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Why does he grope and touch me all day but never want sex with me?

(55 Posts)
Undo Wed 06-Nov-13 22:24:45

Just that ^. Why does my H touch me and grope me and say suggestive things when we can't have sex ( baby awake during the day for instance) but avoid any suggestion of having sex when we can?

I have brought this up too many times to count and he says it's me that doesn't want sex or a million other reasons that I am to blame for ( I thought you were tired/ill/asleep etc)

I understand if he doesn't want sex but why all the groping and crudeness then?

HotDogSlaughter Wed 06-Nov-13 22:25:32

How strange...

MistAllChuckingFrighty Wed 06-Nov-13 22:26:42

Because he is a manipulative arsehole ?

Casmama Wed 06-Nov-13 22:27:19

That sounds quite controlling- gropes you when presumably you don't want it and shows no interest when you do. Does he behave in other ways to deliberately try to make you insecure?

BerstieSpotts Wed 06-Nov-13 22:27:40

Erm, yep, I'm with Mist. The only reason somebody does this is to mess with you.

Undo Wed 06-Nov-13 22:28:01

What do you mean mist? What does he get from it?

joanofarchitrave Wed 06-Nov-13 22:28:20

How old is the baby?

Is he too knackered to have sex but thinks that 'flirty touch will keep the flame alive' or some such thing?

Onefewernow Wed 06-Nov-13 22:28:34

He wants you to think he wants sex. Maybe he is anxious about performance so hints at it without having to, so to speak.

What sort of groping? Does it seem to you that it's dodgy?

Undo Wed 06-Nov-13 22:29:45

I do feel insecure. His actions don't match his words.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Wed 06-Nov-13 22:29:54

What does he get from it ?

Think how it makes you feel and then have a think about why he might want you feeling like that

Upset, confused, on the back foot, questioning yourself.

There's a lot of gratification in that, when you are of a certain mindset

Undo Wed 06-Nov-13 22:31:13

Not dodgy as such. Just at times when we can't do anything. I don't understand why he uses me as the reason for not having sex.

Undo Wed 06-Nov-13 22:33:18

Baby is nearly 3 and he is def not knackered.

BeCoolFucker Wed 06-Nov-13 22:35:13

the word grope has really negative connotations for me as does crudeness. Is he touching you in a way you find unpleasant/crass/inappropriate?

What do you think he might be getting from this?

wontletmesignin Wed 06-Nov-13 22:35:31

he uses you as the reason for not having sex so to take blame away from him.
even though he knows he deliberately set this whole situation up, in the knowing that you would be left questioning what on earth is going on?

wondering if maybe you have indeed gave him any kind of sign that you could possibly have made him believe you did not actually want sex.
even though you know that you do want it and can't understand where he is coming from and so a big puzzle has been made in your head.

this is what he wants to happen - you questioning yourself.

this is not what somebody who loves you would do

killpeppa Wed 06-Nov-13 22:35:55

I used to get that.

then an almighty strip because when we went to bed it was
'too late'
'too dark'
'not spontaneous'

the list goes on.

killpeppa Wed 06-Nov-13 22:36:16

*strop, not strip

UnicornsPooGlitter Wed 06-Nov-13 22:38:00

3! That's a pre-schooler, not a baby. Or did you mean 3 months?

wontletmesignin Wed 06-Nov-13 22:38:22

my ex would touch me inappropriately at the wrong times. i would tell him to stop, he would apologise for not being able to keep his hands off of me. then he would do it again, and then claim that i mustn't find him attractive as what he is doing is normal behavior.

however, there is a time and a place for that kind of behavior. when he is using it throughout the day, and you (in my case I) clearly state that you don't like it.
but then keeps doing it, and claims that you (I) must have a problem. because he is doing nothing wrong.

even though, we both know deep down that he is!

BerstieSpotts Wed 06-Nov-13 22:39:13

Some people use "baby" for any young child.

wontletmesignin Wed 06-Nov-13 22:39:25

he even told me he thought i was a lesbian. and i questioned my sexuality - even though i knew i was straight!

ok, i'll shush now. sorry

BerstieSpotts Wed 06-Nov-13 22:40:45

It is manipulative. As to why he wants to manipulate you... maybe he gets off on it. Maybe he gets a cruel twisted pleasure from seeing you upset and/or frustrated (like any bully). Maybe he thinks it's funny. Maybe he has such a low crappy opinion of himself that he's trying to drag you down in the hope it will make him feel better. Who knows? sad

Twinklestein Wed 06-Nov-13 22:48:51

Sounds like he's getting his jollies from groping you ( yuck btw) but can't follow through, perhaps either from concern about his performance/erection issues/body issues or d'you know if he uses porn?

Undo Wed 06-Nov-13 22:54:34

That's exactly what it is like wont.

It seems like he enjoys doing it but I don't know why. Manipulation sounds terrifyingly probable.

He does use porn even though he knows I don't like it. He also creates huge arguments from nowhere that are always my fault.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Wed 06-Nov-13 22:57:45

Why are you with him ? Does he have any half-way decent points ?

wontletmesignin Wed 06-Nov-13 22:58:51

get well away from him - go read my recent thread....

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