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pregnant with toddler and exhausted is dp helping enough?

(15 Posts)
piklepants Thu 07-Nov-13 02:05:55

Hi all I am currently pregnant(6 month)and having a hard time I've had severe sickness exhaustion,every bug going and had to look after my 1.5yr old as well. Dp works full time so it's hard to gauge how much he should be helping but I'm getting annoyed with him for never taking her out or giving me any time to rest. He often does nights so I do all the night waking's and I just feel awful. We are arguing flat out-help!

NatashaBee Thu 07-Nov-13 02:16:23

I would say he at least needs to help with the nights when he's not working the day afterwards - you need to catch up on your sleep.

Lweji Thu 07-Nov-13 02:59:37

Do you get any rest at weekends, or when he's home for a full or half day?
What time does he get home?
What does he do when he gets home?

Could you get some outside help?

Have you talked to your gp about your sickness?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 07-Nov-13 06:44:05

If you're exhausted, sick and you don't feel you're getting much practical support from him then he's probably not helping enough. Arguing is not the way to resolve this. Have you told him specifically what it is you need him to do?

CailinDana Thu 07-Nov-13 08:14:00

When he's in the house he should be doing at least half of everything - childcare, washing, cooking, everything. That's whether you're pregnant or not. You should also have equal leisure time - so if he's out on a Saturday you should be out the following Saturday. Also seeing as you're having a difficult pregnancy you should have extra time to put your feet up.

Jan45 Thu 07-Nov-13 14:52:09

Sorry, we all work full time and still have to manage our kids and home, he's clearly a lazy git and you need to keep arguing with him until he sees sense, if not, I'd be looking to manage without him on a permanent basis. Can't he see how ill you have been - it's the old scenario that the women has to take on everything whilst the man gets an easy ride - don't put up with it.

Jan45 Thu 07-Nov-13 14:53:25

It actually disgusts me that you are six months pregnant and he can't even take HIS child out to give you a rest.

Finola1step Thu 07-Nov-13 20:16:17

Need a bit more info. There are 24 hours in a day. Even if he's working 10 hours a night, sleeping for 8 hours a day, commuting 2 hours per day, the still leaves a little bit if time to co parent. Does he work 7 days a week?

piklepants Thu 07-Nov-13 22:00:07

He does do his share when he is Home and helps out a lot. It just feels like the time just goes and he sometimes works 7days a week doing overtime to get us some extra money just to make does meet,which I obviously appreciate. It just doesn't feel like I ever get some proper rest or maybe I'm just having a difficult pregnancy. We have limited family nearby and I don't like to ask for help but perhaps I need to. If he gets a day off there are always so many jobs that need doing around the house it seems a nuisance to ask him to go out with our little one but it's what I really need sometimes that's all. Think I just needed a rant and for someone to say that I'm not evil for feeling like this!

Finola1step Thu 07-Nov-13 22:39:26

Congratulations on the baby news.

No YANBU and you certainly are not being evil! There is no excuse for him not taking your dd out on his own for a bit. She is entitled to have some 1:1 time with her dad! And you need to have some proper rest.

So, this weekend. He takes her to the park. Or to the library. Activities that cost nothing but will be nice for them and peaceful for you. Then you can build up the time over the next few months before baby is born.

If you don't start now, in three or four months you will still be juggling everything on your own and with a brand new baby.

perfectstorm Thu 07-Nov-13 22:47:41

If he's working 7 days a week sometimes, doing housework and jobs around the house, and you've not actually asked him to take her out, then I think it's a communication problem.

Honestly I think you need to lower your housekeeping standards for a while and focus on essential childcare, and rest. And that means he takes her to soft play or the park or the shops so you can sleep - even a supermarket run, with a list if need be.

Pregnancy with a child is so tough. I sympathise.

Garcia10 Thu 07-Nov-13 22:58:21

Definitely sounds like a communication problem and that you are both doing too much! Seven days a week and sharing the housework does not sound like he is shirking his responsibilities.

You need to tell him how you feel and how best he can support you during the time whilst he is at home in addition to letting him getting sufficient time to relax from work.

Could you afford day care for your for your 1.5 old a couple of mornings of week just to give you a break? Will be even more valuable once you have the baby.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 07-Nov-13 23:04:00

Its about what you need & what your dp can do.

I totally understand how you feel. Im 61/2 months pregnant with dc6. Older 2 no longer at home as in their twenties do only 3dc at home. 12, 8 & 5.

I work from home as childcare is impossible as ds8 is autistic. Ds5 has also started to display behaviour indicative of autism so will be assessed for Autism in the next few months. He's not even in school full time anymore.

My sister moved 2 months ago. My mil died 7 weeks ago. So we've lost our family support.

Im currently trying to get SS to increase ds8 respite. Dp works 7 days a week on rotating shifts. Hes due to have major surgery in the very near future possibly before the baby arrives.

Honestly if I was told 3 months 1 of those things I would have been scared!!! Some days i feel so utterly over whelmed and very isolated. Its very difficult to make friends or socialise when you have a dc with SN & a dp who's shifts change every 7 days.

I just concentrate on the baby & the dc. The situation will change, improve & alter- thats life. I will get through it. My dp only works by instructions so drives me insane but I bloody well tell him! Dp reckons he knows how I feel as hes got a big stomach... I reminded him-he's fat whereas im pregnant.

Take care Op. Its tough but it will pass.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 07-Nov-13 23:05:45

Sorry that post was very long...

perfectstorm Fri 08-Nov-13 00:03:29

You could always try Homestart. They can do housework for you, so when DP is home he can take the little one out. It does sound like you need the break badly. And they'll be a godsend with a newborn, too.

They're a charity to help families with a child under 5, because they recognise that this parenting lark is bloody hard work. We all need help sometimes, and not everyone has a family able to offer that respite.

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