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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

insecure

25 replies

taylor21 · 30/10/2013 19:46

Hey all,
Need some advice I have had two bad relationships where my 1st partner left me when out daughter was 8 months after being with eachother for 5 years. Sexond partner I have just split with after two years as he was assaulting me.
I feel so crap and lonley all the time durring our relationship I have moved away from family fallen out with all my friends and sold my car.
Dont know what I xpect from this but hope somebody can give me some advice

OP posts:

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LineRunner · 30/10/2013 20:29

Hi, I'm really to hear about your troubles. Things can and do get better.

Have you ever heard of the freedom programme? It is some learning that you do online to make sure your next relationshi is healthier and better.

Not that you need a relationship at all. Be kind to yourself first.

taylor21 · 30/10/2013 20:34

I havent heared of that before but I will have a look thank you. Much appreciated

OP posts:

cjel · 30/10/2013 20:34

I'm sorry that you are in this mess, I'd suggest trying to build relationships. Try your family and choose friend that you would like back in your life. Agree finding a freedom programme in your area. Do you have a childrens centre near you? Could you get some counselling?

LineRunner · 30/10/2013 20:35

How are you doing in yourself? Are you ok?

taylor21 · 30/10/2013 20:49

Thanks everyone. I have started catching up with a friend but feel as I am pestering as I havnt talked in a while. I have tried counselling once and came to terms that I hate men thats about it . I cant trust anybody is the worst bit

OP posts:

LineRunner · 30/10/2013 20:56

Definitely catch up with friends and don't feel guilty, ok?

Can you maybe offer to cook a simple supper for her/them and just sit and talk and enjoy a drink?

taylor21 · 30/10/2013 21:04

Have tried but there always seems to b an excuse.. mayb il try again :)

OP posts:

cjel · 30/10/2013 21:09

Yes agree that you have to keep trying, not so you keep getting turned down but maybe try different people? also if you get chance try counselling another go. It'll help you rebuild your life.x

taylor21 · 30/10/2013 21:16

Hope so just feel so guilty on my daughter shes the only person that is keepung me going

OP posts:

cjel · 30/10/2013 21:18

What do you have guilt about? How old is dd?

taylor21 · 30/10/2013 21:23

She is two and as she dosnt have any friends only cousins

OP posts:

LineRunner · 30/10/2013 21:27

I went to a great group when my DS was two or three, I met some great friends there. It was for mothers with PND and any other emotional/social issues, even just shyness. At my local community centre.

I am still very close to one of those women, many years on.

cjel · 30/10/2013 21:37

have a look around for some toddler groups, I'm sure that ds will love meeting new people and you'll be surprised that you are not the only one who feels like you do.

taylor21 · 30/10/2013 21:52

Where can I find those groups too line runner

OP posts:

cjel · 30/10/2013 21:53

I would try a local childrens centre or health centre

taylor21 · 30/10/2013 21:55

Ok thanks

OP posts:

LineRunner · 30/10/2013 21:56

Yes, that's a good idea from cjel.

I just walked into my local community centre and looked at the noticeboard.

I reckon you could ring the Council for information, too.

Good luck.

something2say · 30/10/2013 21:59

Hey sweetheart, you sound like you need a hug for a start xxxx

Listen I work with women who flee violence. I want you to know that this is normal. And the empty spaces in life will get filled up.

For your daughter, can you start planning a weekly schedule of things and walk to them, save bus fade and get fish air and exercise? Where is your nearest children's centre? What funding would you be entitled to for her to go to nursery?

It's no bad thing that she is keeping you going. X. That's what contact with living beings who mean something to us will do.

For yourself, can you start getting books out of the library on self Estée, and do what they suggest. Can you get together a list of things you need to do and want to do, like sort out the cupboards and donate the old clothes, start running again, learn a recipe, grow your hair or whatever?

When there is a space in life it needs dreamings to fill it. What would yours look like?

Where friends and family are concerned, don't look to jump back in 100% all in one go. Stagger it. Have some of the week around your child and her activities, some around your own activities and then fit phone calls with friends and family in too. But to build up friends, start going to things you are interested in. Maybe also try not to fill the hole with a new unsuitable man lol xxx

something2say · 30/10/2013 22:00

God the iPad typos from hell!!!!!

LineRunner · 30/10/2013 22:02

Good advice, though!

something2say · 30/10/2013 22:04

See this a lot x I could go through the categories we have to complete to help women get through fleeing and rebuilding!!!!

HogiBear27 · 30/10/2013 22:04

You should be proud of yourself for leaving that second relationship.

Maybe when you feel ready you can look at some more counselling.

With it coming towards the end of the year hopefully the groups the others have suggested will have a few things going on. New people can come into your life then.

I'm sure an internet search will bring up things to do in your area,

Good Luck to you :)

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taylor21 · 31/10/2013 08:08

Thanks everyone didnt think anybody would reply if im honest, have actually got a halloween party for my daughter today so hopefully I can arrange another get together after that and for the book s I think that will help aswell..

OP posts:

LineRunner · 31/10/2013 09:35

I hope the party goes well and that you enjoy it.

cjel · 31/10/2013 09:36

that sounds lovely - you are on the road to your new life Even saying that you didn't think we would answer you shows how much you undervalue yourself. Having a party for dd is a really great thing to do and if you think that people won't want to be your friend you can use dd as a brilliant excuse to organise things - brilliantxx

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