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Help please! Flirtation with a guy at work

(179 Posts)
SomewhereBeyondTheSea Thu 07-Nov-13 10:39:17

Ok MNers, I've been considering posting this thread for some weeks now and have finally got frustrated enough to do it. So - tough love needed please.

I really fancy a guy at work. Am 99.9% sure he likes me too. We've worked together for over a year but the flirtation has only been going on for about 10 weeks. We drunkenly kissed at the end of a work evening out - that's what started things.
The next day I did the whole 'oh I was so drunk last night' thing, basically because I'd never thought of him like that before and I was a bit embarrassed. So he got the impression I wasn't interested, I think.

But since then the flirting and chemistry has ramped up to the point that everyone else we work with has noticed and it's become pretty full on and, tbh, embarrassing - I hate feeling I'm being gossiped about.

But - here's the rub - he hasn't asked me out. We've been out for work drinks with colleagues several times since then and nothing has happened. Each time, he spends the whole evening talking just to me, lots of chemistry and eye contact, but we never seem to actually make a move on each other.

The latest time was last night. I am sick of this now. I would rather he left me alone and didn't fancy me than continue like this. It is driving me batty quite frankly.

One further consideration (trying not to drip feed): I recently got a BIG promotion which means I will be leaving his department next month and won't see him from one day to the next. I am wondering whether he's either intimidated by this (I will be in a much higher status role than him, in terms of internal politics, kudos etc), or he's waiting for me to move jobs so that if things go wrong or I turn him down, he won't have to work with me every day.

On the other hand I just keep thinking, keep it simple, stop making excuses for him: if he liked me, he would have done something about it by now. He hasn't, so he's clearly just not that into me.

All my female friends reckon they had to make a move on their partners and I should just bite the bullet and ask him out. I did vaguely say something a couple of weeks ago about 'would he like to go for a drink' when he gets back from holiday (he has been away for the last couple of weeks), and he said yes definitely when he gets back. Yesterday was his first day back, we were in the pub all evening and he didn't mention it at all. Is that a hint that I should just drop the idea?
Aaaargh.

Seriously, tough love needed. Should I try and push it forward, should I tell him to stop flirting because it's making me uncomfortable at work, should I just be zen-like calm and professionalism and write the whole thing off? Or should I be patient and wait and see what happens when I move jobs?

Help please!

PS. Yes we are definitely both single!

Jan45 Thu 05-Dec-13 10:47:03

As I had suspected, a total game player, and nasty with it, what a lucky escape you have had, and btw, you are no loser, sounds he is, in more ways than one.

If I was you, I'd not get involved with people at work in my personal life and remember, let the man woo you, not the other way around, that's how you filter out the idiots.

BarbarianMum Thu 05-Dec-13 11:19:04

<<If I was you, I'd not get involved with people at work in my personal life and remember, let the man woo you, not the other way around, that's how you filter out the idiots.>>

If that were true then myself plus 3 other people in the room I'm in wouldn't be married and none of us feel our partners are idiots.

Lots of people meet their spouse/partners through work. It is perfectly fine for a woman to make the first move (were not deer that need to be persued). OP was just unlucky, that's all.

BarbarianMum Thu 05-Dec-13 11:19:31

hmm we're

Jan45 Thu 05-Dec-13 11:53:33

I said personally I would rather not get involved in a sexual relationship with anyone at my work - that's my entitlement to make that decision, if others want to, go ahead!

I had posted further up to say I didn't think he was interested in a relationship, this has turned out the case, in fact he was a nasty game player. IMO, if a man is interested in having a relationship with you, he lets you know - again, it's fine if the woman wants to be the pursuer, personally, I'd not find a man attractive if he didn't have the balls to ask me out.

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