and then just deny that you have a bank account. I feel your dilemma. I used to bring things back to m&s and get cash for them and then save the cash. It was a long old haul to get out. Left with debts as well. But still, get out if your miserable because you're freedom is priceless.

Madlizzy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:00:31

Actually, just realised that he was physically violent towards your child too. For the sake of your child, you need to get out now, today.

tinyturtletim Mon 11-Nov-13 13:00:46

I would say it is to save for the children?

ABitterPIL Mon 11-Nov-13 13:01:05

I think the birthday and xmas presents as a suprise for him is a good idea.

I.e wanted to order somethong as a suprise from amazon and didnt want him to get a receipt.

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:01:12

I get all post as I'm home - I've even intercepted a letter from bank telling him I'd set up online banking (we shared a log in previously)
The only other person that knew was my mum & there's no way she'd tell him (she has one of her own)
We're barely on speaking terms so the Xmas present for him won't work
I'm scared he'll now find out I transferred child benefit to new account.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 11-Nov-13 13:01:53

"I have easy access to joint account so that won't wash"

what won't wash?

Pootles2010 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:02:00

hillybilly's idea is great. Its right time of year, and would make sense for you to keep it secret.

Would also be concerned as to how he knows though.

gamerchick Mon 11-Nov-13 13:02:12

How does he know you've got your own?

If I don't want to answer a question I ask a question. Or just keep saying that one sentence over and over. 'I just wanted my own' you don't have to elaborate on that.

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