I posted a few times before here about issues with friends.
Last year, I decided to have a so called "friends" detox. I deleted my FB account and decided to go cold turkey. I informed the people I really wanted to be in touch with about this, and let the others go.
I was surprised to see how few "friends" noticed or cared if I was on FB or not. Only one single person e-mailed me before I did to tell me that he noticed and that he still wanted to be in touch.
It was tough, really tough, but I realised how superficial our lives are becoming when it comes to friendship and that it seems to be all about quantity - of likes, or followers, or fans - and not quality.
It was really tough to lose touch with a couple of people who I thought were good friends, but was quite relieved to see the truth about the relationships too.
There was one particular narcissistic friend who I felt was always competing with me in terms of achievement, always putting down my own achievements in life. Whenever something went well or bad in her life, I felt I had to be a cheerleader, an member of a celebrity audience, living my life through her experiences, while my life experiences were always ignored or disregarded. This caused me a lot of anxiety, as I considered her at the time a very close friend, and at times I was so upset that I was unable to sleep at night.
My group of friends is really small now. I lost touch with people who I thought were going to be close to me all my life. It's not great, I know, and maybe I should have handled things differently for the sake of keeping in touch. But I was forty this year and was so sad and depressed to realise that there was nothing there where I thought there was true friendship.
It's been a big loss but I have to say I feel stronger and freer somehow. Stronger for having learned a few lessons about friendship, and freer because I'm no longer chained to relationships that make me feel bad about myself. Co-dependency is ten times worse than loneliness. I've learned that.
Have you had a similar experience with friends when you hit your forties? I'd love to hear from you.
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Relationships
I realised my "friendships" were making me really depressed
nerofiend · 10/11/2013 12:27
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