Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
What does your dh think of strip clubs?(95 Posts)
What do your dh think of strip clubs? I am against them and would be very upset if my dh went to one. Dh says he would never go but I get the impression that if it wasn't a deal breaker he would go to them on occasion.
Dh says that he is the only one in his office who hasn't been or doesn't go. He works in a professional environment with men ranging from graduates up to married older men.
I don't know why but it rattles me that the implication I should be 'pleased' that he doesn't go. I said he must work in a sleazy office.
I just have very little respect for men who go to these places. Paying for women to gyrate their vaginas in their face, whilst their dw are at home caring for the children.
Don't know what I'm asking just that the whole thing annoys me and I'm not sure why given my dh doesn't go.
The current man in my life is pretty ambivalent about them, as am I. Wouldn't go out of his way to track down a club in the normal run of things, but if a work event ends up in one (which it occasionally does), he's not going to decline on principle.
Well I can see why it annoys you -- he doesn't go, but he makes it pretty plain that he would, that it's normal (everyone else does it!) and you're the one being weird about it. When actually, you're not being weird at all.
My DH doesn't go to strip clubs because he finds them seedy and weird. (We were friends for a long time before we started dating so I know he's not just saying what I want to hear.) Of all our friends who are guys -- gosh, maybe one or two of them might go. It's definitely not the norm. And we were all crazy party types pre-DC, got up to all sorts, just not that.
I don't have a DH or a DP, but I have a BF. We have talked about strip clubs, porn and prostitution many times, usually from a feminist angle.
He doesn't go to them and probably wouldn't in future. Before meeting me he didn't go because he felt they were seedy and the sorts of men who patronised these places were pathetic and sleazy. Since meeting me and learning more about the exploitation involved as well as how they affect the wider (non-sex-industry) culture of objectifying women, he is even more against them.
I can't guarantee that he wouldn't go in future, because no one can. I think it's unlikely though and I know he refused, when much younger, to visit a prostitute when his then friends thought it would be a fun "right-of-passage" thing to do. He is no longer friends with them. I think that says a lot.
Dh thinks they're seedy and knows it's a deal breaker. Some of his colleagues do frequent and don't think there's anything seedy about it all.
DP says he wouldn't be seen dead in one. He thinks they're tacky and seedy and pretty horrible. He doesn't work in the kind of environment that would require him to socialise in them, so that's not an issue here.
I am sad and ashamed to say that amongst my DHs group of friends, strip clubs are seen as a massive treat and although they don't go to them on a regular night out, they love it when a stag do comes up and they have an 'excuse' to go to one (pathetic, I know).
I am a feminist, and I hate the porn and strip culture that we are in now. My DH realises now that I disapprove and find them tacky and sleazy. He says he also thinks they are sleazy, and only goes because everyone else does
that old chestnut
But if I am honest, I suspect he just says that to keep me happy.
Went to one once. Never again. shudder
DH has never and would never go to one. He finds it sad that they exist.
My DH views them as the most unsexy places in the world and finds that the women would do nothing for him as it's nothing more than a business transaction. I'll dance or strip for you if you give me £££'s please, for him he doesn't find that remotely attractive so why waste money going and he hates all the macho bullshit that goes on in these places anyway .
He has been on a few stag nights and when the night inevitably ends in the lap-dancing or strip club he bales. I have no qualms about him going to these places on something like a stag night, every week might be a different matter but he just never feels the need to participate
My DP has to work with the type of low-browed lunks who find it exciting to go to strip clubs.
Fortunately, he views them with utter, utter contempt.
DH would've been to one on a couple of occasions when he was younger. I'm talking 22-25.
Then we got married had children and I know he wouldn't go to one now, in fact he avoids the people who still go.
I did work in a very male dominated environment. They would chat and forget I was there. They ALL went to these places at some stage. All bar maybe 3 would've been repeat visitors.
At a colleagues wedding, it came up in conversation about lapdancers. The wife of the worst offender was adamant her DH would never use something like that. He only had eyes for her,etc, etc. Of course she also had the best jewellery, nicest car, bouquets of flowers every week. He had her completely fooled.
I told him later in the evening that he was disgusting. He said he wasn't harming anyone, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her and basically she wouldn't believe me even if I did tell her. She spent the rest of the evening singing his praises and feeling sorry for all the women who didn't have a husband like hers.
Deluded, both of them.
He finds them a bit sleazy and unpleasant (although I thought that was the whole idea? ) and says he works too hard to spend his money on things like strip clubs and gambling. He has been a few times on stag parties when younger but I hope he wouldn't now.
I am a feminist and I hope he has stopped to think about it from a different angle now too.
My dh would never go, he disagrees with them on political grounds.
He wouldn't work somewhere where others do this either.
Unsexy is absolutely right.
In my mad twenties my girlfriends and I ended up in a strip club in the early hours....don't ask. Anyway, I was totally drink as a skunk but was absolutely shocked at what went in. The men stood watching as if they we're watching tv. Staring and sipping their pints. Not chatting up the mates they were with- just stood in a line around the stage, watching. If you compare that to a crowd of women at a Chippendale type night, it's totally different.
Really, really sad and unsexy. If I had an oh who told me he liked going to them I'd find them unattractive from that moment on because all I'd imagine is them stood gawping like the guys I saw the time I went. Urrrgghhh.
* chatting to their mates...
Current man used to go them on occasion when there was a big lads night out and thought they were OK.
He thinks differently now though.
Although if a stag do came up and it was on the agenda he would go along I'm sure.
Dp is ambivalent. He's been to a few, on stag do's and the like, though not for a few years - I think all of his friends have started to grow out of it all, really. He didn't hate it in there and once paid for a private dance - only to realise when he was in the room that it was horrible, seedy, and mortifying for everyone involved.
It's not a dealbreaker for me, though if he ever lied about it it would be. Oh, once on a stag break in an Eastern European country (I forget which one) they all went to a strip club that was much more relaxed and you could touch if you wanted to. DP told me all about and was horrified. I said that would be a dealbreaker, if he went to a club like that and did anything. His disgusted and shocked reaction that I could even think he was the kind of man who would do that was immediate.
I know DP well, and I know that on a big night out like a stag do, if everyone else decided to go to a strip club he would go along too and not take a moral stand right then. I also know that he will end up sitting there, drinking his overpriced beer, and regretting it immensely.
@mammdiggingdeep.. I had exactly the same experience. (Long and interesting life... ) In the club I went into they weren't even staring as they were sipping their drinks. Most of them were looking quite embarrassed. As you say, not the earthy fun of a Chippendale evening! Incidentally... does the same disgust apply to women watching male strippers?
DP thinks they are sleazy and doesn't go to them, but was surprised when I said it would be a deal breaker. DP works in an environment where if men do go to strip clubs, it doesn't get talked about openly in the office.
He thinks they are sleazy and exploitative and doesn't want to go to them. Because is is a mature, adult man with a functioning brain and a social conscience,
My dh has twice come home from a boys night/stag do because a strip club was the next venue.
I trust this means he's never been to one.
He thinks they're sad and seedy. He says he can't understand how men can kid themselves the women like them when all he sees I is women trying to earn money.
It's a deal beaker for me but that's not why he thinks the above!
I've never got the whole chippendales thing- I would just cringe! However, I think it's different for the reasons that the women are different. It's much more if a social thing, a laugh, a group of women laughing, screaming and pointing. Not many of the women actually stand there gawping and getting off on it. I don't think...correct me if I'm wrong anyone??
My DH isn't bothered either way. He has been though (stag nights etc.). Personally it wouldn't bother me if he went with a bunch of his colleagues. I work in a professional environment and it happens all the time. There isn't one guy that hasn't been to a strip club. In fact some of the guys have taken my clients to them. I think you would be naive to think that this doesn't happen. I have heard colleagues admit that they don't tell (white lie apparently)their wives as their wives would go mental.
Personally I would rather know if DH went than if he hid it from me because he thought I would freak out. It's not like his sleeping with them. And the way I see it, it's a job as far as the girls working there are concerned. I very much doubt they are after sleeping with or stealing my DH if he went. From what the guys tell me, most of these girls are students paying their way through their studies. Don't know how true that is.
Join the discussion
Please login first.