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do i stay or do i go ?

(76 Posts)

DP and I have 2 children ds 3 and dd 4 weeks ....... I am currently struggling to figure out if our relationship is at all worth it.
I will start by saying dp is a good man with good intentions and he loves us dearly he works very hard full time and private jobs in spare time he tries to help at home sort of ! ..

but I find as soon as he is home our lives (mainly mine) become so much harder - too hard if im honest .
although he tries to help at home he gets everything wrong ! I have to tell him how to do everything and within minutes he has forgotten . and once I have told him he doesn't the know it he will have to ask me again the next time .

ds has no consistency between the two of us although we do discus it all in great lengths and have yet to disagree on any aspects of parenting and the way in which we apply guidance . yet after we have discussed it he cant remember what to do and will ask me what to do in front of ds .
at home it is a massive battle to keep in place the daily routines not because he doesn't agree with them ,in fact he shows enthusiasm for it all but he just doesn't do it or doesn't remember ...every evening he will say what do 'YOU' want me to do.
He will leave things out of ds night time routine the same one we have done since he was 2 months old .
dp read in a book yesterday about quiet play at bed time not to over stimulate etc etc however last night I heard them screaming and shouting water everywhere ds giggling until he had a coughing fit. which is wonderful to see and hear (bar the coughing) but not after extensive research about how to help him to sleep. which has been an on going problem bedtime drama .... this is one example out of a million
it probably sounds like he is just a 'typical man ' but its so much more than that .
I am struggling to cope (with him ) I am becoming like a prison warden telling him what to do and I don't like who I am becoming.it feels like there is nothing in our relationship except arguing and discussing this stuff am I just being dramatic or r we doomed??

I do empathise with all of those things as I keep stating he is a good man good father is under a lot of pressure and very tired !! BUT I am very tired also and feel I am the only one trying when it comes to our relationship and he isn't at all anymore not to say he hasn't in the past !! and I honestly feel he doesn't empathise with me at all and if it appears that he does its because its what he is supposed to do not because its what he feels...... if that makes sence

the weird thing is this all happened when I had ds and we broke up for about 6 months he saw I was serious and stepped up ant the following year was wonderful and consistent then we had another baby and our own place together and its all happening again

do I hope that as dd gets older and with some RC its worth sticking it out or do call it quits now.

also if we were to break up I do feel this is what I really worry about him looking after the dc's alone and what sort of partner he may then have but I cant stay in a relationship with him just to supervise him ...can I ??

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