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He won't make the effort to see me

(56 Posts)
alittlebitfedup Sun 10-Nov-13 20:23:01

I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months.

He is the first man I have dated since the break up with my DD's father 2 years ago.

Due to my childcare situation (i.e. going out means advance planning for childcare etc) and his job (he works long hours, 6 days a week) we have averaged meeting up about twice a week, once during the weekday and then during the weekend).

However, I have now not seen him at all for 2 weeks. He actually had a week off work last week and I had assumed that we would meet up at some point during that time. I know he went away to visit family for a few days but from the thursday to sunday he was back in our hometown. It was me who was texting him etc. I found this all a bit disappointing and assumed that this meant that maybe he was not so keen on me anymore. So I rang him up on Monday to say "hey, whats going on? Are we still doing this or shall we call it quits". He said that he was really shocked and sad that I felt this way. We ended up talking for 2 hours - he said that he was still interested in me, that he just hadn't thought about how not really contacting me or wanting to hook up would look from my point of view, that he really liked me, said that he was tired, very busy etc. He said that he is always going to be a disappointment and that he has been single for such a long time that he is used to putting himself first.

Anyway, roll over to this weekend - we had planned to meet up today. He told me this afternoon after a lot of faffing about that he was feeling like a "lazy bastard" and didn't want to meet up today. He said this is what he meant when he told me on Monday that he was selfish.

I ended up sending a ranty text to my friend stating how piss poor I found all of this but accidentally sent it to him instead so he ended up getting the uncut version of what I felt. He sent a text back saying that I had a right to be annoyed. It feels all a bit awkward though.

I do like him, we seem to get on very well when we are together and have lots in common etc. I do know that he is very busy and that I'm sure he is very tired. I just feel quite disappointed that he didn't want to make the effort with me today or during his week off.

I think I should probably end it. I think the aim of this post was really just to vent.

Mollydoggerson Tue 12-Nov-13 15:27:03

He is not into you enough, maybe it is not within him to ever be into anyone enough. Who knows, but bottom line if he is like this now, it will only get more unbalanced with him always putting himself first.

Jan45 Tue 12-Nov-13 15:27:48

He can't see you after 2 weeks absence cos he's lazy translates to, he's not interested.

He probably wants to keep you on standby for the odd shag, look for someone who is more deserving of you, all of you.

LifeofFibonacci Tue 12-Nov-13 15:31:22

Well done OP. That end speech he made was incredibly unpleasant, manipulative, and passive aggressive though. He wasn't sorry for making you unhappy, he was "sad" because you didn't like him any more and he wanted to be seen as the good guy? confused Diddums!

I think he was trying to "goad" you into going "well actually, I don't need to get any of my needs met, sorry for criticising you, I'll just wait round and chase after you to give you the ego boost". Well out of it!

Mumbrage Tue 12-Nov-13 15:31:58

I haven't read the replies but it sounds like a man I went out with once. He was always so busy. We'd go through this charade where I'd suggest Friday, no basket ball, Thursday, no drama, Wednesday no he had the kids, Tuesday no I'm going out myself on tuesday!! monday? no he had to visit his mother.... so then he'd stare at me and wait for me to say 'ok i'll cancel my friends' but because I had the mumsnet wisdom under my belt I never did that. He was a nice man, but seriously, it was on the road to nowhere. The signs were clear. Listen to what men tell you with their actions. Nice man, we still amicably text chit chat but we don't meet up.

brokenhearted55a Tue 12-Nov-13 17:44:09

He works long hours 6 days a week.

I mean really, heavens forbid a man wants to get his life together and see friends and family and rest before dating! Everyone's acting like if he doesn't make you the centre of his world right away he doesn't care...Attitudes like the ones I’m seeing here are how women miss out on the good men and then start to believe they're all bad.

PouchyOldDouglas Tue 12-Nov-13 23:27:34

Right decision.

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